Caption Contest

December 23, 2007: Caption Contest

Caption Competition

The annual meeting of the North Pole Homeowner's Association.

And the runner-ups:

neal bailey
(Clark pulls off Santa's beard.)

Clark: Hah! See, I told you that...

(Santa staggers around, bleeding profusely from the face.

Santa: Oh, you little ba-

And the newest member of the Smallville Justice Leauge is....

That's right folks: Drunken Santa Claus!

Santa: What do you want for Christmas, little boy?
Clark: Heat Vision!
Santa: You'll shoot your eye out kid.

Santa: What do you want for Christmas?
Clark: Good writers.
Santa: I just give presents, I don't grant miracles.

Meet Bizarro Zod!

Santa: Why, hello, Clark! Ho ho ho!
Clark: Wow, it's Santa! Yippee!!! You know, all the kids over at Smallville High think I'm insane to still believe in you, but I never gave up hope!
Santa: Well, ho ho ho, I appreciate that, but I think you should know that, in fact, I'm-- *two shots hit Santa who falls off the roof*
Clark: *crying* Santa!!!! NOOOOOOO!!!

==A rooftop over==

Martha: You know, instead of shooting some hobo in front of him, you could have just TOLD him there was no Santa.
Jonathan: *smiling while holding a sniper rifle* Yeah... not caring.

Clark: So, what am I getting this year, Santa.

Santa: You know, you almost killed your former best friend, you refuse to live to your full potential, and you took adavantage of your girlfriend's powers to have cheap, exploitive sex instead of make the world a better place with them first. By comparison of all your other years, you've been pretty bad. I think I might just give you coal this year.

Clark: You can't!!! I mean, no that's just... wait I--



Santa: Yeah... you're definately getting coal.

super surfer
Santa: And what do you want for Christmas?
Clark: Coal.
Santa: Coal???
Clark: Yep. I crush it to make diamonds.

Clark: I'm the savior of all mankind.

Santa: But I'm father Christmas.

Jesus: I thought this was supposed to be about me.

Neal: heh.


Clark: Uh...

Santa: Ignore it. That WB Logo gets stuck in my beard all the time.

Santa: Why, Superman! A present for me? You shouldn't have, neighbor! (Opens present.) A pooper scooper?

Superman: You've been warned. Keep the droppings out from in front of the Fortress. Or next year you'll be getting venison for Christmas! (Flies off.)

Santa: ... Superman's a d#$%!

Santa (pulls flask out of his shirt): Here, take a pull off of this! Mrs. Claus makes a killer egg nogg out of muons, bosons and lighter fluid!

Clark: Santa, I know I haven't been that good these last few seasons... are you going to give me coal for Christmas?

Santa: No, no. We've just recently gone green at the North Pole. Mrs. Claus made me the convert the entire operation to sustainable resources. So, no more coal. Instead, I'm giving these rocks to naughty children. They're flippin' everywhere!

(Reaches into his magic bag and pulls out a lump of kryptonite and hands it to Clark.)

Santa: Maybe next year you'll get a present, if you're nice! Stop throwing people through walls, Clark! HO HO HO! (Flies off.)

Clark (collapsing in pain): ... Santa's a d#$%!

Santa: And tell Neal that I don't CARE about Deep Space Nine characters!

Clark: Nog the drink, not Nog the Ferengi.


Santa: Bite me.

Sadly, I get that.

Clark: You know Santa, you remind me of the continuity on this show...neither you nor it exists.

Santa: No way.
Clark: It's true.
Santa: But...
Clark: Seriously. I'm Jewish.
Santa: Okay...
Hannukah Harry: Dreidels and toothpaste, anyone?!

Now THAT is another obscure one I get. Sadly.

Santa: Merry Christmas, Clark! Oh, and could you do me a favor? If you see Lex Luthor, could you ask him about his gift list?

Clark: What about it?

Santa: What the heck does he mean by "Stable Julian Embryos"???

Santa: What do you want for Christmas?
Clark: I want to go back in time all the way back to 1978, that way I would never have made that mistake by turning the world backwards so then everyone wouldn't hate that idea, and also not telling Lois that I'm Superman so I wouldn't have an affair with her and have that kid. Then murder Richard White before he meets Lois.

AND remove the saran wrap S shields. Nahinanajad says This is a HORRIBLE idea, Michael.

When the boss busted in, nearly scared 'em half to death, had a rifle in his hands and cheap whiskey on his breath. From his beard to his boots he was covered with ammo, like a big fat drunk disgruntled Yuletide Rambo And he smiled as he said with a twinkle in his eye, "Merry Christmas to all - now you're all gonna die!"

I'll do a freebie for Weird Al. You bet your butt.

Santa: I don't care if it grew from a crystal and contains a borderline-psychotic interactive avater of your birth father! It's 5 meters over on my property and I want it moved!!!

Santa: Here's a gift for you; sometime next year, Neal Bailey will write a "Smallville" review comparing you to "Hamlet".

Clark: "Hamlet"? That's Shakespeare! Gee, thanks Santa! (leaves)

Santa: Poor kid. I didn''t have the heart to tell him that Hamlet spends most of the play being scolded by his father's ghost and causing needless death and destruction while trying to decide whether to embrace his destiny, and never becomes the king he should have been.

And I don't have the heart to tell JhnJhnson that I don't like Shakespeare...sigh.

Caption Contest Archives