Caption Contest

October 14, 2007: Caption Contest

Caption Competition

Clark: Your crimes are at an end, Lex! It's over!

Lex (lifting his head up, bloodied and bruised, smiles): It's not over, Clark.

(Lex pulls a small detonator from his pocket. With a triumphant look, Lex presses the trigger, then slumps back down. A beeping sound from several yards away. Camera hyperstyle zooms in to Lucky, Clark's pet turtle just as a red light underneath his shell begins flashing. Cut to Clark's eyes widening as he begins mouthing the word "NOOOOO!" Cut to explosion. Carmina Burana plays in the background, as Clark falls to his knees screaming.

Lex (laughing weakly, which turns into a cough): Now it's over. (Loses conciousness.)

I like turtles?

Don't worry Lucky's not really dead. Just before the explosion, Lucky jumped on a passing ice cream truck. He is currently living incognito somewhere in China with a blonde wig and sunglasses.

And the runner-ups:

Like funny, only a little more bizarre:

This had to be one of the best caption contests EVER. Hilarious entries:

The Great Black Cat Fountain Incident, as it was later referred to, was a Fourth of July neither Clark nor Lex would soon forget. On subsequent holidays, Lex would be prohibited from lighting off fountains, and instead would be relegated to the position of punk holder and sparkler water bucket caretaker.

After seven seasons of ever increasing amazingness, Lana evolved into a being of pure light and joy. Clark, his spirit being bound in a web of SECRETS and LIES, could only stand there, mouth agape. Lex, on the other hand, began running in circles, screaming, then farted and passed out.

Clark - One, Death Star - Nothing!!!

After three seasons of being the arbitrary eye candy on the show, Lois evolves into a being of pure hotness and journalistic brilliance, immediately winning a Pullitzer. Clark could only stand there trying to control his heat vision, Lex passed out, and Chloe started buying a lot of cats and crying alone for days on end.

That's what happens when you hire an ex-Spinal Tap drummer.

Clark couldn't believe it. He had heard the theories, but never thought he would witness it for himself. Plot holes were indeed born of "baby bangs".

The attempted guest stint from the Wonder Twins was utterly disastrous after they called for shape of dynamite and form of fire.

In his greatest battle yet, Clark must fight against the might of Tim the Enchanter.

Suddenly, Flash Gordon dives out of the rift with Dale and Dr. Zarkov in tow.

Flash: Wait, this isn't Mongol. Zarkov, what happened?

Clark: Whitney???

I never should have dared Lex to lick that transformer!

Lex obviously glossed over the instructions that clearly stated "five is right out".

All these secrets and lies!

Look who's talking! You've been lying and keeping secrets more than any of us!


The shock of anybody speaking up against Lana's hypocricy made her respond by bursting into a ball of blinding sparks. She died the way she lived: causing headaches.

super surfer
Well, at least now we know what a cloud of bosons, muons, anti-higgs, anti-particles, and pi mesons looks like.

All except Lex, of course, who got knocked out for the eight thousandth time, and missed the whole thing.

Bosons always win.

Light Show: Behold the Metatron, herald of the Almighty and voice of the one true God.

What you gonna do, hit me with that fffffffff-lie?

To be honest, trying to show Strange Visitor after the budget cuts was probably a bad idea.

Clark learns the most important lesson of farming: never, ever stack damp muons in close quarters, or else they'll catch fire.

Clark loses his father's final gift to him after Lex tries to use anti-higg ethanol in the General Lee.

Lana discovers what happens to characters on the show who violate copyright law when she accidentally calls Clark "Superboy."

Clark: This is, like, ten times cooler than Armageddon!

This show just got so hot, the CW logo in the corner of the screen? It #$#$ing exploded.

By the eighth season, by the time they got around to filming the destruction of Krypton, they had a F/X budgets of $200. Tom Welling was forced to "act" with all of his heart and soul to cover it up, not to mention keeping a straight face when explaining why Krypton blew up in a Kansas barn.

(good luck picking a winner - this was the best in a long time - my ribs hurt from laughing)


Clark: Don't worry, Lex, Chloe's okay.
Lex: (coming to) Chloe?
Clark: Yeah, it was just a barrel that blew up - not the entire safe house.
Lex: Safe house? Huh? You mean the last 4 years???...Chloe never died? Lois Lane never came to Smallville? Lana wasn't possessed by a witch? No crystals of infinite knowledge? No meteor shower? No spaceship? My father never had a midlife crisis? I wasn't possessed by an alien and I didn't try to rearrange Earth's terra firma? Johnathan didn't have his 6th heart attack? Martha isn't a senator? I didn't get my butt handed to me by a bunch of kids in tights? Alien wraiths didn't invade earth? I didn't experiment on meteor freaks and then wipe their memories of it? I never married Lana? I don't have a warehouse full of Lana clones?
Clark: Uh, nooo....
Lex: Oh thank god!...Are we still friends, Clark?
Clark: No, not really.
Lex: I can live with that. (passes out)

Billy Joel: (singing) 'Cause fighting Dean Cain can give you a fart attack-ack-ack-ack!

Secret Joel fan here. Just between you and me.

Clark: Turtle tractor anti-higg Old Spice Red Zone Lana?

You forgot to add my name, or you'd have won.

Tom Welling: Holy crap! Someone just blew up Dean Cain!

Sneakymonkey (lowering rocket launcher): Yeah, sorry. I just couldn't take the cheesy dialogue. "The cold steel of crusaders' blades"? Really? Who talks like that?

Tom: Dean didn't write the script, he just said the lines!

Sneakymonkey (shrugs): Meh. I think I got my point across.

Curtis Knox. Boring people since the dawn of man.

Believe it or not!

Caption Contest Archives