Caption Contest

January 21, 2007: Caption Contest

Caption Competition

Lex: I believe I will retract my statement about a ponytail being at the top of my wish list. I change it to legs. Definitely legs.

And the runner-ups:


Micheal Rosenbaum is Professor Xavier in X4.

Hay!!! Wait a second!!! I have no hair!!!

Lex: Your deranged fanatsy cost me my legs, Clark. Now I'm taking your life!
Clark: What are you talking about, Lex? You're just sitting on top of them. Look, you can even see the thick seat bottom where they're hidden.
Lex: Clark, listen to yourself! Secret leg compartments? Hidden caves? Tori Spelling? You're insane! If I still have legs, why can't I feel them?
Clark: Because they probably fell asleep. Look.
(Clark lifts Lex out of the chair, revealing his legs to be fine)
Clark: See?
Lex: (blank look)...LANA BE PRAISED! I AM HEALED!

Lex Luthor's One Weakness: Stairs

My tractor-sense is tingling...I sense BANNINGS AHEAD!

I did get one angry letter pointing out that a guy in a wheelchair is NOT FUNNY and NEVER HAS BEEN. It's the first real complaint letter I've seen for the caption contest.

Honestly, however, it'd be different if we were poking fun of people in wheelchairs. Instead, we're poking fun at the absurdity of the situation. Anyone poking fun at the malady of being disabled would obviously be insta-banned.

But hey, you know, if the contest didn't feature a guy in a wheelchair every now and again, I'd probably get a complaint letter for not being inclusive.

Point being, I don't ban or delete unless there's obvious malice or unless someone gets grievously and justly offended.

Or if Steve says. But that's obvious.

He's a billionaire, and he couldn't even afford a motorized wheelchair?

That's it! The time has come! Bring me the top half of my battlesuit!

Lex: Lana! Number two time! Lana!!!

Clearly, there's no way we could have gotten to this point without some sort of Epic Maneuver.

Wow, in a reality without Clark to save him, how on Earth could Lex have gotten hurt?

101 As a young boy by the meteor.
101 On the Loeb bridge.
110 By the invisible Jeff (post finding the watch).
110 By the invisible Jeff (post interrogation).
111 By Clark in the garage.
114 Tazered out by his ex-buddy Jude Royce.
115 Clark punk shoves him into a fireplace.
116 Thrown from a moving vehicle.
202 Seems to pass out after being lit on fire.
207 Needled out by Dunleavy.
207 Knocked out by falling from a chair
220 Clark punk slaps him from behind into Lala land.
223 By the plane crash
309 Tazered out in an escape attempt from Belle Reve.
309 Punched out by JTT (one of two, you borg fans)
309 Drugged out by inept guards
309 Electro shocked into oblivion
322 Drank some baaaaaad Brandy
405 Punched out after some Lex-Fu by a fence dude.
409 A pistol butt to the jaw from a rapid ex-girlfriend.
410 Passes out from the "fear".
416 Pistol whipped out by a German loan shark.
417 Knocked out by, well, Lex. (Really)
421 Darted out by Jason.
422 Slammed against the wall by a triforce shard.
422 Knocked out by Chloe on a quest to save Clark in the Kawatchee Caves.
505 Knocked out by vampire Lana.
507 Knocked out by paranoia Clark.
509 Shot by carjackers into a coma.
510 Knocked out by Samantha.
511 Shot, passes out a few times, only once on camera.
517 Knocked out to, er, death by "Flatliners" serum.
520 Choked out by Graham
521 Needled out by Milton Fine
522 Knocked unconscious while being prepared to be the vessel for Zod.
601 Zapped out with Clark's Kryptonian sigil.
602 Gassed out by Block
605 Glass'd!
607 Arrow'd!

Jean, stop it, let me in!

Lex: Did you hear what I said? You cheated me. I had a destiny. I was supposed to die in the Crisis! With honor! That was my destiny! And you cheated me out of it! You understand what I'm saying, Kent? This wasn't supposed to happen. Not to me. I had a destiny. I was Lex Luthor.

Clark: You- You're still Lex Luthor.

Lex (standing in his office): Wow. I control my father's vast financial empire. I possess an army of superhuman freaks who are currently being brainwashed to do my bidding. The woman I, along with everyone on Earth, love is carrying my child and engaged to me. And I'm pretty sure they gave me a SuperSize fries when I ordered a large. Life is perfect.
(Suddenly, reality warps drastically.)
Lex: (looking down at his wheelchair) F***in' Superboy-Prime.

Clark: Don't worry, Lex. I'm pretty sure the writers will have forgotten you're wheelchair-bound by next week.

You just know this is because of Chuck Norris.

