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Caption Contest

February 17, 2005: Caption Contest

Winner:
Gislef
Lana, if ducks float, and you weigh the same as a duck, then...BURN THE WITCH!

The runner-ups:

neal bailey
I'd take off my coat and whip it around to put the fire out...but it's cold, and I hate hard nipples.

neal bailey
Perspiring from the heat? Try some OLD SPICE RED ZONE! Al: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAnd CUT.

Magnus
A red canister with fuel - 20$ Matches - 10c Cover Lana's ears just to tell her you're an alien - PRICELESS. There are some things money can't buy... For everything else, there's SupermanHomepage Caption Contest.

SupermanFan13
Clark: Im an alien, your a witch... theres only room for one superpowered Lead star in this show... and sadly its not you... as ordered by Lord Bailey.

There can be only one.

Magnus
[Clark]: "Lana! Who did this to you?" [Lana]: "It was..it was.. Neal Bailey!" /and then we hear "Imperial March" and we see Neal Bailey, dressed like Darth Vader, coming out from the fire with his lighsaber on.

Don't fail me again, General Clark. KOOOOO PERRRRRR

Magnus
[Clark]: singing "How can we sleep when our barn is burning ?"

Midnight Oil points

SupermanFan13
Clark: Wheres your witch like god now? huh? If you have powers... free your self! Lana: PETE!!!

SuperWT
Clark: Neal called and said you are the weakest link,Goodbye

SupermanFan13
Clark: Lana... I told you not to milk the tractor...

SuperWT
Clark: You always wanted to be the hottest on the show

Sven-El
Clark: "You're going to survive." Lana:"No,Clark." Clark:"No, you listen to me. You're going to make it past season five. You're going to marry Pete Ross. You're going to live In Washington DC. You're going to make lots of babies and grow old. Promise me, you'll never let go." Lana:"I'll never let go, Clark, I'll never let go!"

Sven-El
(edtited) Lana: I think you made your point, thank you for your demonstration. Clark:Choose your next witticism carefully, Ms. Lang, it could be you're last. Lana: You expect me to talk, Mr. Kryptonitefinger? Clark: No, Ms. Lang, I expect you to die!

thebrakeman
Clark: Lana, this is gonna hurt you a LOT more than it's gonna hurt me!

cyberv
Clark: Lana... Neal has a message for you... Lana: Oh god... What is it? Clark: (dark foreboding voice) Boodily.

cyberv
Clark: You milked the tractor. Now you pay with your life. Lana: Oh lord, three weeks in a row? GIVE IT UP ALREADY!

cyberv
Lana was sentenced to die by the Tractor Milking Consortium. No one really cared. Neal Bailey partied until he collapsed.

And then laughed over his Consortium stock as it shot up the next day on the NYSE before taking over the position of CEO and making the next executive action wiping Genevieve from the face of the planet. DIE, Dr. Quinn, as you deserve to!

cyberv
Lana: Don't worry, Clark. I'll save myself by using one of my many bizarre freakish abilities gained over the seasons... Let's see... See through a killer's eyes? No, he's dead and that was lame. Witch powers? No, they were ALWAYS getting burned at the stake. Ability to have my life threatened every other week? Already done that... Whelp, looks like I'm hosed. Clark: I untied you while you were being self absorbed. Lana: Oh, it's always about YOU, isn't it?

stevenproctor
Neal Bailey, yelling at TV: Snap her neck!!! Come on... Your Superman... you've killed before!! Zod.. Doomsday... There is no other way to stop her. PLEASE!!!!

stevenproctor
Narrator: This week's caption contest featured music exclusively brought to you by David Byrne.

I am the Earth's biggest Talking Heads/David Byrne fan. You have no idea. Seriously. I'm...an...or...di...na...ry...guy!

sneakymonkey
Yet another shameless plot device that will put Lana in need of a shower scene.

Shalamarke
Song: It's gettin' hot in heeya... so take off all your - [Neal Arrives from about 4 contests back] - BLAM!

Hey! I know some of this newfangled R and D music, Dog. Not in the canine sense, in the, you're my associate sense. Word? Help!

manofsteelkalel
Lana: So hero, are you in or are you out? Clark: It's you who's out Lana. Out of your mind! Lana: Fine, have it your way. *throws razor bats at Clark*

Who are you, Chuck Austen? :)

JasonSpidey
The real reason Sherman burned Atlanta.

