Caption Contest

November 17, 2005: Caption Contest

Caption Competition



And the runner-ups:

Clark (looking out the window of Lex's study): Lex, it's been raining for 45 minutes now! You've got to stop this madness!
Lex: Clark, I'm not making it rain. Precipitation is a natural phenomenon. You see, when water evaporates---
Clark: More lies! Look, Lex, I know we haven't been on the best of terms lately, but I need your help. I need you to pay off my mom's parking tickets. Or have you forgotten that's what friends do for each other?!
Lex: (Sigh.) Here's a blank check...

Clark (catching his own reflection, has an epiphany): Good God! I wear the same outfit more than Charlie Brown!

Clark: Woah, almost turned emo. I need to stop looking out depressing windows.

How could this happen to me?

Tom: So now Mirror Master's a meteor freak? What are you going to tell me next, that Wonder Woman's just a roided up Euro who's delusional?!

*Al looks to Miles*

Miles: Well, we were going to tell you sooner...

Clark: Gasp! Is that a Subway free sandwhich stamp on the ground. NO!!!! I better go find someone grab them by the neck while I push them against the wall.

And another DCU character comes to Smallville---Weather Wizard! Only after he's run through the Smallville Continuity Transmogrification Wringer, he's a Smallville meteor freak weatherman who controls the weather to match his forecasts in order to boost his ratings. (Sound dumb? Just following their formula)

Clark: Oh no!
These windows are streaked with Kryponite Rain mildew, It must have rained here during the meteor storm. Whew, good thing kryptonite only hurts me in the comics. *super speeds away*

The Old Bum
DC might have gone a little too far when WB windex commercials became Infinite Crisis tie-ins.

Featuring the mildew Shadowpact and Detective Chimp, who in Smallville is really just a Jor-El construct human who goes by the NAME of chimp, for trademark reasons.

The Old Bum
Clark stares down at the zombie coming out of the mud:
"You've stolen my girlfriend! My spot on the football team! My dumb-but-two-faced-jock personality! For this you must die!"
Clark: "Oh no... it's... it's... Whitney Fordman!"

It's like a hole in the heart of the whole town.

Lois: clark what are you looking at?
Clark: ...Neil Bailey and lana lang....and they are
lois and clark: .....Milking A Tractor!!!!



Points more from reference rather than the funny. But in is in.

Red Hobbes
"They're DOGS!! And they're playing... POKER!!!?"

Six O'clock news anchorwoman: This photo was taken moments before actor Tom Welling ignored the "Do Not Lean on Glass" warning sign and plummeted two stories only to be rescued by a vampire - witch - sorority girl yelling something about SECRETS AND LIES!!!!

In case of Brandon Routh Injury/Death, break glass.

Clark: "No, Al, Miles, don't do it...don't do it, the pun's too bad...darn it, they can't hear me, come on! AL! MILES!"
Al: "So, Lexmas then?"
Miles: "Yeah, I like it."

After Tom broke the fifth window, the producers realized that maybe he just didn't see it there, so they replaced it with a dirtier one. Unfortunately, he didn't understand the concept of glass, so quickly found himself trapped. It took three men with tranqulizer guns to bring him down.

Clark, upon seeing the hundreds of Scientologists gathered outside who believe he is the reincarnation of L. Ron Hubbard, rushes up to his closet to get out his BB gun for target practice - only to find Tom Cruise already barricaded in there.

R Kelly is gonna shoot somebody.

Clark stares silently out into the rain, grimly weighing the consequences of the decision he must make. Whether he should trust his new Kryptonian "ally", and do as Fine suggests, destroying the Fortress of Solitude and perhaps losing the only true connection to his past and the answers he is seeking, or do nothing and let his mother die. Is the professor being honest, and this truly is the only solution, or is there possibly a way he can save both his mother and the fortress?

In stark contrast to Clark's solemn contemplation, several miles away at a secret Luthorcorp lab, Professor Milton Fine sings and dances in front of his spaceship...
Fine: He's a Brainiac, Brainiac on the floor! And he's plotting world destruction like he never has before. Wheeee! Jazz tentacles!!!

No wonder he's had 13 iterations.

Clark: Lana, you're amazing.

last man of krypton
Clark: I've given them a gift they've thrown away. I sacrificed everything from them. I throw my fists for what seems like hours. My knuckles almost split. My fingers are almost crushed. But I will never give up. Now this... Looks like a job for Superman!

Gough: Cut! Tom, didn't you get the revised script? Millar and I felt it actually sounded like something that would be in the comics so we changed it. Now it's, "Rose Kryptonite! My one weakness!"

Tom: Are you sure? Because the fans might've actually appreciated the direction we were going.

Gough: You talking back to me? One more outburst like that and I'll bring back the guy who played Pete to take your place.

Tom: But Superman's not black...

Gough: My fingers are reaching towards the phone Tom...

Clark: Rose Kryptonite! My one weakness!

Gough: Cut! Perfect!

cornelius III
Clark: Oh no, Neal Baileys come to shutdown Smallville!!

Neal: It must end Clark, Lana is driving me crazy

I like this one less for the actual concept, more for the spelling error. Because of the missing apostrophe, I can just see an army of mes coming to shutdown Smallville. An evil clone army of Neal Baileys. The world's supply of paper would immediately drop, and costs would rise.

Jonathan: What is it, Clark?
Clark (looking uneasy): It's... it's a little ginger kid...

Very nice.

Clark: "Oh no! Neal's about to kill Lana and I'm powerless! Only one way to stop him..."

*Clark clears his throat*

"I'm a hooooonky-tonk Superman,
Ready or not, I'm back agaaain,
Dancing on the tables
And swingin' from the chandelierrrs..."


You mother knits socks to seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelllllllll!

*singing* See me, feel me. Touch me, heal me...

On a very special Smallville, Clark is stricken deaf dumb and blind. He takes to playing pinball until he's really Plastic Man, the reforming arsonist.


Clark watches in shock as his father passes up free tickets to "Movin' Out."

Tom: Neal is writing another bad review for Smallville! I'm going to angst the heck out of that dude!

I'll be waiting. With beef mittens.

Clark: I have come here to chew bubblegum and touch glass. And I'm all out of bubblegum.

Clark finds himself paralyzed as he glanced through a passing window only to find a bare-cheeked-Bailey reaching for the soap...

[Interject any character there instead of "Bailey" - it was just the first to come to mind... but Lana could work, though not realistically... Lionel could work because we have nearly seen this before... CyberV would be funny to me because I think AT doesn't take much to my brand of humor and I'm slightly annoyed by it... Jensen Ackles could be funny but he's off doing other things now... Chewbacca would be hilarious and now I'm sorry I didn't think of it until now...]

Oh, I see! Backing out of the joke, eh! Didn't count on me enjoying self-deprecation, did you?

Makeshift Python

Announcer: If you're just joining useither pick up on what's happening as we continue, or start tuning in earlier, you lazy (censored)s!


Clark: Chloe fancies ME?

Just put your hand on the glass, and pick up the phone!

Oh Billy!!!!!

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