Caption Contest

June 23, 2005: Caption Contest

Caption Competition

Clark: Yeah, that's great. Very coy, very sexy. (Snatches glasses.) Nothing sexier than spit on my ear. I need these to see, thank you very much.

The runner-ups:

neal bailey on June 23 2005 - 16:52:19
Years later, the Clex fans learn the definition of true pain when Clark becomes GQ instead of geeky, but alas, only has eyes for Jimmy.

whatchel on June 23 2005 - 17:29:32
The Gay thing is getting OLD!

FEH, I say! The gay SLAMMING thing is getting old. My best friend is gay, so I assure you, no anti- bias here. I can tell slander from good natured kidding. Can you? And for the record, I'm not singling out because it was about my entry, I'd address any complaint of -ism, if you will.

Kate thinking to herself "Ha Ha make fun of my forehead all you want I am still rich and famous and your just a fanboys on the internet"


Superman returned after 5 years in outer space to realize that, by now, NO ONE bought that glasses trick anymore.

Lois: Thanks for lending me your glasses Cla-OHMYGOD!!! (turns blonde from the shock of suddenly seeing Clark as Superman and promptly forgets everything) Clark: I didn't even have to kiss her this time...

Clark Kent then joined the cast of "The Daily Show". People then began to think that Jon Stewart was Superman.

John Stewart IS Superman. Or Green Lantern.

Does this image mean for the next few months we'll be seeing mostly Superman Returns pictures instead of Smallville ones? Does this mean that Neal Bailey has finally recovered from his Lana Lang obsession? And which of these six South Park residents was killed and will never be seen again? The answers to those questions will be revealed... right now: Yes; No; Ms. Choksondik.

That's it! Nothing but ALL LANA, ALL THE TIME, from HERE ON OUT!

(advertising blurb inside a DC comic) in just 4 months ... Countdown to Infinte Hair Crisis! Who will stay? Who will comb? Who will part ways?

Your appearance now is what we call residual self image. It is the mental projection...of your digital self.

These Superman promotional photos are nice, but I just can't wait for the America's Dairy Farmer and Milk Processors latest "got milk?" poster showing Superman lifting a tractor.

Lois: Hey! Clark! OH MY GOD!
Clark (without glasses): Er... um... Lois, i don't know what you mean.
Lois: It's so obvious!
Clark: I guess i have some 'splanin' to do.
Lois: YEAH! Without your glasses, it's obvious that you're really NEAL BAILEY!

Pay heed to the benefits of FLATTERY! Otherwise, you just have to be funny...

The Old Bum
An add for CK2 cologne.

The Old Bum
"Oh yeah, man, it's gonna be huge. Seriously, infinite crisis is going to change EVERYTHING about the DC Universe. Take this before and after shot of the character Lana Lang..."

And the new, styling Rappin Lex. FRESH!

The Old Bum
You can't see it here, but the third person in this shot was Michael Caine in his "Otis" outfit.

Wuts all this den, guvnuh, about me weight and your IQ?

The Old Bum
Clark, aside to audience: Yeah, she looks cute to you, but with my X-ray vision I can see the stretchmarks.

That's so cold, bum, that my fingers are frozen to the keyboard. Wootah.

The Old Bum
After removing his glasses, Lois Lane, moron, was still confused because of his contact lenses.

Guy with Green Hair: Hello, dum-dum!
Clark Whispers: Get outta here, Gazoo!
Lois: What? Well, if you wanted me to leave...
Gazoo: Yes as a matter of fact, he does.
Clark: Yes. - - I mean, NO! No... I mean... uh, your hair looks nice. (shaddup, Gazoo!)
Lois: You're odd.
Gazoo and Clark in Unison: Who?

Clark: You could almost call it a five head! Bwahaha! That's hilarious! Lois: Yeah, I get it, Clark. Clark: That kid kills me.

Tom Welling has the same picture hanging in his trailer on the set of Smallville. Except his picture has inked in devil horns and crossed eyes on Brandon Routh with the word "Fart!" in a cartoon bubble appearing at the bottom of the picture. Because the bubble trails off the page, it is unclear as to which actor Tom was intending to be the one that "dealt it."

CyberV looks at the picture, then at Neal.
CyberV: Neal, are you SURE you're not punishing them?

Very well, Aaron, Ruler of Australia! You live!

Lois: I wonder if his head got that big as a side effect from space, whoops wrong movie.

It's a VERtual PLANET-OID! Heed! Pants! Now! We have a Bosworth down. I repeat, We have a Bosworth down! Whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa MAN!

He wants you GONE he screamed into the night like a Superman going to a window that

A gong sounds.

I...what? I'm the winner of the most obscure 90s reference ever!

I asked for the BIG trophy! Hello!

Anyone still with me? (Sorry. I like Mike Myers)

Kate: Okay, so I was in Win a date with Tad Sumpfin or other with Topher Grace, who was in Mona Lisa's Smile with Julia Roberts who was in Flatliners with...
Brandon: Yeah Yeah, Kevin why don't you stop Rubbing it my face that you got there quicker than me?
Kate: I told you going with Michael Douglass in Traffic wasn't a good idea...

Not so funny, but very good on the Kevin Bacon. Impressive. MOST impressive. Nooooooooooooooo!

