Caption Contest

August 5, 2007: Caption Contest

Caption Competition

Neal: Okay, now say it with me, Laura and in your most seductive voice...

Laura Vandervoort: I like turtles...

Neal: YES!!!!

And the runner-ups:

Super Phill
My God! Just look at her Brains!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gough: How's the costume, everything fit okay?

Laura: These shorts are so tight, I can't feel my legs.

Gough: Right, right. Alright everybody, let's roll cameras!

Like her cousin, Clark Kent, Supergirl only knows one weakness. Unlike her cousin, Clark Kent, that weakness is eating.

Supergirl: Hi, I'm your new plot distraction for this season!

See what happens when an alien's first glimpse of humanity is the Bratz! movie?

Gough: If I could sum up Supergirl's character on Smallville, I would say she's an extremely attractive, morally confused, self-centered alien weilding unbelievable power.

Reporter: So how does that differ from the character of Clark on the show?

Gough: She flies.

I wonder if she can milk a tractor...

Supergirl: All of the anti-higgs and bosons on my space craft gave me strength, speed, and the body of a freakin' powerhouse!

Smallville Gone Wild

Smallville Then: No tights, no flights.

Smallville Now: No clothes, more hos.

super surfer
Nice Bosons!

Wow, that's just the kind of role model teenage girls need. A girl who can eat anything she wants without gaining weight AND can fly.

Ten bucks says the following:
-Kara will be naked when she comes out of her spaceship
-Kara will inexplicably have complete command of her powers as soon as she emerges from the ship
-There will be an awkward "ooh, he's hot" moment where she checks out Clark before she discovers he's her coursin; however, Clark will not get the chance to do the same because the producers removed his berries back in Season Four
-Kara will get put on Red K at some point this season and share a lesbian kiss, probably with Lois
-Kara will never go to school, and only get a job for the comedic potential it might provide (i.e. she gets a job at the Talon serving coffee, but when some @-hole looks at her the wrong way she heat-visions his foot)

Anyone want to take the bet?

I understand what Neal means about not needing cheap titillation on television. I really do. If you want to look at nekkid ladies, there's a whole internet full of pictures, not to mention Playboy, Penthouse, acres of adult movies produced every day, Skin-e-max, and C:SPAN After Dark.

But when I look at that picture, all I can think is, "Please, oh please, can we put the season premiere on HBO?"

In the previous week's picture, Lex's gun suddenly fires.

Hmm. They killed off John Schneider's character and added Erica Durance to the show in Seasons Four and Five. John Glover has been relegated to the occasional guest spot, and they made Justin Hartley a regular guest star, giving him hours more screen time in the last season than old Lionel Luthor. Now, Annette O' Toole's character has been written out of town and they bring in smoking young hottie, Laura Vandervoot as Supergirl.

Smallville. It's the primetime drama equivalent of Logan's Run.

Man, working at the CW must be great. Their solution to glaring plot issues and inconsistent writing is to just throw some a-- at it.
I wish I could do that at my job...

Boss: The client's about ready to walk. The CFO wants to know how we're going to resolve this, or they're going to pull ALL of their accounts. Any ideas? (Silence). Anyone?

Sneakymonkey (confidently): More boobies.

(Silence. Then the room bursts into applause.)

Boss (pats Sneakymonkey on the back): That's what we hired you for, Monkey. When it comes to crunch time, you're at your most brilliant. Have a cigar. And my office. And you're getting a raise!

Kara's patented finishing move, The Kryptonian Necktie, consisted of a flying leg scissors in which she applied pressure with her thighs to a villain's neck until he passed out, a devastatingly effective move when fighting criminals in Smallville in Season Seven.

Which is why Belle Reeve suddenly saw an increase in meteor freak incarceration, all of them wearing neck braces and grinning like idiots.

The casting of Laura Vandervoort caused a slight rift in the Smallville cast:

Mike Rosenbaum and John Glover worried that introducing Supergirl might take away what credibility the show had.

Annette O'Toole and Allison Mack both felt they were being phased out for yet another piece of eye candy.

Erica Durance and Kristin Kreuk were concerned the appearance of Supergirl would take the attention away from them.

Tom Welling probably would have had a problem, too, but he was too busy in his trailer saying "Voort" over and over again and giggling like a 6-year-old.

Neal Bailey browsed the Smallville site one day, and found a picture of Laura vandervoort as Supergirl. What happened next, can only be speculation...

{Dramatization} Neal (Clicking furiously): Come on...Enlarge photo, enlarge photo!
Computer explodes. Neal screams...

Until next time, this has been...Unsolved Mysteries!

Eh. The higher the maintenance, the less the attraction for me. Gimme a girl who spits, curses, and hides behind leather.

last man of krypton
Kara: I appear to be radiating anti-higgs boson energy...
Lex: I'd like to check out your bosons! Hot Kryptonian-five!

Ladies and Gentleman, I give you Kara, the Cousin Oliver of Smallville.

Supergirl: I was sent to earth with a personal stylist, a fitness instructor, a Starbucks, an assistant and a wardrobe closet full of tomorrow's fashions.

Clark: I was sent to earth with a blanket and crystals.

Supergirl: *laughs* Man, Jor-El was a ****.

True dat.

Yes, she's very pretty. But this addition to the show still won't fill the void left by the death of Lana Lang.



But...we saw her blow up!

Steve: Alright, guys, the Caption Contest is two weeks late and we need to pick a good picture to smooth things over.

Neal: We could do a "Lana in peril" picture!

Steve: Oh, that's your answer to everything!

Aaron: What about Clark wearing funny glasses?

Steve: No... that may cause a riot...

Neal: What about a picture of Jimmy... as Giant Turtle Boy!

*Steve and Aaron stare blankly*

Neal: Because, you know, I like turt-- nevermind.

Steve: Jeez, what should we do...?

*suddenly a faint yodel comes through, growing stronger*

The Todd (*on hospitial roof with a giant horn*): Boooooooo--bieeeeeeeesssssss...Boooooooo--bieeeeeeeesssssss...Boooooooo--bieeeeeeeesssssss..

Steve: It's PERFECT! Problem solved! Now, on to the next order of business: baninating Tork for this drawn-out and insulting joke. All in favor?

Neal and Aaron: AYE!

Tork: Rats...

jimmy mac
Meanwhile, Popeye's Fried Chicken is desperately trying to make a merchandizing deal.

Old contest five!

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