Caption Contest

October 19, 2005: Caption Contest

Caption Competition

Winner:
KiddSketch
Otisburg? OTISBURG?!

And the runner-ups:

neal bailey
You milked the tractor. Now you pay with your life!

Aaron: Hey!

neal bailey
Lex produces gun.

Clark: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Lex: Just testing my theory that anyone I draw a gun on or do things to will forgive me instantly.

Lowers gun.

Clark: What were we talking about?

Lex: Ha!

cornelius III
If you ever milk my tractor again...

JasonSpidey
Lex: Forty-five caliber killer, and outta the filla/smooth-talkin' fully automatic weapons castilla-
Clark: I'm sorry, this is Kansas. We don't speak rap.

Quatro-quatro, baby!

JasonSpidey
Lex: "No! You WILL put Colbert back on The Daily Show, and you'll do it NOW!"

Oh, come on, man! It's like having TWO Daily Shows! Though the new anchors...meh.

KingGramJohnson
After months and months of training, Lex Luthor felt like he was ready to live out his dream to be the star of "Equilibrium 2". However, he was beat out, once again, by Christian Bale.

In an ironic twist of fate, Rosenbaum then killed Bale, leaving a note saying, "Take that Wayne. Yours, Luthor."

JasonSpidey
Lex: "Yeah, gimme a liter of cola."
cashier: "Um, I don't know what that is."
Lex: "It's French, for gimme some f%$!ing cola!!!"

JasonSpidey
Lex: "This is how I roll, bich!"

Lex is kinda generous.

JasonSpidey
Russian Roulette, Luthor Style. Lex aims, bank patrons live or die. Deliciously post-Crisis.

KingGramJohnson
Lex: I hate violance. What I do love is gore."

BAM

Tarantino. Woot.

KingGramJohnson
Lex: "WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY'RE MAKING A 'GOONIES 2' MOVIE!"

*Pulls out a gun*

Lex: "I'LL KILL THEM ALL!"

Groonies.

JasonSpidey
Lex: "This is for making Lex Luthor a Kryptonian CIA Agent, Abrams!"

Sadly, as Lex pulled the trigger, the gay Jimmy Olsen slammed into him from behind and stopped him.

Suntanned Superman
Lex: Neal, if you call me "Dr. Evil" one more time....."
Neal: "I wouldn't do that, not even for....ONE MILLION DOLLARS!"
BLAM!!
Neal: "OW! You shot me, you A-hole!"
BLAM!!

Superlycan
Lex: Lex, Lex is dead my friend. You can call me Luthor.
Takes his hat off to show his shining bald head.
Lex. And as you can see I'm alot balder.

Then starts shooting Jack Palance to death and steals Jerry Hall from Jack Napier. (Come on I had to go for the Batman bit I just had to.)

Best line in that movie:

Joker's girlfriend: You look great.

Jack Nicholson (incredulous look): I didn't ask.

Ah, narcissism!

JasonSpidey
Lex: "No, if you want to hit her with the tractor, that's fine, Clark. Be my guest."
Clark: (holding tractor over head) "No, Lex, you've wanted to do this longer. I insist."
Lex: "Tell you what. We'll both do it on three."
Lana: "Please, no!"
Lex: "One...two..." (he fires, killing her)
Clark: "Hey!"
Lex: "Sorry. I'm a Luthor. I lie."

JasonSpidey
This episode of Smallville is brought to you by the NRA. Here's President Charlton Heston, with this word.

CUT TO: Charlton Heston, rocking back and forth in a rocking chair.

Heston: I, I...we all have a right....from my cold...dead...damn dirty...apes...ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

The best one of them all is Conquest of the Planet of the Apes. That's 'cuz that's when all the apes throw off their yokes and kill all the humans...in the far-flung 90s! Cinematic mastery.

Makeshift Python
Lex: SAY "WHAT" AGAIN! I DARE YOU! I DOUBLE DARE YOU!!!

Tarantino again.

CinemaGuy1
Clark: "Lex, what are you doing?"

Lex: "It't the only way, Clark? Don't you understand? They just brought in the giant pool and he's getting on the motorcycle. We have to save ourselves!"

