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Caption Contest

January 19, 2006: Caption Contest

Winners:
TIE!

Gislef
And so began the legend of Jonathan Kent's five-point-palm-exploding-heart technique.

and

JasonSpidey
Jonathan: ...and we're gonna go on to Granville, and Kansas City, and Wichita, and Salina, and Dodge City, and then we're gonna go all the way to Topeka and take back the state senate!!! YEEEHAW!!!
(He leaps into the nearest Dodge Charger and leaps it over the stage)

And the runner-ups:

sneakymonkey
Jonathan: Heh, I'm sure my opponent, Miss Sullivan, here, would like you to believe that she's the most qualified candidate, but---wait a minute. What are we running for here again? Viewer poll for who's most likely to bite it in episode 100?! I concede! I concede!

Captin Armpit
Come Neal. Be the first in line to take a shot at Lana Lang. I can tell you've waited for this a long time.

Ooooo-rah

GLArmada 7800
Trust me Hazard County, I will work for you.

Terminal
Jonathan Kent: Don't cry for me, Argentina!!

KiddSketch
I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Ms Lang

WhoooMan
"..and here we have this beautiful tractor up for auction.."

Superlycan
Come, Son of Jor-El, kneel before Bo Duke

Superlycan
Hi I'm John Schnieder and you're not.

Suntanned Superman
Yes, that's my wife. If that's not a reason to vote for me, I don't what is!

JasonSpidey
Jon: (Singing)
LET MY SO-ON SOAR
LIKE HE'S NEVER SOARED BEFORE
FROM SEASON ONE TO SEASON FOUR...
LET THE MIGHTY CLARK KENT SOAR...

Clark: (handing a lead box to Chloe; something rocky rattles inside) Open this, and kill me now.

Ashcroft humor. I'd love it, if my phones weren't tapped.

JasonSpidey
Jonathan: My son did not have sexual relations with that woman.
(points at Lana; Clark, sheepishly, steps up next to his dad and adjusts his father's aim until he's pointing at Chloe)
Jonathan: Wait, are you serious? You took little Miss Prissy-Pants over Cute and Spunky?
(Clark nods)
Jonathan: (back to crowd) Ladies and gentlemen...I'm afraid my son is an idiot.

True dat.

Suntanned Superman
Jonathon takes a question from a reporter in the audience.....

Reporter: "How is it possible you are still in this election race against someone as rich and as powerful as Lex Luthor? Considering your financial situation the past 5 years.....?

Jonathon: "You think this is unrealistic, you should've seen some of those of episodes on Lois and Clark! Howie Mandel as Mxyzptlk, indeed!"

JasonSpidey
Jon: Why, yes, I did hire a very leggy, buxom twenty-year old with a body that could stop a clock to be my campaign manager.
(unheard question from press corps)
And yes, she does have no prior experience.
(unheard question from press corps)
I believe she was kicked out for alcohol violations.
(unheard question from press corps)
Yes, she did live in my house for several months. In fact, I exiled my son to the couch so she could have his room, which is coincidentally just ten feet from my own.
(unheard question from press corps)
My wife is fifty-one years old.
(unheard question from press corps)
No, I don't think "Lanegate" would be contradictory phrasing.

JasonSpidey
Jonathan: Well, if I had to choose between the two...I suppose I'd go with Giant D*uche.

Makeshift Python
Johnathan: " And now... finally. Take my hand and swear eternal loyalty to Zod."

JasonSpidey
Jon: And, no, I would never kneel before Zod.

Gislef
Wow, the gypsy said my lifeline seems to cut off in...two episodes? What does that mean?

BlackKryptonite
John Schneider: And here I present the man of the hour. He bashes smallville even though he secretly loves it. One of the greatest writers of our time.... Captain Pessimistic himself... NEAL BAILEY!

*the price is right music plays*

I came closest without going over? Besides, I'm not a pessimist, I'm a hopeful realist. I wish to succeed, I know chances are rough.

superspawn
Thank You Police Academy,
Than you especially Mahoney and Lassard!

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzip!

Pravus
Alexander Luthor's true agenda: Reopen the portal to the Multiverse and shift Jonathon into the Stephen King Universe to be assainated by Christopher Walkin.

You're gonna spill some coffe on yourself! It's gonna be hot!

The Old Bum
*The crowd goes silent*

Jim, tell me he didn't say he'd "make Luthor his Sue Dibney."

*Crowd continues to be silent.*

Chefsim
Johnathon: Say Lex, would you like a choclate covered pretzel?

Yes! Someone saw it!

AdamTrek
Jonathan Kent: Take my wife ... Please! Ha, ha. I kill me.

Lionel LuthOR: With PLEASURE!

Announcer: Stay tuned to Smallville: 100th Episode to know what Lionel is referring to: Martha or killing Jonathan Kent.

I'd go for both. Yahtzee!

superstu
Don't you just hate it when your fingers go through the toilet paper? Smell that !!!

The Old Bum
Hey AC, what have I got that you won't for long? Here's a little hint.

BostonCape
Chloe: You know Clark I don't think your dad is going to make it through this election. I have classified footage secretly taped of your mom excepting soft money from the Luthors...Not that I want it to happen but I think your dad is done..outtee...kaput...

Clark: "My dad invented pants"

GinaRenee
Jonathan: "And if elected, I promise to serve with the same unquestionable integrity that I have practiced all my life."

Gough: "Whoa, wait a minute. We have a character on this show with integrity? How did THAT happen?"

Millar: "Uh, not sure. Guess we'd better kill him off pronto, huh?"

Gough: "Looks that way."

Jonathan: ". . . Oops."

Captin Armpit
And here's picture proof that I have Neal Bailey's vote.

last man of krypton
Anchorman: ... and this is the last photo of Jonathan Kent, taken yesterday, prior to being shot by Lex Luthor who suddenly went beserk.
One day earlier
Newspaper reporter: What are your feelings on Lex Luthor?
Jon Kent: Lex LuthER and I have had our differences in the past, but I've discovered Lex LuthER is nothing like his father. In fact, I'd like the young LuthER to step up and shake my hand. Lex LuthER, where are you?
[LEX STEPS UP TO THE STAGE, HIS LEFT EYE TWITCHING]
Lex: It's LuthOR! [LEX SHOOTS JONATHAN] LUTH! [BANG!] OR! [BANG!] LUTH! [BANG] OR! [BANG!]
[LEX IS PROMPTLY DRAGGED AWAY BY SECURITY, ALL THE WHILE CHANTING HIS SURNAME]

sneakymonkey
Jonathan: The Tomorrow Party?! Sounds like a bunch of procrastinators, if you ask me.

Captin Armpit
Jon Kent's staff are all off camera trying to get him to stop laughing at his poorly timed "Superman and the invisable man" joke. Obviously noone else was.

Why does my backside hurt?

Captin Armpit
CAP: Hey Neal, remember the days when people would write a comment on your site and there wasn't some sort of gimmick?
Neal: Yeah, Captin Armpit, I remember those days. Sure miss those good old days. (sigh)
(suddenly Neal's computer explodes and he flies through his house landing unconscious in Strong Sad's room)
Strong Sad: Neal, did you're crapy computer explode again?
Neal: No, SHUT UP!! (udner breath) I liked that computer.

(soft voice): I'm evil...and I dress as David Byrne for Haloween.

Shalamarke
Jonathan: And I tell you all right now, let it be said that you heard it here first... This time next week, Neal Bailey will be dancing naked in the streets. And no, not for the usual reasons...

I always get naked when a Duke dies.

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January 19, 2006: Caption Contest

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