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Justice League: Gods and Monsters [Blu-ray]
In an alternative history Zod is Superman's father, Batman is a vampiric Man-Bat, and Wonder Woman is the child of Ares, God of War. When these dark heroes form an alliance, the question everyone asks is will they save the world, or rule it?
Also available on DVD.
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Jonathan: I'll handle Zod, son.
Clark: But dad, you'll die!
Jonathan: No, Jor-El said I can activate the powers whenever I want.
And the runner-ups:
Pa: Just let him go Clark, who drinks tractor milk anyway.
"Quick Clark! Give me your hand!"
"Flannel-Twin powers..... ACTIVATE!"
Johnathan: No Clark, no!
Clark: I have to go dad! Heroes on NBC! I need one last chance to save my credibilty and your life!
Johnathan:...Wait, wait, wait. Let me get this straight, my LIFE?
Clark: Yeah. I read ahead in future scripts. Your worm chow. But if I go over to Heroes on NBC, I can end the show before it is too late and save you
Johnathan: But you'll be putting Kristin and Allison and Michael out of a job.
Clark: *Opens up a season five script* Hmm...says here that Lionel tries to get with Mom...
Johnathan: WHAT?!?! GO CLARK, GO! Save the cheerleader, save your credibilty!
It's funny. A Japanese dude with a samurai sword just popped into my writing room. He told me not to get my hopes up about Justice. Then he said something about another Clana, and disappeared.
Jonathan: Dude, where's my car?
Clark: Where's your car dude?
Jonathan: I sense a disturbance in the force, as if millions of souls were crying out.
Clark: That's just Tori Spelling.
Jonathan: Ready the axe.
Jonathan: Geez, is that...?
Clark: It Is!
Jonathan: A black guy!
Clark: Haven't seen one since Pete left.
Clark: Charles, NO!!!
(I had to get it in before it got too old.)
The Juggernaut NEVER gets old. That's like a free ticket to mention in this column in perpetuity, along with any YTMND made from a given week's picture that's safe for work.
Jonathan: No Clark don't
Clark: Let me go Dad, i need to teach this guy that no one out flannels the Kents
Jonathan: No, Clark, wait! It's too dangerous!
Clark: Dad, it's been too weeks. Sooner or later you're going to have to get back in the saddle and go into the barn again.
MUUU MUUU MUUU MUUU! (That's me saying Flashback humor...funny! in a Brad Pitt voice).
Johnathan: Watch out! That squirrel looks angry!
Clark: But he's just a squirrel, Dad!
Jonathan: Yeah. But he's packing a type II anti-higg, anti-particle, boson, anti-muon blaster!
Oh! And I forgot Bosons. Bosons always win.
THE AMBIGUOUSLY FARMING DUO.
Pa: "Son, don't get closer."
Clark: "What is it dad?"
Pa: "Lana just gave birth to a glowing green kryptonite baby."
Pa: "How should I know? Ask the geniuses over there."
*Pa points to Al and Miles collecting 1 dollar bills with big grins on their faces*
Al: "Ha ha ha, success."
Jonathan: Hammer time.
Clark: Dad, you got to come back with me!
Jonathan: Back where?
Clark: Back ..... to the future!
Jonathan: But I just got the truck and your mom and I were going to take it for a spin.
Clark: Bring her! It concerns her too!
Jonathan: What do you end up in a film based on a continuity based of a 20 plus year old movie in which you have been absent from earth for five years and return to discover that life on Earth has changed drastically or something?
CLark: ( Blinks) No! That turns out just fine! There's a sequel in the works. It's season six, something's got to be done about season six!
Jonathan: Do you think we'll have enough plot for that?
Clark: Plot? Where we're going we won't need plot.
TO BE CONTINUED ---->
Clark: Gee dad, that's really something.
Jonathon: Wait for it.
Clark: Gee dad, that's really something.
Clark starts experimenting with Superhero personas:
Jonathon: Look Clark, people in trouble!
Clark: This looks like a job for, The Ultimate Illegal Alien!
Jonathan: Just back away slowly, son. There's nothing you can do to help Chloe now.
Clark: But Dad, we can't just leave her here with Jimmy!
Jonathan: Dammit, Clark it's too late for her! Listen to me, that Jimmy's dangerous! His clumsy, misplaced innuendo could kill the whole scene!
Clark: Dad, he's holding up the whip cream and smirking!
Jonathan: Run, Clark, run like Hell!!!