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Caption Contest

September 28, 2005: Caption Contest

Caption Competition

Winner:
sneakymonkey
Superman: Sorry, you two! Normally, I'm all for "freedom of choice" and "do whatever makes you happy as long as it's not hurting anyone"...but you two are just too #$%^ing ugly to make babies.

Second place ties:

sneakymonkey
Clark: Nope. No ratings under here either.

xXManofSteelXx
Clark: Hey Bailey, catch!

BANNINATED! Just kidding.

xXManofSteelXx
Clark: What ... exactly! Does this have to do with my transition to Superman? Anybody? Anybody? Nothing! Absolutely nothing! You'll be hearing from my lawyer, good day sir!

Director: But ...

Clark: I said good day!

I smell the Daily Show. I like that smell.

cornelius III
I hate it when the cat gets stuck up in the tractor...

cornelius III
And how do you expect us to NOT try a tractor joke?

"Why do you say this to me when you know I shall only kill you for it?"

SupesAF
FLANNEL MAN! PROTECTING THE WORLD FROM MAN-EATING TRACTORS!

SupesAF
Okay yeah, that last one was really lame

Yes, but you saved it by admitting it. Now it's funny.

cornelius III
Clark: I'm so glad I asked you to the school dance tractor, your the best dancer ever

Tractor:

Ha you morons tractors can't talk...

SupesAF
Steve: What in the hell are you doing Neal? These last two pictures...you can't just say "no off-color comments" and then just egg them on! You're just cruel!

Neal: Mwa hahahahhahahahahahha!!!!!!!

"Why do you say this to me when you know I shall only kill you for it?"

Travis
I WILL find all the easter eggs!

In October?

GinaRenee
"Daddy, wow! I'm a big kid now!"

Can't beat a classic diaper joke.

JasonSpidey
Clark: I knew it! A vestigal udder! Let's see Mr. Hanson explain this away with "intelligent design!"

Clark definitely evolved from a tractor.

JasonSpidey
Neal: (chuckling) Go ahead, captioners - make my day.

Word.

JasonSpidey
After Perry leaves, Jonathan, Martha and Clark relax on the porch.

Clark: I threw a tractor.

Jon: You know, I saw that. Clark almost killed a guy! You know, Clark, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. You should probably stay low for a while, find some friends or other family to stay with. teh police are probably looking for you for attempted murder.

There were Luthors on horses, and Tim Robbins with a stick through a 2X4. It was awesome.

JasonSpidey
Clark: (seductively) Hey there, babe. Sssh, ssh, don't speak. They call me Superman. I'm here to rescue you.
Jon: Clark, are you whispering sweet nothings to the tractor again?
(The tractor falls to the ground, unattended.)

Good mechanics, bad Lex....just doesn't have the same ring.

JasonSpidey
Carry on my farmer's son
There'll be milk when you are done
Drain the tractors of their goods
Steve, please don't ban me.
-Kansas

JasonSpidey
Clark: Wow...hey Pa, I know I have super-strength, but doesn't this violate some fundamental law of physics?
Pa: Well, son, your subconscious is probably using your innate gravity manipulating abilities to anchor you in one place, thus allowing you to lift objects heavier then you.
Clark: But shouldn't the tractor bend under its own weight in this position?
Pa: You're probably extending your bioelectric aura around it, thus stabilizing it and keeping it together.
Clark: But wouldn't that mean that my own bioelectric field is spread thinner, making me less invulnerable? And wouldn't that require a lot more energy to sustain, seeing as how energy is reduced to 1/4 its strength when the distance is doubled?
Pa: You know what, Clark? I'll tell you what it is. Faulty writing. the writers just have no $#!&ing idea what they're doing. Happy?

It's mauve kryptonite, dig?

superspawn
Raise your Hands...Raise Your hands if your SURE!

WHAT? WHAAAAAAAAAAT? Any deodorant that's not Old Spice Zone results in IMMEDIATE banishment to the Phantom Zone!

superspawn: YOU WILL BOW DOWN BEFORE ME NE-EL! BOTH YOU, AND THEN ONE DAY, YOUR HEIRS!

cyberv
Clark paused, then decided to whack Azzarello with the tractor a few more times for good measure.

No. Whack him for "For Tomorrow".

sneakymonkey
Clark (mocking Lois): "Ooh! A.C. is such a hottie! He could have been an Olympic swimmer! And he cares about the environment! He's like so sensitive! Ooh." Yeah. Let's see you medal in the 100 Meter Freestyle with a tractor on your back, fish boy!

I mean, seriously, people. His power is TALKING to FISH. And he rates more than Zatanna? Heck, Detective Chimp could take Aquaman drunk with Aquaman on PCP! But then, no one can beat a drunk monkey. Sorry. Maybe an angry midget. But unlikely.

sneakymonkey
Chloe: Clark, what are you doing with that tractor?
Clark: Well, Lana's birthday is coming up, you know.
Chloe: Yeah, I knew that.
Clark: And I was thinking to myself, what do you get for the girl who has everything, yet who acts like she has nothing and repeatedly blames me for it, even though I've done nothing wrong? And that's when I decided that, rather than present her with a promise ring, which she would probably accept at the time, but would end up throwing at me and storming out of the Talon for some petty reason by mid-season, I will crush her with a tractor.
Chloe: Wow. That's a bit drastic, don't you think? And besides, you aren't completely blameless. The meteor shower that brought you to Earth did kill her parents.
Clark: I didn't kill her parents, a giant rock did. I was only three years old. I'm not taking the blame for that one anymore. Crushing this Lang, though, I'll completely take the credit for.

cyberv
Clark: Dad, I know you've always wanted to see outer space, but this is ridiculous.
Jon: JUST THROW IT ALREADY! YEE-HAW!

cyberv
Clark is repeatedly smacking the writers with the tractor.