Now there's a man who knows his Smallville reviews.

sneakymonkey
Who did attempt to kill Lana? Was it Lionel Luthor? Mrs. Teague? Was it Chef? Or was it the Denver Broncos?

Good call. Actually, it was Cartman's Mom. She's a pyrophrodite.

superspawn
I am sorry Lana, I dont know why Neal has 100's of people every week put words in our mouth!

Because I am a writer. It is my goal in life to make fictional stories about people who do things I find interesting. God complex. I should have been a plumber. Seriously. They make money.

JasonSpidey
Smallville 451: The temperature at which Lana Lang burns.

sneakymonkey
ClarK: Look, it's not me. I would save you, I really would, but all these guys are kinda my fanbase, and I---I really have to think about the future...(Clark looks back, and Neal nods.) I've gotta go. I'm sorry. We'll always have...that one time we kissed in the cow pasture, right before we broke up. After that you just kinda b*@$!ed at me a lot.

JasonSpidey
Clark: I hope this incident doesn't put you off arson, miss. Statistically speaking, it's still the safest way to kill someone and get away with it.

Next to conning them into milking a tractor.

The Old Bum
Lana: Unfunny obsure reference to something Neal's heard of! Clark: Old Spice Red Zone! (I think I figured out how to win this!)

Actually, yes. Sarcasm with creativity IS the key.

Sven-El
Clark: All these powers, and I couldn't even save the fourth season.

Gislef
Fire burn and cauldron bubble! / Double, double, toil and trouble / Fire burn and cauldron bubble! / Something Lana this way comes!

Gislef
How about a little fire, Scarecrow?

Not very funny, but smart.

daintern30
Clark: "Tastes great." Lana: "Less filling".

Shalamarke
D@mned Cow...

Another smart one. This one, more with the funny (no offense, Gislef)

Shalamarke
... I, I .... burn the building ...

My stapler...All right Lana...but that's the last time! No salt. I said no salt. I'll call the board of health and have this place shut down.

sneakymonkey
As the flames reached them, and Lana's sweater caught on fire, Clark panicked, and using superspeed, began to beat frantically at the flames with his jacket. And that was how Lana Lang was "Carhartted" to death.

sneakymonkey
Clark: I had no idea Neal worked so hard to get everything done on Wednesday night! Lana: Yeah...maybe we shouldn't have given him so much crap about it. If he wants to say More Next Wednesday, I say let him! (Neal pops up) Neal: I already changed it for this week's contest! What do you people want from me?! Aaughh! (BLAM! Lana slumps over.) Clark: Okay, now you're just looking for any old excuse to shoot Lana!

You kidding me? I start prep at 7PM, and I stop typing at about 6AM. It's 4:27 AM right now. And I type 95 words per minute, dangit!

cyberv
Neal Bailey fantasy sequence # 12931

Ultraviolence, baby.

daintern30
Lana: "Please Clark, tell me your secret. Tell me before I die in this fire." Clark: "Ok. I'll tell you. It's not that I'm an alien or anything like a K freak or anything. I've wanted to tell you for so long..but I just couldn't. It's so embarresing really. It's just that I..It's just that I..milk tractors."

SupermanFan13
"Lana burned at the stake, pete goes off and leaves, lionel free from jail, all this and andy rooney here on 60 Minutes!"

Andy Rooney could find something to whine about in everything. I learned everything I know from him. Air. You know? Air's really annoying. Why is it so clear? Go Andy! Never retire.

Shalamarke
This fire is the fury I felt when I came home and found that my VCR HAD FAILED!!! I missed "Sacred." Now Lana must die.

Illegal downloading? I do not condone illegal downloading to catch shows you miss! And if you miss a show, and you want to talk about all the horrible places where those vile criminals illegally download, simply email me. We'll have a lively chat about their skullduggery and roust those cads through clever witticisms against their illicit trade! I hear illegal downloaders even milk tractors. But their milking will bear the bitter fruit of...well, there aren't many penalties, but still! It's very naughty!

Caption Contest

February 17, 2005: Caption Contest

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