2006 Movie News Archives


August 16, 2006: Post-Returns Depression...

By Neal Bailey

Well, okay, face it. You're a geek.

You sat there and waited diligently as the clock counted down, looking for the day when Superman Returns would arrive.

You liked it, hated it, tried to kill Captain Singer or maybe, just maybe, you went to see Pirates instead. In which case, go away.

This leaves us with three years, at best, until the next Superman movie, so we came up with a list of dos and don'ts to keep you sane.

DO: Wear your Superman underwear as a show of support as we wait, lo, these long hours.
DON'T: Show anyone.

DO: Go onto the message board and speculate.
DON'T: Pretend you know whether there's a sequel or not, tell people they stink of cacapoo, or refute anything that Neal says.

DO: Look up in the sky
DON'T: Get whiplash by staring at your new twelve hundred day countdown clock.

DO: Write sternly worded letters demanding excellence to the WB.
DON'T: Complain to me when suits ignore you.

DO: Wait patiently for the DVD. Then the second DVD set. Then the third uber-set. Then bankruptcy from buying the eightieth set.
DON'T: Download the movie online. Pirates, as I have already mentioned, burn in a special hell with Welk.

DO: Stop by the caption contest and toss down some humor.
DON'T: Joke about who Brandon milks.

DO: BUY THE soundtrack.

DO: Read Neal's 53 page review for perspective.
DON'T: Threaten his life because you thought lifting the Kryptonite planet was the best thing ever, and he said it was only the third.

DO: Buy a Superman Returns T-shirt.
DON'T: Then complain about the logo on it.

DO: Buy comics and note how the movie influences them.
DON'T: Buy "For Tomorrow." Seriously. Trust me.

DO: Walk around town in a cape and costume.
DON'T: Make that any city other than Metropolis during the celebration. Trust me.

DO: Watch "Smallville". It's "Superman Returns" lite.
DON'T: Ask me how they're going to wrap up THAT ball of wax.

DO: Run around the house with arms extended pretending to fly.
DON'T: Tell your girlfriend you can see her pink underwear.

DO: Debate the line: "Truth, Justice... all that stuff!"
DON'T: Debate the line: "Krrrrrrrrrrrryppppptonite!"

DO: Respond to any false accusation with: "WROOOOOOOOOOONG!"
DON'T: Be surprised when the noob doesn't get it.

DO: Eat Superman-O cereal.
DON'T: Eat the box from 1977.

DO: Debate who is the better Superman.
DON'T: Choose Routh over me.

DO: Watch the Superman Homepage for the most current updates.
DON'T: Go to the Nietzsche site. Wikipedia is playing a trick on you.

All in all, we have long, hard days ahead as we look forward to or dread the next installment in the Superman franchise, depending on your perspective. Stay sane, cry out for Zod, and please, in the comments, offer your own dos and don'ts.


2006 Movie News

Listed below are all the Movie News items archived for 2006 organized into various categories:

“Superman Returns” Movie News:

Christopher Reeve Movie News: Hollywoodland (George Reeves) Movie News: Direct-to-DVD Animated Movie News: Other Movie News:

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