August 1, 2021

Caption Contest

March 15, 2006: Caption Contest

Caption Competition

Winners:
Spoon AZ
J for John-detta

sneakymonkey
(Bullet strikes Jonathan in the chest.)
Jonathan: Bullets! My only weakness! How did they know?
(Slumps over.)

And the runner-ups:

Terminal
Agent: The Senator is in trouble, strike a pose!

CinemaGuy1
"Pull!"

Jor-ElKal-El
We want better writers or the man gets it!

Shalamarke
Man in back: Supplies!!

Best...reference...ever.

hdansjr
Thats the last time Jonathan Kent goes to a P.Diddy after-party!

Vote or die, South Park style, @%$%#!

mnostl32
STOP, Hammer Time.

AndrewS
(Topeka AP) - A plot to assassinate the originial Dukes of Hazzard cast was foiled today during a fan convention. Security personnel rushed to protect the stars as the would-be assassin, later identified as horrible actor Sean William Scott, was apprehended. His alledged accomplises, Johnathan Knoxville and William Nelson, remain at large.

GinaRenee
Guard: "We are here to protect you from all possible dangers, sir!"
Jonathan: "From shaven-headed pathetically obsessed Lex Luthor groupies?"
Guard: "Piece of cake, sir!"
Jonathan: "From my idiot son and his sidekick, the disembodied alien voice from the North Pole?"
Guard: ". . . What?"
Jonathan: "Rats."

Gislef
Desperate Democrats try to keep Feingold from bringing his censure motion up for a vote.

Now that is almost political, right there. Definitely political. But then, it's unbiassed, because technically, the shooter could be crazy old man Feingold. And anyway, how many of you even know who he is?

Gislef
When a Cartoon Network executive announced they were preempting JLU yet again on 3/18/06 for a Bobo episode (hey, check their own website), extra security was needed to protect him.

Grodd's behind it. Ticked that Luthor took his place.

Gislef
And the man at the back said everyone attack and it turned into a ballroom blitz!

Ballroom blitz? (Chicka chicka chicka chicka chicka chicka)

Gislef
Who knew a first-term state senator needed so much security?

Gislef
Tom Wopat, frustrated at how his post-Dukes career turned out compared to Schneider's, tries to get sweet sweet revenge.

He DID just get picked up for DUI.

Gislef
Who is the man that would risk his neck for his brother man? Portly middle aged white security guard #1, that's who!

Shut yo mouth!

BostonCape
Johnathan: Christopher Walken? WHERE!?!?

I predict...in the future...you will be....a runner up....and spill....some coffee...on yourself....won't be too hot....but it'll still suck.

Richard Potts II
Ah guys, I just dropped my pencil, it's ok really........this is what I get for endorsing the NRA.

Lana's comin' right for us!

Chefsim
One bodyguard is pointing his gun right at Neals head. He knows where the true menace lies.

You're thinking Lana's run for the most popularist popular popular girl at the high school, even after she graduated. I got horsewhipped for trying to break that one up with anti-revlon rays. And I would have gotten away with it too, if it hadn't been for that stinking Accuview lens falling out!

directing_dude
Jonathon Kent: Cover me guys, I need a dump!

Nick-El
Jonathan:What are you doing back there?
Man:Sorry...thought you were a tractor...

sneakymonkey
Some had mistakenly thought it overkill that he would hire his own security team, but Schneider had learned long ago how crazy Comic Cons can get. Unfortunately, Burt Ward was killed in the ensuing riot.

neal bailey
Schneider's Angels

hikers1116
Clark: Hello Angels
Jonathan: Huh!
Muscle: Hello Charlie...sorry we mean Clark....smiley

hikers1116
just realiazed Neil's first entry made the above reference. smiley and I though I had a shot this week...guess not. D%mn you Neil Bailey

I agree. D%$n you Neil Bailey! People always mistake me for him.

