Caption Contest

August 2, 2006: Caption Contest

Caption Competition


And the runner-ups:

Crap. Kryptonite room.

super surfer
Superman being chased by two kryptonite men.

(From the Green men in the back): Stop him!... Superman, WAIT! Don't fly away. We're much better than the Blue Man Group... Really!

Today Superman faces his greatest threat ever when the Special Effects Revenge Squad teams up with the Chameleon Twins!!!

super surfer
Let's see the doll do THIS!

Bryan Singer: You know what this scene needs more of? Cow Bells! Gotta have the cow bells!

FX Team: And that's a wrap. Ok guys, see you tomorrow.
Routh: Hey guys, don't rush off so fast. Guys?!?

"Quick, it's Superman spray him with this hose!"

He sprays Superman in the eye.

Superman: "Ahhhh!"

Superman falls to the ground and the crowd is in shock. Superman looks up at them.

"Just kidding."

Supes: That's it guys, you play dead, that'll fool me. D'uh.

"He's definitely coming Mr. Luthor."

evil paparazzi with krytonite cameras!!!

Brandon: John get down from the steps, and if you shoot me once more with that water gun I swear I'll throw this cheese I have in my cape at you.

I'm not sure WHY the cheese in the cape is funny, it just is. Cool points.

*car wash song plays*

Bryan Singer spared no expense making sure those tell-tale perspiration stains didn't make an appearance...

Group Leader: You men, distract him with your green potato guns. Then, while he's distracted, I'll spray him, and he'll melt! Mwa Ha Ha!
Superman: God, I know it's cliche, but...I'm not in Kansas anymore.

JasonSpidey: I have no f***ing clue why I though the above was funny.

Neal Bailey caption contest tip #9,546: NEVER post while inebriated. You wake up pregnant.

Superman: (to green guys) You can't stop me, you mustard looking-mustard?
Green Guy 1: Aw, ain't that a bich?
Green Guy 2: We're Relish, m$th@r****a! Mustard...

Did you know they have a Juggernaut sequel up now? As funny if not better than the first one.

After all the kryptonite on earth was destroyed, the team discovered that the only thing capable of slowing Superman down were air cannons loaded with Michael Rosenbaum's flatulence.

Brandon: (thinking) Well, at least I'll get a Ken doll out of this.

This looks like a job..for Industrial Light and Magic!

Despite nearly a dozen indsetructible wires holding him back, four men firing kryptonite cannons at hiom, and one guy on a ladder trying to muss up his hairdo, Superman still manages to get past them and extract his vengenace on the guy who decided to turn his classic boots into rubber Nikes with "S" signs on the back.

YTMND: Semi-Epic Superman Maneuver

To understand this caption, check out this link. The basic idea is a YTMND where people get out of bad situations like pros. Per this. For the record, YTMND references will get you almost instantly into the winner's circle. Yes, I am biassed.

super surfer
You'll believe a man can hang.

super surfer
Superman: Let's see Jack Sparrow do THIS!

Word. I mean, I like Depp, he played Hunter, but frickin' PIRATES OF THE CARRIBEAN? The world's gone mad.

Jane!!! Get me off this crazy thing!!!!!

...called love...He wants you back he screamed like a fireman going to a window that has no fire. Woman. Whoaaaaaaa man. Whooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa MAN!

Pat O'Brian: On the next Access Metropolis, it's Superman uncensored. Paparazzi expose the man of steel's super secrets. Wires to fly? Green screen effects? You betcha!

Also, who was Jimmy Olsen licking? What Daily Planet newspaper editor milked a tractor? What does Old Spice Red Zone have to do with any of this? Find out on the next Access Metropolis!

You forgot John Tesh singing the theme to the Superman musical.

Let's play another game of My Job Sucks!

Green screen guys: We have to be in full body green spandex all day. Our eyes and mouths are covered. It's hard to breath.

Guy holding fan under Superman's crotch: I have to lay under Brandon's super package all day. Do you know the he!! I receive from my family and friends?

Guy on ladder: My only job is making Superman's hair look like it's naturally blowing in the breeze.

Superman: I get paid millions to be a superstar icon that billions know and love. Women want to be with me, men want to be me.

And the winner is... SUPERMAN!!!!! Thank you all for playing.

Crew: @#$%&

Crew: "Surrender, Superman, or we'll kill you with this Old Red Mountain Cheerios Nicoderm Budweiser Samsung Spice Phantom Dew Scrabble Zone Ford Nikon Fusion!"


Singer: "Cut! No, you were supposed to WANT to be killed by those things! That's it. Cut! I'm off to count cash."

All that green screen. And they couldn't have just digitally inserted a better caption picture?

Turning the Earth as we speak...

Additional Set Design by Hal Jordan.

Everyone laughed at little Jimmie when he said he wanted to squirt movie stars with garden hoses when he grow'd up.

Beats a certain unnamed Kevin Smith occupation from Clerks.

Superman accidentally flies onto the set of Sin City 2...

super surfer
Ursa: Look at them. They need green screen technology to fly.

super surfer
Zod: This "Super Man" is nothing of the kind. I've discovered his weakness. He uses special effects.
Ursa: So he can slack off?
Zod: I suppose.
Ursa: Lazy idiot.

Green Guy on the Right: Do I look fat in this suit?

Green Guy on the Left: Don't worry. We'll be completely removed from the shot later. Nobody's ever going to see us like this. NOBODY.

As Professor Air Compressor braced himself on the ladder preparing for the inevitable impact, he surveyed his paltry defenses of two pudgy green ninjas and a motley band of hippies with nerf cannons.

Professor Air Compressor: Wow, man. I severely underestimated this situation. Like, big time. Sh--. *WHAM!*

Brandon: This is sooo cool! I'm going to join Adam West, Linda Carter, that Hulk guy and the blond from Greatest American Hero in the super hero hall of fame. I mean, just look at what playing super heroes did for their careers...

I'd STILL date Linda Carter. Just sayin'.

super surfer
Superman: Peter Pan? Peter Pan flew with children, Lois. I fly with green guys.

This set up is very similar to the one they have on the set of Smallville, where Kristen Kreuk is directed to simply pout and stomp around and the plot will be inserted later.

Also known as the "Marvel" style.

Technician Kneeling Next To The Ladder: You can fly. You belong in the sky. And I... could belong to each other. If you need a friend... I'm the one to fly to. If you need to be loved... here I am. Read my mind.

Technician On The Ladder: We can all read your mind, Chuck. Because you talking out loud. And quite frankly, you're making Mr. Routh a little uncomfortable.

"And just a moment too late, Supeman realizes that Kata-Zor's large green Kryptonian bong is also a cannon, composed of anti-particles, tau leptons, anti-higgs, bosons, and more! Superman begins to dodge blasts from Kata-Zor's cannon with slo-mo tracer moves, Matrix style!"

JJ Abrams looks up from his laptop, takes a hit off his own bong, moves a piece on his 3-D chess board sitting next to him, and grins.

Abrams (in Klingon): COOL.

We GOTTA find a way to bring anti-particles, tau leptons, anti-higgs, bosons, and more! into every caption contest. If you can do it, expect to make the list. Maybe we can get on Busiek's good side by...homaging it! Homaging it, yeah, that's the ticket!

Technician on the Ladder: Yeah, this is a good job, but you know, my real dream is to be an actor. In fact, I auditioned for this very role. Did you know that? Yeah. But they told me I wasn't "classically handsome" enough to be Superman. Can you believe that?

Brandon Routh: Uh, could you move the compressor guns a little? You're shooting air straight into my eyes.

Technician: Stings, doesn't it, pretty boy?

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