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Caption Contest

February 18, 2007: Caption Contest

Winner:
sneakymonkey
Lois (singing): Anything you can do, I can do better! I can do anything better than you!

Ashley: ... (Shivs Lois, then walks away.)

And the runner-ups:

sneakymonkey
Because nothing says ease of movement in combat like tight red leather. And spiked heels for optimum balance, of course.

Terminal
Ashley: Red leather?
Erica: It's either this or Butterfly Effect 3, so I'm out of options.

sneakymonkey
Assistant Director: Hey, Bob? Whacha thinkin' about?

Director: Unprintable things, Carl. Wholly shameful, unprintable things.

Assistant Director: Yeah, we can tell. You've been hand framing this shot for about forty-five minutes with this weird look on your face. You're kinda creeping everybody out.

Terminal
Then it got creepy when the director mashed his fingers together making kissing noises.

Terminal
Director: And then you guys tear the costumes off and fight in the jello!
Ashley: Why is that in the episode?
Director: Episode?

the-dork-knight
Miles: All of the bottled water in the corner? Yeah, it's for shrinking the leather. What, do you really think a mortal woman could get into that outfit?

Erica: Help...me...

Al: Silence!

the-dork-knight
Unrelated note: Aaron! You don't know who ROY ORBISON is! He did Pretty Woman, man! He's only the single rockinest old dude this side of Dick Clark's preserved head!

I like Only the Lonely quite a bit, myself. Mostly because I wonder how such a timid guy can hit such a high note.

kal_el_87
Director: "The essence of Mortal Kombat is not about death, but life. Mortal men and women protecting your own world..."

Erica: "What the h--- are you talking about?"

Ashley: "If I did not believe in you, Erica Durance, I would not have helped you. In the Black Tower, you will face three challenges. You must face your enemy. You must face yourself. And you must face your worst fear."

Erica: "Oka-ay... Al Gough, myself, and a sequel to this episode. Gotcha."

Director: "IT HAS BEGUN!"

MORTAL KOMBAT!

the-dork-knight
Ashley: Do you know how much you annoy me?

The answer is...a lot!

Should I list the reasons why? Well I don't see why not!

It's your hair, your nose, your bulbous chest,
You're always nearly nude.
Not to mention it's apparent that you never intake food.
That you're not a real reporter never ceases to perplex,
And oh my god the only guy you haven't jumped is Lex!

A SLAM!, and then a spotlight:

It all started with Chloe in the dirt...
Chain smoking, Clark wearing no shirt...
Margot Kidder wore an A,
Erica Duuuuurance....hey HEY!
Now fan-beloved mythos plots...are....no...MORE!

Tork
*pause*

*lick*

I have no way to end that joke, yet felt compelled to put it up anyway.

sneakymonkey
Erica: Okay, I think we're ready for the scene. (Turns to the director) Any last minute tips?

(Male members of the crew all throw dollar bills on the set.)

Tork
So... the Phantom Zone is Vince MacMahon's office?

BONE-SAW IS REEAAAAAA-DY!

super surfer
Ashley: I've got zoner powers!
Lois: I've got cramps!
Ashley: You win.

super surfer
Roy Orbison: Ooooh, Ooooh, pretty woman!

(or in this case women)

Roy Orbison Jokes just entered the "Anti-Higgs" instant finalist fodder category.

Sven-El
Athena: What an undemanding male this Kal-El must be.
Lois Lane: Yeah, and you could use a tuck here and there yourself, sister.

Eradicator9
Interviewer: Al, I was just watching last week's episode and was wondering how is Lois kissing a Phantom Zoner supposed to tie in with Superman: The Movie? The supposed continuity for Smallville?

Al: Don't worry all, we'll find a way to tie all this in to Superman: The Movie, just stay tuned!"

*Suddenly screaming erupts from the interviewer as he has a sudden anurism(sp?) and drops dead from hearing "stay tuned" for too long.* smiley

____________________, Stay Tuned! is also a likely assurance of finalist status.

the-dork-knight
Ashley: (Long Pause) Behind your left ear.

Erica: Congratulations my friend, you have found the saltine!

JasonSpidey
Ohio seismologists have been reporting unusual tectonic atcivity from the area near Cleveland on recent Thursday nights. After analyzing the data, they have determined it could have only arisen from extremly rapid rotation of the bodies of Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster.

JasonSpidey
I suppose I can understand the pleather, but why is Meat Loaf singing to them?

I REMEMBER EVERYTHING! I remember every little thing as if it happened only yes-terday. Whatever happened to Saturday night?

JasonSpidey
Alexander Luthor finally creates his ideal Earth.

JasonSpidey
Studio Executive: See now, this is the sort of synergy I always knew would come out of merging UPN and WB.
Director: Yeah, I can feel the synergy all the way down in my -

(Steve's knife-wrench flies halfway around the Earth and hits JasonSpidey in the back of the head, knocking him out.)

KNIFE WREEEEEENCH! (For Steve).

emerald_knight
The Butterfly Effect 2: Butterfly Harder

the-dork-knight
Smallville fan: Mr. Director sir, how do you respond to the complaints that your show has become awash in childish behavior and juvenile sexuality far below the level expected of a show about an American myth?

Director: Pardon me, what were you saying? I was staring at Ashley's chest.

Al: Mythos! Journey! Superman! STAY TUNED!

JasonSpidey
Yet another violation of the "no tights, no flights" rule.

the-dork-knight
This is a West Side Story musical number just waiting to happen.

With freaks and Zoners all over the plaaaaaaaaace!

AshuraH
Lick jokes, kiss jokes, leather jokes...

...one wrong word and the (Over)Concerned Mothers of America'll come down on us like a sack of bricks

Context...contest makes all the difference. It's key. Like Clark saying "I hate grandmothers!" might get me shot at. But "A monkey walked into a bar and pushed down a baby. "I hate grandmothers!" it said."" is another matter entirely. In this case, we're just analyzing through parody what Smallville did, so we're not the reason hot chicks in pleather are on the show, we're just reacting to it.

Shalamarke
Erica: You look like a monkey.
Ashley: Is that supposed to be funny?
Erica: Neal says Monkies are always funny.
Ashley: There are no monkies in this photo.
Erica: Precisely why I said you look like a monkey.
Ashley: You look like a fire extinguisher.
Erica: Fire extinguishers aren't funny.
Ashley: They are if you milk them.
Erica: Tractors are funny when milked, dolt.
Ashley: That's it! Where's the pool of jello ...
Erica: Neal never mentioned jello ... although he did mention not getting baninated.
Ashley: That's why he's here *points*
Director: CUT!

I was RIGHT! See. It made the finalists!

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February 18, 2007: Caption Contest

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