Caption Contest

September 1, 2005: Caption Contest

Caption Competition

Lex: Oh NO!
Clark: What happened!?
Lex: Julian!! He went into the floor! I must go get him!
Clark: oh god... not again

Second place ties:

Lex: "We must have the precious, yes...the evil Clark wants to keep her from us, but we know Lana loveses us the most, yes...she will be ours."

Mike: You know, Lex is just a stepping stone. Before I am done with my career I will play all comicbook characters. I've already been the Flash, and now I am going to be Spider-Man!

Lex: Do you know what happened to the last man who hit me, Clark?
Clark: No, I don't. What happened?
Lex: I gave him a job in corporate accounts. Actually, Fred is one of our top men - he was responsible for over $100 million in deals last fiscal year. I'm thinking of promoting him.
(awkward pause)

Lex: Well played, Elijah. But purple's my color as much as it is yours. Now, let's see why they call you Mister Glass, shall we?

Lionel: (masssaging his knuckles) And that's for wearing a burgundy shirt! Honestly, son, how do you expect people to take you seriously wearing that color?
Lex: It's maroon, you idiot! I thought you were just faking that blindness!

So did Neal just post this picture because he had a bunch of comments all ready for it?

Nope. I just enjoy the caption contest, and contributing. I pick what I think will spur the most captions...and if it works with me, I feel better about it. And this week, it worked. A ton of folks, above the usual summer lull.

Micheal Rosenbaum during one of his legendary farts.
A week later, he gets sued for getting crap juice on The WB's $680 slacks.

This one skirted the line of "family friendly", but man, he said crap juice. There's gotta be some reward for something that funny. I now have a new phrase to use around the house. I stub my toe, "Ah, crap juiice!" Try it.

Clark - Lex, what happened?! Are you okay? Did you miss a blood treatment??
Lex: Blood Treatment?!?!?! What do you take this show for? You think we have Emmy-Award winning continuity?? The writers dropped that after Episode 1 last season!
Clark: *blink*
Lex: NO! NOW, I have a condition that causes me to walk on all fours! I've actually had it since birth, and I will be mysteriously upright by next week. Get with the Program!!

Poor Lex, put under the spell from a krypto-freak, was forced to do the Hokey Pokey non-stop for a week before someone finally discovered him.

Lex: Shake your fist all you want, you green-haired freak. You won't get another chance to use it.
Neal: Oh, yeah? Bring it on, Rosen-bich! I'll unleash the power of flung-pu on your freaky white can!

Flattery gets you everywhere!

Lex: No man hits me and lives to tell about it. Not you. Not my father. Not my mother. Not even me.
Clark:...You hit yourself?
Lex:...Shut up.

Lex: You'll pay for moving the caption contest, Bailey. You will pay.

This works especially well considering I moved the caption contest again. Mwu ha ha ha! Your move, Luthor.

The Old Bum
They're going to have sex in season five!? There will be a reckoning... a crisis...

Very easily a tie for first place, and only not up there as a tie because putting sex in big letters on the front page, even in context, would be trouble.

After being attacked by Neal Bailey, Lex realized that he shouldn't have jumped up and down on Oprah's couch expressing his true feelings for Lana Lang.

This is what I have to say about Oprah. That is all.

Lex : I love... carpet. [pause] I love... desk.
Clark : Lex, are you just looking at things in the office and saying that you love them?
Lex: I love floor.
Clark: Do you really love the floor, or are you just saying it because you saw it?
Lex: I love floor! I love floor.

I love Steve Carell and anything Daily Show related.

Lex: "You may have superpowers Clark, but I doubt even you can survive my martial art attack - Urinating dog!"

You just made me release crap juice with that one.

Jonathan Kent (GIVES A DDT TO LEX) : "Leeexx, I am not telling you again. DRIVE SLOWER!!!

Lex: Okay, okay...Bo!

Michael J. Fox (kicks Lex in the balls) : "What's up Michael, are you a .....CHICKEN?
M. Rosembaum: NOBODY.......CALLS ME..........A CHI...(SMACKED by M J Fox)...aaahhhhhhhhh (Lex screaming in pain like Michael Jackson).

That's just awesome. But I don't know why. Maybe it's because I got told I look a lot like Michael J. Fox growing up.

Tom: Michael did you fart??
Michael: No, I sharted?
Tom: What's a shart?
Michael: I farted and [censored] my pants! HA, got ya there! Didn't you see "There's something about Mary"?
Tom: "It's "Along came Polly" you nincompoop. Now I hit you. SMACK!!!

More to add to your general lexicon: Sharting crap juice. Although how we got there from Michael Rosenbaum kneeling is...well, why question?

"oh no hes doing his superman thing again"

Michael: Hit me all you want for it, Al, I still think making Clark have sex with Lana is a bad idea!
Al: Oh, shut it, Mike! I wrote Lethal Weapon 4 - you hear me? I know what I'm doing!

After hearing that the teaser tag line for Smallville Season 5 was "Great Sex. Bad Lex." An unhinged Lex attempts to "go ostrich" and bury his head in the ground for the duration of the season. It is only at the last second, far too late to stop his momentum, that Lex realizes that marble is much harder than sand, thus adding to his own personal K.O. count.

Lex (to servants): Lex Luthor has dropped a contact lense! And when Lex Luthor loses a contact lense, people die! (Servants drop to the floor and begin searching frantically.)

Lex: Clark! Help me find Julian!
Clark: LexJulian is dead.
Lex: My cocker spaniel is dead?!
Clark: Cocker spaniel? You named your dog after your dead brother? That's kind of weird.
Lex: Hey, you wanted to name your dog after your home planet, which exploded, killing your parents and your entire race. I don't think I'd throw stones, if I were you.

Rosenbaum (talking like Otis): Nope. No ratings down here either, Mr. Gough.
Gough: Keep looking, nitwit!

(Reeling from the ratings plunge from Season Four, the WB attempts to do some damage control. One measure taken is a deal with the Superman Homepage. In exchange for the minimalization of Smallville bashing in the caption contest, each regular captioner will be allowed to deliver one swift kick to the posterior of someone involved in the making of the show.)

Neal Bailey: You brought us Rosenbaum?! He's one of your assets, you goon! We want the head of the WB or the deal's off.

WB Rep: That's impossible. He's in Paris right now, handpicking lingerie for Lana's "consumation scene".

Neal (turns and quietly confers with some captioners, then turns back): Alright. We'll take Millar and Gough instead. But now it's two kicks.

And a tractor milking scene in the finale.

Lex: I get knocked down! But I get up again! No, you're never going to keep me down!
Clark: Oh yeah, tub thumper? *KRAK!*
Lex: I'm down, I'm down already! Yeesh! Now help me find something to hold my skull together until the ambulance arrives.

While I was in downtown Metropolis, and I saw these kids, see. And they were playing this kinda music - WRAP music I think they called it - and one kid was on the ground like this doing some kinda twirling thing . . . let me see if I can do it - - - -

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