Clark: LOIS! (WHACK) DOES! (WHACK) NOT! (WHACK) LIVE! (WHACK) IN! (WHACK) SMALLVILLE! (WHACK WHACK WHACK)

AND! (WHACK) MXY! (WHACK) IS! (WHACK) NOT! (WHACK) RUSSIAN! (WHACK)

EClarKent
Clark: NEAL LANA IS NOT A CYNIC! She is still mourning her parents death is all. Now appologize before I drop this tractor on you udder first.

Why do you say this to me when you know I shall only milk you for it?

Terminal
Clark: No one will discover Neal's body under this tractor.

I'm not dead yet! I think I'll go for a walk!

Steven Hutton
Clark: I think the meteor rocks have an effect on the tractor."
Johnathan: What makes you say that, son?
Clark: It ate my hands.

Steven Hutton
Clark: With the placement of this giant metallic eye-brow Mecka-Lana is finnally complete!

superman4ever
This new Pfizer underarm deodorant really works

Who is this Pfizer!? Come to me, Pfizer, if you dare. I DEFY YOU! COME! COME AND KNEEL BEFORE OLD SPICE!

cyberv
Clark: Dad, I TOLD you you couldn't get on a tractor like you did that Charger.

Jon: Shut up and help me find my legs.

JasonSpidey
Clark: (explaining himself to Chloe) I wasn't born anywhere near Smallville. In fact, I wasn't born anywhere near this galaxy.
Chloe: So..you're a...
Clark: Yeah. A Californian.

Living in Washington State, that's an especially good joke. Like, totally.

JasonSpidey
Clark: Alicia? Are you under here?
Jonathan: Clark, she's gone. You need to let her go.
Clark: I know, Pa, but...I just miss her so much...
Jonathan: We know, Clark. It's like there's a hole in the heart of the whole town.

Planet-man
Smallville in it's death throws:

Clark discovers the numbers "4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42" etched into the bottom of the Kents' tractor as Lois and Lana make out in the background.

Curse you! I had to google that!

JasonSpidey
There once was a man from east Kansas,
Who's (THE FOLLOWING LINES HAVE
BEEN CENSORED DUE TO THE INTERNET
DECENCY ACT OF 1998, AND FOR THE
PROTECTION OF AMERICA'S YOUTH) milk it.

If I could make the rules, you could say (THE FOLLOWING LINES HAVE BEEN CENSORED DUE TO THE INTERNET DECENCY ACT OF 1998, AND FOR THE PROTECTION OF AMERICA'S YOUTH) milk it, but then, I don't. Mothers with expectations of content do. Selah! I think that (THE FOLLOWING LINES HAVE BEEN CENSORED DUE TO THE INTERNET DECENCY ACT OF 1998, AND FOR THE PROTECTION OF AMERICA'S YOUTH) milks it, but then, (THE FOLLOWING LINES HAVE BEEN CENSORED DUE TO THE INTERNET DECENCY ACT OF 1998, AND FOR THE PROTECTION OF AMERICA'S YOUTH), so what you gonna do? It's a sick, sick world.

CinemaGuy1
If you look closely, you can see James Marsters dripping out of the back of the tractor.

Whedon army...GO! Divert your vitriol to Cinema Guy! MWU HA HA HA!

kaleldpn
This is for restarting my comic and getting rid of Superboy, Mr. Byrne! (hurls tractor towards the East Coast)
And this is for killing off my cousin, Mr. Wolfman (tractor heads toward Califiornia)
And this is for really messing up my origin and confusing readers, Mr. Waid! (one flies off into the distance)
There - I feel better already!

Don't forget Azarello! Man, you know they got a million tractors on that farm! And save one for Detective Chimp. He just knocked back a few, and he heard I used his name without giving DC a nickel.

CinemaGuy1
Made in China, unlike "Sacred."

And Kryptonite.

CinemaGuy1
ClarK : "No no, Lana, just a few inches to the left."

Lana: "Oh Clark, I've waited so long."

Clark: "Me too." (Drops Tractor on Lana) "Was it as good for you as it was for me?"

Shalamarke
Pa: Whatcha doin with that, Clark?
Clark (heading for the barn): I'm really not sure. Lana wanted it... she said something about adding a little excitement - - ...
Pa: Excitement? To what?
Clark: ah... gotta go!

Shalamarke
Johnathon: How far do you think you can throw it, Clark?
Clark: I dunno... I was thinking about Uranus.

Shalamarke
Clark walks into a bar with a tractor on his head. The bartender says, Hey where'd you get that ape? Clark says, It's not an ape! It's a tractor! The bartender says, I was TALKING to the Tractor!

Shalamarke
Science Teacher: Clark, the assignment was to bring a Caterpillar to class.
Clark: *points to logo*
Teacher: Sigh.

xXManofSteelXx
This is what it looks like when they run out of ideas ... Clark vs. Tractor Man.

The tractor that...that's right...was tilling a field when the meteor shower hit.

CinemaGuy1
Tom Welling in the next Kenny Chesney Video.

CinemaGuy1
Just a sidenote - I looked it up and Kenny Chesney DOES have a song called "She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy"

WHO IS THIS KENNY CHESNEY? COME TO ME, CHESNEY, IF YOU DARE! I DEFY YOU! COME! COME AND KNEEL BEFORE....NEAL!

I thank you for the warning, Cinema Guy, ruler of Australia.

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