The moment was totally blown, when, after engaging in his customary verbal sparring match with his father, Lex delivered a particularly brutal and brilliant parting comment, then turned to wheel himself out of the room. It was at this moment that Lex caught his thumb in the spokes and shrieked like a lady.

Lex Luthor, after his ill-fated Himalayan mission to take down Ultimate Hulk.

"Khaaaaaann!!! Khaaaaaann!!!"

Lex: Gosh. If only I had the technology to create cybernetic body parts to replace my beloved legs. If only...

Cyborg (rolling eyes): Yep. Bummer, dude. Well, gotta run. (Flexes his arms and legs, making noises like hydraulic lifts, then he turns and runs through a wall.)

Lex: Black Adam! Shazam! Captain Marvel!
Lana: What are you doing?
Lex: I thought it might be contagious.

Lex: Kneel before Zod!

(Clark gets down on one knee, coming eye to eye with Lex.)

Lex: ... Lay down before Zod!

Lex Luthor. The most dangerous torso in the universe.

Consistent with the naming conventions of his other vehicles, the vanity plate on the back of his wheelchair read "Lex 1/2".

Super Kal
"You'll pay for this, Captain Planet!!"

"I had sex with Lana.....and my legs fell off!"

Clark: Lex, what happened to your legs?!

Lex: Let me put it this way....don't ever, EVER try to milk a wheelchair.

Clark: You've got no legs left!
Lex: Yes I have!
Clark: Look you idiot!
Lex:... It's just a flesh wound!

He'll fart Clark's legs off!

Clark: "Oh my goodness, Lex! Who did this to you?!"

Lex: "It was a bunch of Super-powered freaks! They broke into my plant and blew the entire place up without even checking to see if I was out yet! But I'll make them pay, Clark. I'll make them all pay!"

Clark: *sweating profusely* "Yeah.....I have to.....go... paint the... hay bales....BYE!"

super surfer
The awful carnage caused by the misuse of anti-higg, anti-particle, boson, anti-muon devices.

Go go Gadget BUSIEK FIVE! *WHAP!*

Wild Bill
Lex has had it up to HERE with that insufferably misanthropic Dr. House.

Shea! Right! Then House grew him legs back.

Rosenbaum: Damn that Welling and his thumbtacks! Anyway... I'm ready to do another take now guys, I just....

*Mike looks down, realizing his hands are stuck to the wheels*

Rosenbaum: Super-glue? WELLLLLLIIIIIIIINNGGGGGGG!!!!!!!

A stupid crazy old man pretending to be Neal Bailey. "WRONG!"


Lex: How bout we go see a movie?

Lana: Sure, Ive been dying to see 'Happy Feet'.


Lana: Okay, so were not seeing 'Happy feet'. What about 'Stomp The Yard'?

Lex: What the hell is your problem?!

Suntanned Superman
Boy Scout, Aquaman, Impulse, Cyborg, and Green Arrow? What do they call you? Wheels?

Lex: Shut your face!

Lucky he didnt name his company LegsCorp.

Lex: You underestimated me Clark! You hear me?! Your father informed me that if I cut off my legs, I will have the power of Zod!

Jor-El: *Chortle*

Hey Dad!!! Can we get some Meatloaf!

I would do anything for love. But I won't do that.

You, Prop Wench!. Bring me my Stunt Legs!

Lex: Nobody gets away with calling me Legs Luthor.

I'm half the man I used to be

Neal: (grabs the guitar from Wayne and points to the sign). NO TEMPLE!

Lex: The Jumping Shark? Aye, he's real. Took a leap without lookin' back in ought-seven, when I proposed to a girl named Lana. And out of the waters he rose, teeth like jagged bayonets and eyes as black and lifeless as Season Four. Took both my legs in one hateful bite, then back to the deep he went, quick as he came. Is the Jumping Shark real? Aye, my friend, he's real enough, alright. He's real enough...

Fairwell and adeiu to you fair Chinese-Asian women...fairwell and ado to you ladies of Netrogena!

Lex: Mind over muscle Super....Hey, Hey, Hey! What the hell just happened to my legs
Clark: You were saying...Mind over muscle?
Lex: Ok point taken

I'm too sexy for my legs.

super surfer
So now we're milking wheelchairs instead of tractors, is that it?

Wheelchairs are not tractors...they're...they're a SERIES OF TUBES.

Lex: Call me wheels again and i will END you!

He might have had to cut off his legs to do it, but by God, Lex got us over 300 captions!

On a more serious note (so please do not interpret this as a sick joke), I miss Christopher Reeve and hope he may rest in peace. How I would have loved to see more of Dr. Swann, possibly the only guest star on Smallville other than Perry that one time that I actually liked and that helped move the plot along!

On a serious, non-funny moment, I agree. And I'm proud of you guys for not hitting up that line of humor. It impressed me quite a bit, and proved those who might call this image offensive wrong. Good job.

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