Caption Contest

December 18, 2006: Caption Contest

Caption Competition

"You'll never get me lucky charms!"

All Superman fans start wailing in terror.

And the runner-ups:

No one, and I mean no one touchs the arrowglasses.

Green Arrow keeps the pimp hand strong.

Zach Braff: So you had a tough day at work. Come home, grab a drink, have a snack, through your girlfriend through a glass table, maybe watch Survivior. Yeah, that's right. I said throw your girlfriend through a table.

Don't throw your girlfriend through a glass table.

*The More You Know* music and graphic plays

Lois staggers to her feet as Green Arrow eyes her predatorily. She grabs at a nearby bronze bust, trying to tug it off its pedestal, but it's no good - won't budge.

So GA slams her head against the bust, knocking her down again.

Lois slowly crawls backwards, as Arrow glances down at his desk for a weapon. A letter opener...a can of whipped cream...a stick of Old Spice Red Zone...before settling on a polished geode.

He hefts the rock, getting a sense for its weight. Preparing to throw it. Lois looks on in utter terror.

GA's eyes lock on her face, and he pulls back to throw -

-when suddenly, in a blur of motion, The Piano of Continuity slams into him and sends him flying across the room and slamming into the wall.

Then it looks at its inhaler. How cute!

Notably, here is where JasonSpidey's Juggernaut reference would go, if I didn't value my job...

Green Arrow: Now, you can make a choice. I can...

JasonSpideysmileyto self) Hmmm...if i finish the reference, I'll be banned...but it's so perfect...greatest...Juggernaut...reference...opportunity...argh! Curse you, Decency!

I mean, come on. He's in the Exact. Same. Pose. As Ketchup. You know what I'm talking about.

I do. Now convince soccer moms! Curse you, soccer moms! I will have to do a soccer mom pic some time.

What, exactly, is the purpose of those things on his biceps? Anyone? Anybody got an idea? 'Cause frankly, I'm stumped. Makes about as much sense as trying to fight crime at night in sunglasses.

They're like Daredevil's foldout cane. Only his is a pimp cane.

Lois: You Really do know how to knock a woman off her feet!

Green Arrow: Booyah!

Lois: Could I get a little help here?
Green Arrow: Not now, I'm busy looking awesome!
Lois: But I'm dying!
Green Arrow: And I'm awesome-ing.
Lois: That doesn't make sense.
Green Arrow: So is your face.
Lois: Freak.
Green Arrow: You are just jealous that I'm prettier than you.
Lois: You know, the name Queen really fits you.
Green Arrow: Can't hear you, peasant.

Ollie: The armless vest really makes striking women easier on the armpits.

GA: You're right, the plastic really makes the punching less painful.
Erica: Told you. Now punch my chest.

What does Green Arrow tell Lois Lane with two black eyes?

Nothing, he's already told her twice...

Green Arrow: I dont believe this! Every time I get home...! Thats it, Im hiding the key to the liquor cabinet.

Oliver: hun... did you go out drinking with those russian generals again? I come home after a long night of super hero work expecting at least a welcome home hug.... instead, i come home to a pole dancing lush...

Lois: *licks floor, farts, and passes out*

Lois falls down laughing when Ollie shows her his Green Arrow costume.

Lois: I've fallen and I can't get up!

Lois: if I can only reach my knife wrench.

Lois: All I said was 'why can't you be honest with meeeeeeee?'!
Oliver: That was enough.

Lois: must...reach....last ..present...under...tree....

GA: I got your christmas present right here.

It's #% $#%^ in a box!

Oliver: I'm losing my edge. I couldn't even kill a 110 pound girl! Better inject some more Venom---er, I mean totally original serum idea. (Whistles innocently.)

Oliver: Lois, I think you need help. You're getting so skinny your ribs are starting to show.

Lois: That's because they're sticking out of my skin. You just threw me through a glass coffee table, you psycho!

(singing) With your hands on your hips, You bring your knees in tight.
But it's the pelvic thrust that really drives you insane,Let's do the Time Warp again!

I've got two...

Lois: Uhhh, what happend? Last thing I remember I was at the Talon having a carmel macchiato.

GA: I shot a roofie into your coffee from my penthouse balcony.

Lois: What!

GA: Ha ha ha, usless powers my butt.

And the funny thing is, they'll be happily kissing again by the end of the episode.

*Neal vomits*

And the really funning thing is, come January, Lois will be willingly kissing Clark-as-Green Arrow (keep in mind, to her it's the same Green Arrow as above) for saving her life.

*JasonSpidey vomits*

Can anyone explain why his gloves don't cover his pinkies? I just noticed that. Is there some archery-related reason for that, or is it just for style points? Because if it's for style, well, then...

*JS walks away, shaking head*

I killed a deer with a bow last year and trained for six months (no joke), and I never saw anything like that. Finger pads for string pulling, but no pinkie crap. Not funny, I know, but interesting.

Lois' outstretched hand trembles as she concentrates fiercely. Suddenly her lightsaber flies into her hand and she back flips, coming down and cutting Darth Ollie in half.

Oliver: You'll forgive me by Thanksgiving.

Lois: Like hell I will!

Oliver: Don't be silly. This is Smallville. I call drumstick!

Lois: look at me I' Gerald Ford!

I don't know what the heck it means. But it is funny.

GA: Neal Bailey sent me. Your name is Lana Lang, right?

GA: I think you'll find this is "Beat Lois Into A Bloody Pulp.....Crisis"

GA: I dress in leather and beat on women for fun! How is that NOT the perfect Mayor?!?!

Marion Berry seconds that. Mmm. Pie!

Good point of the week award:

How do you like it, LOIS? How do you like being knocked to the ground with NO repercussions to your assailant? hmm? HMMM? Think of THAT next time you want to karate kick the solar plexus of a guy who merely hits on you.

GA: HEY! It's not EASY being GREEN!

Failure to use Lois-FU! Minus 500 points!

Green Arrow: Oh God, Lois, I'm so sorry! I thought you were Tori Spelling!

Yes! My spoof of an advertisement has been turned into an advertisement by the Superman Homepage! Irony rules!

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