Caption Contest

July 15, 2007: Caption Contest

Caption Competition

Lionel: You know what they say about a man who needs to constantly wave a gun around, son.

Lex: You know what they say about insulting a man who constantly waves a gun around, dad.

Lionel: Touche.

And the runner-ups:

neal bailey
Who's the red K scientist private dick who's the sex machine with all the chicks?


Right on.

Wild Bill
The Red Ranger hits a bizarre turning point in this wisely never-before-seen episode.

I've seen the ep. You don't wanna know.

In order to stop Bizarro and clear himself from Lana's "murder", Lex must travel into the far reaches of the Old Spice Red Zone.

Yeah, I went there.

And going there earns you the rancid yogurt filled sweat sock of doom! (whaps you with it)

Come with me if you want to live...only for me to kill you later.

Jonathan Kent: He said he wanted to do chores while he stayed here. I figured he could fix the radiator.

Martha: You sure that was wise?

Jonathan: It'll be fine.

*Door opens with Lex holding a gun-haped part, steam and fire blazing behind him*

Lex; This... should not have been removed...

Hello. My name is Lex Luthor. You have done absolutely nothing to me or my family. You probably have no idea who I am and I have no idea who you are.

Prepare to die.

Rosenbaum tires of "stunt casting"

Rosenbaum: "Yes hello are you Mr Cain, Mr Dean CAIN??"


"Nobody steals my thunder in MY final season....."

Silly man. Don't you know Dean is Superman?

Tom Welling: He is, is he? (takes the gun, shoots Dean) No one upstages ME!


Lex Luthor waits patiently in the wings, gun drawn, until intermission. Then, as the entire company of Andrew Lloyd Webber's Cats prances and struts towards the curtain, he opens fire.

Shoot them again for not having a plot.

I shot the sheriff, but I did not shoot the deputy. I did shoot the mail man, the gardner, the cook, the maid, my old college roommate, Sporty Spice, several tin cans, a squirrel, my foot, a movie, the moon, a theater clerk, the smiley face in Wal-Mart's adds...

Lana: OK, OK, I get it...

AlMiles: "...and then Lex enters the room only to realize too late he's walked into Lana's cherry-scented, mind-controlling farts..."

Baum: "Um, just a suggestion. Do you think we could load the gun with live amo? I have a feeling I'll need it."

By the time Lex Luthor caught on that Dr. Finnius Phibes' Amazin' Revitalizin' Re-Hairifyin' Constitutional Chamber was a sham and came out of said chamber still bald and guns blazing, Dr. Phibes had already packed up his snake oil wagon and was rolling on down the road to the next town, Lex's two dollars in his coat pocket.

Of course, Lex's henchmen caught up with him in three minutes and shot him dead. Because they had a car. This isn't the 1800's, for chrissakes.

Lex: "Hello? Is someone there?"

*Startlingly, a black man wearing a big red sash over his chest jumps out*

Spokesperson: "Boo, unexpected room of evil!" *Thrusts out a brown bottle* "Hooray, Beer!"

Lex (firing uncontrollably): "@$%$!"

Now, THIS was funny. Off-kilter, but I got the reference and it made me giggle.

Lex: "Hmm... If that fat guy moves just slightly to the left, I can make my move..."

*A gunshot rings out from the rooftops*

Lex: "Dang it! I was supposed to cap the Cap'! Well, dang..." *Looks down at his death list five* "Well, I guess there's always Kennedy..."

*Rushes off hopefully*

Oh, you did NOT just make fun of Captain America. (takes the rancid sock and whaps you with it) BAD! BAD CAPTIONER! SHAME ON YOU!

In the seventh season, Clark once again switches brains with a villain, this time Lex Luthor. In attempting to blend into LuthorCorp meetings, the following took place...

Clark-in-Lex: My fellow bad-guys. I, Lex Luthor -your leader- will speak now about...My, Lex Luthor's, plan. My...villanous, villanous plan. Question the plan at your peril!, any questions?

He was shot five seconds later. Dumb-ss...

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