Caption Contest

March 10, 2005: Caption Contest

Caption Competition

Lex on small microphone: If she wins, kill her.

The runner-ups:

neal bailey
What if goooood was one of uuuuuus! (Lucy claps) Lucy: Lex Luthor, that was FANtastic. Lex: Yeah...I wrote that.

neal bailey
While Lucy plays Ashoken farewell, Lex rips into the theme from The Sting and farts. WOOP WOOP! Boodily.


a little bit country, a little bit rockmonanov

Lex: If it's not's crap!

Woman. Whoa, man. Whoaaaaaa Man. Snap twice if you get that one. I ordered the small caption...hello!

Should rename this to teh Neal Bailey Quote page. j/k

Why do you say this to me when you know I will only kill you for it? NEAL, Whatchel of Planet Houston! Actually, I'm kind of the Non to the General Zod Steve, but that's close enough for geek reference. Or maybe Ursa. Okay. The joke is officially dead.

Lex, feeling randy after several tumblers of 29 year old scotch, and perhaps influenced by last week's retro caption contest, begins pounding out Winger's "She's Only Seventeen" on the piano. Lucy quickly catches up to the melody, but is totally lost on the reference.

Lex: I wonder if she notices I'm not wearing any pants yet.

They played along, keeping tempo, until finally Lex hit a wrong key and the playing awkwardly stopped. Lucy giggled. Lex gave that enigmatic half smile of his. A week later, Lex would have Lucy liquidated.

And Lex coughs. Just like that old man in that famous book by Nabakov...

Naba-who? Sorry. I don't read books. I watch TV.

Lex: "Good trick, turning that little mp3 player inside that violin."

But was it an APPLE I-POD? (Apple I-Pod?) Yes, an Apple I-Pod!

Lex: I've got an idea, Lucy. You play the violin with your obviously horribly flawed technique, and I'll accompany you on the piano I didn't know how to play before this year. It'll sound great!

Lucy: I am the plucky younger sister of the beautiful young firebrand Lois Lane. Raised by an overbearing General father, we deal with the world with our quick wits and our own brand of two fisted spunk! Lex: Keep talking like that, and I will have you set on fire.

Suddenly the statue in the corner comes too life: This is just too unbearable to watch.

Further evidence that there is too much violins on TV...

Lex: Sex and sin, sax and violins. And weeeeee are criminals that never broke no laws! Cause he's like, a legitimate evil businessman, and like, I like Talking Heads. Get it? Sigh. Kids.

"Imagine there are no tractors. I wonder if you can..."

Based on my psychiatrist caption last week, and several of my captions this week, I realize that many of my captions have reached Shalamarke-sized proportions. This week, my caption friends, I am a man.

Agreed. And these two in the picture will be playing his bar mitzvah. For tickets, send ten dollars to Neal Bailey.

Lucy: So Lex, what do you do for fun? Lex: Well, I used to speculate about my good friend Clark Kent. I'm convinced that he is more than a simple farm boy. I used to be caught in a deadly game of cat and mouse with my psychotic billionaire father. But lately, I seem to be a baby sitter for underage sexy guest stars who parade their @##es around for an hour to make former Rikki Lake producers happy. Say, would you like a shorter skirt? A sippy cup of apple juice? Perhaps a Disney Movie on DVD?

Lex, singing: "You must have been a beautiful baby, you must have been a beautiful child." Lucy: "But Lex, why?" "Because, I love you." Then a trap door opens under Lucy's feet and she drops into a pit of hungary dogs, and is eaten alive.

Hands down, my favorite deleted scene.

Lex: And cue Clark Kent, who once saved me from drowning, but who has now asked me for monetary favors exceeding 2 million dollars, usually berating me between said favors. And people wonder why I become his arch nemesis... Clark (bursts in with Lois in tow): Lex! I need a favor...

Lex: I have to say, your rendition of "Baby got Back" took my breath away.

Clark: Lex, I need a favor. Lex: See, Lucy, I told you. [Lucy hands over a five dollar bill to Lex. Lex grins]

Captin Armpit
Lucy, you never met this guy Adam, he was a really good piano player, I told him I couldn't play. But, for you I think I will give it a try.

Coolest...SH name...ever.

Lex Singing: Come on Illene


I don't have to commentate as to why that one is funny, do I?

Sadly, five minutes after this picture was taken, red K Clark showed up and married everybody.

Lucy's audition for Lex Luthor's Punk Rock Band was only marred momentarily when bass guitarist Neal Bailey began screaming uncontrollably, "You're not Lucy Lane! Lucy Lane was blond!"

That's when I quit to form a supergroup with the efinefrious tubloidial buttnoids. My words...their buttnoids. Efinefrious!

Lucy: I'll hypnotize all of Smallville's fans with my special Kyrptonite enhanced violin to make them forget all of the horrible storylines from the past few years. Lex: That will never work, Luc... wait... what??? who are you??? Where am I??? Lucy: Booyah!

LUCY: My father doesn't love me, nobody else wants me, I've turned to the dark side to get attention, I have to fight those I care about to get ahead in the world and I love to play classical music. LEX: Marry me!!!

Lucy solos on violin as Lex boogies down to the heart-rending strains of Billy Joel's "The Downeaster 'Alexa'." *Lex singing* Well, I'm on the big downer Lana. And I'm cruising through Metropolis Sound. I have chartered a course to Vancouver. But tonight I am Smallville bound...

There are giants out there in the canyons, and a good captain can't fall asleep. Didn't take me for a Billy Joel fan, didja? Nertz.

Lex: Lucy, I'm afraid I invited you up to the mansion under false pretenses. You see, I only feigned interest in your playing in order to get my hands on your violin. (Lex stands up and snatches the instrument away from Lucy and raises it above his head.) Lucy: Lex, what are you doing? Lex: At last! The third Stone of Power shall be mine! (Lex slams the violin down on the piano, shattering it.) Lucy: Lex, there was nothing in inside my violin! It was hollow! Lex: I know. Your playing just sucked.

Yes, I have become a Lois fan for unwholesome reasons. Maybe I should go post on the "Devoted to Smallville" website under the name Rebecca Cyrus. LOL.

ROFL LMAO like, totally. LOL. Please, do, and let me know how it turns out.

After the piano was smashed into millions of pieces, Lex felt foolish for listening to Lucy's suggestion that they should reenact the scene from the movie Big.

Uh Oh... It's Thursday night and there's not a new contest yet? Neal! NOOOO! Have mercy Can we not have a fresh contest even though the show is on hiatus? *sniff*

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