I'm not kidding, that boy's head is like Sputnik; spherical but quite pointy at parts! Aye, now that was offsides, now wasn't it? He'll be crying himself to sleep tonight, on his huge pillow.

Head! Pants! Now!

See? I didn't make that stuff up.

Lois: Happy Anniversary, Clark.
Clark: Lois, we broke up four years ago.
Lois: Well, that doesn't mean we can't still go out.
Clark: Well, actually it does. That's what breaking up is. Party on!

I don't have A book contract, let alone many which would necessitate a rack. And you know what the worst part is? I NEVER LEARNED TO READ!

Lois: Can you read my mind?
Do you know what it is that you do to me?
I don't know who you are ...
Just a friend from another star
Here I am like a kid out of school
Holding hands with a god
I'm a fool
Will you look at me!!!!
Like a little girl
You can see right through me
Can you read my mind?
Can you picture the things I'm thinking of?
Wondering why you are
All the wonderful things you are
You can fly!
You belong in the sky!
You and I
Could belong to each other
If you need a friend
I'm the one to fly to
If you need to be loved
Here I am
Read my mind...

Clark: Shutup.

Guaranteed the LONGEST caption entry that will EVER enter the winner's circle. That shutup...priceless.

Brandon Routh: Hey Kate. You know, I've always kind of had a "Blue Crush" on you. Kate Bosworth: Thanks, Brandon! And lucky me, it looks like I've "Won A Date With Superman"! Brandon Routh: Heh heh. (Awkward silence. Someone in the audience coughs.) Kate Bosworth: And now, here are the "super" nominees for MTV's Best Movie Kiss of 2005...

Another point scored by an unwitting contestant who has no idea that I hate MTV!

Lois: If Superman left 5 years ago and is now back when I am 22, that means I was 17 when he left. Hope the fanboys don't notice.

Headline on paper: FANBOYS NOTICE!!

Clark: I can't believe you ditched me for Cyclops. I mean, he's only got the one power. Optic blasts? Lame duck version of heat vision. And he can't even control it without strapping a viewmaster to his face! Lois: Yeah, well when he found out I was pregnant, he didn't fly away into outer space. Clark: Ah. Good point. I maybe have some commitment issues...

Neil was getting down with some Lynard Skynard before Clark rudely fried his sound system with his heat vision. Neil: Curse you, Clark Kent! Then he shot back at Clark with his laser vision, missed, and shot Lois' arm off.

Minus points for making me like Lynynynynynrd, who stink outside of their one hit, but plus points for giving me laser vision. So torn!

Neil motioned for Clark to walk over to his truck, stuffed his mouth full of mashed potatoes, and then punched his cheeks. Clark: What the $@&*? Neil: I'm a zit!! HAHAHAHAAHA!! Then Neil fired up the Baileymobile and tried to get away, but Clark supersped in behind Neil's truck and lifted the back tires off the ground. Neil: Can't you take a joke? Clark: NO! Then Clark flipped the truck upside down and kicked it, causing it to spin around like a top.

Bingo! This is more like it. In the end though, you needed the line, "And then he went and got a metric ton of chicks with small foreheads to sit in his lap. Booya!". Then you would have been the WINNER!

Planet-man on June 30 2005 - 20:15:58
Kate: You're the worst casting choice for this movie!
Brandon: No, you are!
Bryan: Kids! Kids! Please stop fighting! You're both right!

Shalamarke on June 30 2005 - 22:57:33
Clark - Hey, Lois! Do you think Neal forgot about the caption contest this week?
Lois - I'm not sure, Clark! You know, there are only 166 comments at the moment...
Clark - Golly, Lois... I guess you're right. Something about Smallville playing regularly really helps the contest keep going strong.
Lois - Well, that's probably because there's always a link to it on Neal's review page.
Clark - Oh, yeah. Do you think he's going to make us stand here through another week?
Lois - I sure don't know, but I can tell you that these heels are killing me and if I have to keep sucking your glasses for nourishment, then I'm afraid I may turn into a huge ball of wax. By the way, how are you keeping from starving?
Clark - Well, Lois... Kryptonian's don't have to eat! *gulp!* Clark thinks: Oh no, I let the cat out of the bag!
Lois - Kryptonians? What's that?
Clark - uh, well ... it's kind of like Vegetarians, really. Only ... instead of not eating meat ... well, ... we don't eat anything! *yeah, that's it, he thinks... let's see if she buys it*
Lois - oh! Wow... I bet a person really loses weight on a diet like that.
Clark - * YES! *
Singer: NO!! No no no... *sigh* Ok - - MAKEUP! Take her back to brunette. She's much too dumb as a blonde. Sorry, Kate.

Aw, low blow! Actually, it has nothing to do with the link page on, plug plug, though that is definitely a cool thing to mention. The fact is, I write in fugues, meaning, I sit down, and I start writing, and I don't stop. I wake up, write, then sleep, stopping only to eat. About 14-16 hours a day, all said and told. And that ends when I'm too tired to continue. Then I play Warcraft. I just got on a particular roll, looked up, and it was Saturday and Aaron was saying, "Neal! Neal! Where are you!?" And I said, "I don't know!" And then I looked up, and here we are! BING! New contest! That, and Smallville helps me center, you're right. Sorry, folks!

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