hikers1116
Asian guy: Senator someone coming are you done yet?
JK: I knew I shouldn't have eaten Mexican, my @$$ can't take much more.....(farrrrt...squish..flop)
Bold Guy: Oh my god that smells fowl
Front guy: you keep walking buddy
Right: Nothing to see keep moving....
JK: He's coming... there he comeeeees
Mr Hanky: Hidey Ho...I am Mr Hanky the christmas poo....
put me in your mouth and try to say.....smiley

hikers1116
come on neal that has to be in the top 3

GinaRenee
Uh, no, I think that needs to be deleted! Yick! smiley

My commentary? The above is not necessarily a winner, but it does give me an opportunity to commentate on what's "vulgar" and what's not. To clarify, if you will. In the above, there are no curses. No references to adult topics. Just poo. Poo, and poo on poo. I can't explain why, but that's not considered as vulgar as a word. I guess what I'm saying is that the above straddles the line. People ask me what family friendly is, I say be smart and just go with your gut. If there's anyone with the least amount of discretion, it's probably me, that's why I trust Steve to make the final call. Now, back to the funny.

sneakymonkey
It would not be discovered until much later that Luthorcorp was the parent company of a little capitalist venture known as Manchurian Global.

D*%n you, Frank Sinatra!

sneakymonkey
Secret Service Man: Where's the shooter?

Jonathan (spots a bald figure in the rafters): It's Lex! And he's a chick!

Lightoffon
Jonathan: My life just flashed before my eyes. I've had a lot of trucks...

sneakymonkey
Looking to find a hobby away from the farm, Jonathan starts a 50's style doo wop group called Jon Boy and The I'll Blow Your (Bleep)ing Head Offs.

GinaRenee
Just prior to this, Neal Bailey stood up in the balcony and shouted, "You milked the tractor! Now you pay with your life!"

SIC SMALLVILLE SEMPER LANA TYRANNIS!

sneakymonkey
Jonathan: Whoa, that was close! That crazy girl nearly ended me. Wait---urk! HavingÖheart attackÖafter all the dangerous situations Iíve been through in five seasonsÖIím finally done inÖby aÖfairy princess?! Dammit. (Falls over and dies.)

Cosmic Scales: Face it, Lana, youíre amazing!

Trolloc
Jonathan Kent: Why are they trying to shoot me?
Guard: Sir, you quoted Neil Baily.
Jonathan Kent: Is his writing that bad?

ZOMG! Almost as bad as the guy who poked fun at him without checking his name's spelling!

sneakymonkey
Secret Service Agent: Do you see? Do you see the danger that can arise at any moment? So now donít you think we should be able to tap your phone lines?

Jonathan: WellÖno.

(Al Gough stands off set watching , drinking a b*st*rd-chino with non-dairy creamer. An assistant arrives with an active cell phone in her hand.)

Al Gough: This is Gough, go. Hello? Pepsico didnít like the phone tap thing? Well, it was all Schneiderís idea anyways. Alright. I know what to do. (Disconnects, then hits a number on speed dial). Yeah hello? Itís Papa Bear. The time has come. Execute order sixty-six.

Do not hesitate. Show no mercy. Yee haw.

sneakymonkey
Secret Service Agent: I have to admit, sir, I thought I was cut out for this job, but Iím scared. Iím scared of dying.

Jonathan Kent: All of us die, son, but how many of us will get to say weíve truly lived?

Secret Service Agent: Mr. Kent, youíre absolutely right! (Jumps in front of bullet heading for Jonathan.)

Jonathan: Sucker.

Gislef
Tired of the constant misspelling of his name, Jonathan Kent ordered his security guards to fire on every person who spelled his first name Johnathan, Jonathon, Jonothon, or Jonothan.

Neil agrees.

jakor009
Johnathan Kent was supposed to win the election, and help Clark don the coustume, and at the same time avoid many assastionation attemps.

But then Superboy Prime Punched the time stream.


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