Shalamarke
Lex: BANG! BANG!
Caption Contest Fanboyz: NOO! It's BLAM! BLAM! duh.
Neal: Actually, it's P-KEW! P-KEW! Word of the day, kids: ON-O-MAT-O-POEIA
Fanboyz: What'd you say 'bout peein on my MA? M-Gunna hafta getcha...
Neal: P-KEW! CRACK!

Word.

Zshazlez
Lex: What are you not telling me, Clark? Was it you in the cave? Why do you keep secrets from me? OMG, I sound like a broken record, don't I? Come on buddy, I still love ya and everything is forgiven! Just like always!

Makeshift Python
Lex: Say it... SAY IT!
Lana: ...BORK BORK!
Lex: Thank you! BANG!

xXManofSteelXx
Lex in Ash voice: Shop smart ... shop S Mart.

afriend
Mike Rosenbaum: Okay! So we stop the whole "Lana's a witch and connect the three stones" junk or Miles Millar gets it!

Amen.

DRMidnite1228
At the WB Canteen...

Rosenbaum: "Hey! Hey, Verbal!"
Kevin Spacey turns towards his character's name. Rosenbaum drops him with a bullet to the head.
Rosenbaum: "Tell Kaiser Szozay I said hello."

Welling then drops his tea cup, which shatters dramatically.

Chefsim
Lex: For the last time, its Luth-OR!

cyberv
"Oh my god..."

"Not God. Lex."

cyberv
Lex: OH! I KNOW! Let's do that awesome "bullets intercept each other between us" bit from "The Shadow!"

Lana: But I don't have a gun.

Lex: Even better! (BLAM)

tedroskopp
gimmie some of your tots, I'm friggin starving!

JasonSpidey
Lex: "Now, tell us how to stop global warming before it kills us too!"
Stan Marsh: "You're not listening. I BROKE THE DAM!!!"

Awesome episode.

JasonSpidey
Michael Rosenbaum's controversial performance as Michael Stipe in R.E.M.: The Untold Story.

Part five: Gardening at Night: Nonesense, or real lyrics? Another hint, captioners...very old school REM fan here.

DrWhat
If I can get a part on the "Transformers" movie, this will turn into Megatron!

All I care about is if Spielberg is gonna include the "Dare to Be Stupid" dance montage from the original. Prime lives or dies? Irrelevant.

Chefsim
Magneto: You homo-sapians and your

BANG!

Lex: He really does talk too much

Yeah. Funny how they can never just shoot Magneto from a sniping position. I mean, the guy doesn't have super-speed. It's like Joker. Someone would just pop him.

CinemaGuy1
Lex: "Give me the money or I will blow Lana's brains out!"

Clark: "Boy, you really must be new around here."

sneakymonkey
Clark: Lex, put the gun down. I don't want to hurt you!
Lex: That's where you're wrong, sucker! I'm not Lex, I'm Tina Grier!
Clark: Oh! In that case... (rips her in half.)

sneakymonkey
Clark: I want to resolve this like civilized men. I'm not threatening you. I'm unarmed.
Lex: Good! (Quick draws and shoots Clark in the chest, knocking him to the ground. Lex grabs Lana and turns to leave.)
Clark: (Rises and puts a hand on Lex's shoulder): I am, however, wearing bullet proof skin. I am not a moron!

It's the Whedon Army! But are they an alliance...or....

sneakymonkey
Neal, please don't take points off for that reference! I prefer to remain neutral in your battle with the Whedon Army. Kind of like a nerdy Switzerland...

Actually, surprise surprise, I love the heck out of Serenity AND the show Firefly. Buffy just never appealed to me. And heck, given that I loved Astonishing X-Men too, that means I'm more pro than anti-Whedon. Now please tell that to the people who think that because I'm not huge on Buffy I should be stabbed with a fish.

SmallvilleCK
Lex: Clark season!
Clark: Lex season!
Lex: Lex season!
Clark: Clark season! FIRE!

kalel7175
Lex: The name is Luthor...Lex Luthor
Clark: Lex, your not going to be the new James Bond.
Lex: We'll see Clark. I will be in Casino Royale. I'm better looking than Daniel Craig and I hold the gun better.
ClarK:groans and rolls his eyes.

The hair on my butt looks better than Daniel Craig. Seriously, the dude from Road to Perdition?

Chefsim
Hi, I'm Neal Bailey's agent

Pfft! I wish. Might have a book deal. Lord knows publishers don't respond to quality.

