Caption Contest

April 29, 2006: Caption Contest

Caption Competition

Okay, okay, so this one took, what, three weeks? I got a book deal, I wrote the Smallville finale, and the Superman Returns trailer hit. But enough excuses. Back to your normal caption more delays, and my apologies!

last man of krypton
Jonathan: [runs in with stake and hammer] Quick! We have to kill Lana!
Clark: How can you be sure she's possessed by a witch?
Jonathan: Possessed by a witch?

And the runner-ups:

OK, so lots of makeup means Lana's a witch, and no makeup means she's a junkie. Good to know...

Yes, you guessed it, In the supernatural realm they have perms.

Hoo-ray I get to do the repetitive, yet never really funny lick joke:

afriend: *pause.....lick*

Pause...ban! Is it funny now? HUH? HUUUUH? I keed. You're not banned. But you're not funny, either! Grumble...grumble...

Lana: Even when I'm out being evil, I'm always sure to wear acuvue and L'Oreal. Because I'm worth it.

Red Hobbes
"Okay Kirsten... and action!"
"Uhm... what's my motivation?"
"You're an evil witch."
"No... really, what's my motivation?"

I'd Hit It!

We here at the Superman Homepage do not condone violence against...OH!

last man of krypton
A scene from the Smallville Season 4 episode "Spell". Also known to fans as the moment when the show went down the toilet.

Less for the funny, more for the simple truth of it.

last man of krypton
Clark: Lana, you're a witch? What happened?

Lana: Wow, a tombstone of Isabelle Thereoux...

Isobelle, in a fury, intones an ancient curse at Clark, speaking in perfect Latin: "Klaatu niktu hakuna matata! Areola sifidius!" Then Clark get's smacked by a purple fireball or something...

And that's JUST how the pitch went in the writing room.

Lana: Neal, I know what you've been saying about me.
Neal: I'M MELTING!!!

Only because her tongue is so noxiously tainted with Neutrogena chemicals...

Lana was possed by an evil witch, dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb. (sing it)

Someone questioned their stupid scripting... (Smart smart smart smart smart!)

I see dead plots!

Sorry Lex, I think I just did a bit of sick in my mouth.

Lana: The caption contest is a week late! And it's all your fault, Clark!

The first time I condone Lana giving someone else the blame.

Lana: I feel like a thousand secrets and lies have been lifted from my shoulders!
Clark: Good. Then they've got room to hold this tractor.


After five seasons of messing with Clark's head, and now responsible for Lex's turning to the dark side and Jonathan's death...

Brainiac and Zod (bowing down): We're not worthy! We're not worthy!

True dat.

Lana: So Neal, I hear you signed a book deal. Impressive.(Clears throat.) So...Chloe's pulling an all nighter at the Planet...

Neal: Sorry, I can't.

Lana: Do you have to put up tarps?

Neal: No. I just hate your guts.

The SAD thing, and the reason that I'm laughing my butt off right now (though I can't make it a winner for this reason, alas) is because tonight, as I am working on my roof to support my writing habit, I had to nail four tarps to my roof. Oh, sweet Beezus, that's funny. That., and yeah, I hate her guts.

Lana Lang's senior yearbook photo, Class of 2005.
Senior Quote: Who the hell do you think you are?

And Isobelle uses her evil magic to turn an unsupervised teen get-together into a wild party with drinking and sex. Wow. Is there no limit to her terrible and awe-inspiring power?!

Clark: Oh, no.... Lana's been possesed by the evil.....PUSSYCAT DOLLS!!!

Lana: Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?

Clark: You are my girlfriend.

Lana: Oh. Ok, well, it's over. I'm going out with Lex. Now, "Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?"

Clark: Yes.

Lana: Mwaahhahahaha

Lana: It's called Goth, Clark. And don't call me Lana - my new name is Ravencrow Neversmiles.

How could this happen to me? I've made my mistakes. Nowhere to run. The night goes on...

The Old Bum
Superboy Prime: You keep this the hell out of your petri dish, got it?

When teens get possessed they become--Beatniks!!!

Both Neal and Lana are crazy. But neals crazier because he keeps posting pictures of Lana knowing its against the rules to post vulgar comments.

I deserve that one.

you d@#n tractor. tractor tractor tractor!!!! TRACTORING TRACTORED, SUCK MY TRACTOR! YOU TRACTORING TRACTOR!

I'm not sure what it means. But it's funny.

Lex Luth-OR
Lana: "KLAATU VERATA ... ... nikto? neck-tie?
** clears throat **
KLAATU VERATA NIkguhhuhuhuhuhhuh

There I said it... its done now."

She grabs the necronomicon, and runs.

Spoon AZ
Thoreaux away photo for this week's contest.

(Neal Bailey writes a script where he puts his "Superman Homepage Caption Contest" into an episode, but must find some way to explain it in order to appease Al Gough and Miles Millar. Here is part of that script.):

Neal Bailey: I think I'm going to create a caption contest about you and your friends Clark. Then I'll have people who are fans of yours comment, and post the funniest comment. As an honor to you, since you like Lana so much, I'll post a picture of her first.
Clark: Neal, are you feeling okay?
Neal Bailey: Yeah. Why?
Clark: YOU hate Lana.
Neal Bailey: What's your point?
Clark: You're not acting like yourself.

(Al and Miles cheer out loud, as they have seen their formula come to fruition).

(Meanwhile, back in reality, Neal squashes ARM with his fist while impersonating General Zod, and Steve just groans at ARM's stupidity).

Great Zod impressions by the way Neal

Thankee. :)

Kristin Kreuk tries to sway Neal's next review... and then when that doesn't work, she calls in Annette.

Watch out everyone! Lana's gone EMO!

Unsung Heroes of Smallville 23

We've all seen Clark act valiantly countless times. Jonathan, Martha, Chloe. Even Lois has proven her mettle time and time again. But who remembers those brilliant, desperate last acts of brave souls who, though they may try and fail, rage against the dying of the light, only to slip through the cracks of history?

I submit for your consideration: Clompy. A dark brown four year old quarterhorse, he trampled the living $#!% out of Lana in mid-season three. And though Lana recovered, who didn't applaud when the long overdue hoof of justice fell? So when you see Lana trample the heart of our favorite superhero, remember old Clompy trampling Lana. He did it for Clark. He did it for Smallville. He did it for us. I salute you, Clompy, you magnificent b@stard! To Clompy!

Mr. Ed-who-tromped-on-Lana-Horrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrse! (Real Men of Genius)

I got chills..... they're multiplying.

Lana: "Do you believe you are my match?"
Clark: "No."
Lana: "Are you aware I kill at will?"
Clark: "Yes."
Lana: "Is it your wish to die?"
Clark: "No."
Lana: "Then you must be stupid."

Lana would be the one to lose an eye.

super surfer
Lana has garnered more comments in one week than Bizarro did in two. This proves that good looks always win out over brains.

Or that Lana wins the villain-off.

super surfer
Al Gough: I see amazing people.

What are we like ten days late for the new contest?! I should be mad, but at least I know that, unlike on Smallville, there's some place where Lana takes a back seat to Superman. Thanks, Superman Homepage!

It was to make Lana die of starvation...that and the above. ;)

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