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Superman Unchained 2015 Wall Calendar
12 full-color images. Includes 4 extra planning grids for September through December of 2014, plus full pages for January through December of 2015.
Superman: Up, up and AA!
And the runner-ups:
Superman: kicking @$$ and heat-warping mirrors since 1939.
Looks like somebody needs a JL-AA meeting...
As many had predicted, Martha Kent's tryst with Lionel Luthor so soon after Jonathan Kent's death had lasting negative effects on Clark.
Judging by that face, he obviously he hasn't seen the Neal Bailey dance yet.
I can has the pointing finger dance?
Juggernaut: What the f*** is this s***? Oh, I'm trippin' off a**d...
In an uncredited cameo, that's actually Charles Bukowski behind Superman at the bar.
WIN WIN WIN WIN WIN WIN WIN.
Inevitably, nights at the bar always ended with Superman drunk dialing Batman and raving about how angry and hurt he was that Batman had all of these contingency plans to incapacitate him, before turning an about face, telling Bats "I love you, man" about twenty times before getting off the phone.
These are often followed by anonymous calls from some guy saying, "And...and...you know, if you were a chick...ah, JOSE CUERVO IS A SUPERVILLAIN! ZZZZZZRK!
The decision to move Kandor to a new bottle proved fatal for millions.
Somebody needs a Designated Flier.
You know what's really funny? I kid you not, in the novelization for Superman Returns, it's implied that Superman is still tipsy while saving that plane, and actually gets soused.
This just reminds me of how many times I've gotten wasted and beaten the crap out of myself in a junkyard.
Happens to me at least twice a week. Why my evil self wears a bra and calls herself Rebecca is beyond me.
Johnny Walker Red Label: Makes Superman an Angry Drunk
Johnny Walker Black Label: Makes Superman split into 2 Drunks
Johnny Walker Blue Label: Makes Bizarro Drunk
Johnny Walker Gold Label: Makes Superman an Over-Sensitive Drunk
Johnny Walker Green Label: Makes Superman Dead Drunk
Well, how would you feel if your high school sweetheart suddenly became your mother?
Comet The Superhorse walks in and sits down next to Superman.
Bartender: Why the long face?
Unfortunately, this was immediately followed by:
Is that drunk driving?
Superman: So I get back, and it turns out she won a Pullitzer Prize for an article that totally bashes me! And that's not the worst of it! She's raising my son with some other dude, and she hasn't told anybody the kid's mine! So, no, to answer your question. I do not have a drinking problem. I have Lois problems.
(Behind Superman, the entire JLA enters the bar.)
Wonder Woman: Kal, we need to talk.
Superman: Go away.
Green Lantern: We're giving you one last chance, Supes. Come with us.
Superman: F*** off, all of you! Lemme be!
Batman: This isn't working.
Flash: I agree. We're gonna have to beat it out of him. Bring him in.
(The League parts...revealing Chuck Norris.)
Superman: Oh, s***.
Bartender: "What'll you have?"
Superman: "What's good?"
Bartender: "Well, we have Red Bull, vodka and spam; SO-CO, lime, spam and spam; spam, kaluah, coke, spam, spam and spam; spam, spam, spam, spam...
Vikings: "Spam, spam, spam, spam, spamity, SPAM!"
Superman: "Bloody Vikings."
Bartender: Alright, you're going to pay for all the booze you drunk, and all the booze you destroyed. Ready to settle your tab? (Looks down at the tab report.) Mr. Wayne?
I love the fact that at 3 o'clock Eastern on a Monday, some of us have nothing better to do than make funny comments about a Drunk Superman picture
Pffftt! Nerd, please. I wrote a 30,000 word review of Superman Returns. THIRTY THOUSAND!
"I know what you're thinking. 'Did he flick six peanuts off that bar or only five?' Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a Kryptonian finger, the most powerful peanut-flicker in the universe, and could blow your head CLEAN off, you've got to ask yourself a question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, PUNK?"
"I'm waitin' here fer m' ole drinkin' buddy - Bail Nealey -er- Nail Bealey.... Hey, whassat punk's name again...?"
So urged to make a shameless Bukowski reference to win the whole thing.
WIN WIN WIN WIN WIN WIN WIN WIN!
I have some comments:
Superman decides to get Johnny Walker Red Label advertisement on his red cape! LOL
Superman: "Got milk?" is dead! Now, "Got drunk?" rulz! LOL
Superman: These peanuts are bad for peanut butter, let me throw them!
Superman: *Gulp* Where is the toilet? Damn! It's too dirty, even for my super ass!
I seriously don't know whether to laugh or cry.
See, this is Kurt Busiek's writing process. Sometimes he puts on the Superman costume and writes Superman: Secret Identity, other times his wife puts the costume in the laundry with the darks and we end up with a drunk guy writing about anti-Kryptonite sprays and giant mutating Kryptonite chimps.
Don't forget the New God Teen Titans!
Superman: Man, I feel so guilty. How can I ever look the citizens of Metropolis in the eye again?
Batman: What, just 'cause you had a few too many? Feh. That's nothing. (Looks around, then moves in close and whispers.) One time, I ate a bald eagle!
Superman: Wha---? How...how did it taste?
Batman: Like freedom.
Superman: Don't touch my NUTS!