Chefsim
Lex: You know, this reminds me of a chat I had with Pariah just the other day...

I swear! You see Pariah, you RUN, you don't chat it up. Oy!

cyberv
Throw in Lana, and this becomes Neal's personalized NRA stationary.

SpideySeventyFour
If anyone ever wanted to know how the author of "If You're Reading This, I'm Probably Dead" died, here's how. (A plug should at least get me honorable mention, right?).

Yes. An honorable mention. Buy it, and you might win! :)

sneakymonkey
Lex: Oh, it's you. I knew you'd be coming for me one day. Did the writers send you? So I suppose you expect me to simply jump right over you and be done with it, eh? (Pulls out pistol.) Sorry, Shark, but Lex Luthor always has a backup plan. When you see him in Hell, tell the Fonz I said hello! (BLAM!)

sneakymonkey
Caught up in the excitement of his first murder, Lex inexplicably finds himself at a loss for a good final statement before firing...
Lex (to victim): Hold on a second. Don't move a muscle. (Pulls out cell phone and hits speed dial, keeping gun trained on victim.) Hello, Lana? Hey. You're out on a date with Clark? Well, I need a favor. I promise I won't take up much of your time. Listen, I need to come up with some really cold blooded to say to someone. Well, I can't really explain the situation, I'm kind of short on time. (Stiffens gun arm and cocks back the hammer.) Well, just tell me what you're talking about to Clark right now, and I'll just tailor it to fit the situation.

GinaRenee
Follow-up to sneakymonkey's (hope you don't mind!):

Lex: Great. Thanks, Lana. (Hangs up. To victimsmiley Who the hell do you think you are??

JasonSpidey
Lex: No, Mister Scott, I think we can give it more power!

JasonSpidey
Teller: Why are you doing this, Mister Luthor?
Lex: One, it's more fun than skydiving. And two...you called me a tool.

GeorgeHouseofEl
Clark without powers- BULLETS! My Only Weakness!

sneakymonkey
Lex: Alright, hands up.
Aquaman: I wouldn't do that if I were you. I have to warn you, the very ocean is mine to command!
Lex: Well, I command the power of Smith and Wesson, so I'm not that worried. Besides, it's not like we're on a sailboat, you yutz. What can you do to me now?
(Out of nowhere, a fish hurls through the air and smacks against the side of Lex's head. Lex looks down at the fish)
Lex: You hit me with a trout?! (Gets ready to pull the trigger when another fish smacks against his head.) What the--- one more fish kamikazees me, Cousteau, and I'm giving you a blow hole in the forehead! Geez. (Touches the red mark on the side of his head.) That really stings!

Nick-El
You @#$% people start using your "spell check" options or NO MORE SUBMISSIONS!!!

Uh...you misspelled &%$).

Planet-man
Lex finally kills Clark by shooting him with a kryptonite bullet. It wasn't part of any complex scheme though, it's just easier to find kryptonite than lead in this town.

Planet-man
Lex: Hey Eckhardt, think about the future!

Chefsim
Lex gives Azzarello his 100 bullets

Chefsim
Lex: Apple Sauce, Bich!

Jef_Journey
ANYONE THAT WATCHED Smalleville--Aqua last night will get this....
A.C.: BRO just let me explain, BRO! I wasn't tying to destroy Luthercorp just to save the aquatic life BRO! So BRO, do you think I could use BRO anymore in a conversation BRO? BRO, BRO, BRO,BRO, BRO, BRO,BRO, BRO, BRO,BRO, BRO, BRO
Lex: BANG, BANG,BANG, BANG,BANG, BANG, CLICK, CLICK, CLICK,CLICK, CLICK, CLICK,CLICK, CLICK, CLICK,CLICK, CLICK, CLICK,

sneakymonkey
(Lex rings doorbell. Guy comes to the door.)
Guy: Can I help you?
Lex: Yeah, do you post under the name "Sneakymonkey" on the Superman Homepage?
Guy: Uh, yeah...
Lex: And did you call Lex Luthor, and I quote, "Clownshoes"?
Guy: Yeah. That was like six months ago.
Lex: That's all I needed to know. (Shoots Sneakymonkey. Looks over to a stunned Silent Bob.) Who's next on the list?


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