April 8, 2006: Caption Contest

Caption Competition

Chloe: Just hang in there, okay? You did it, Clark. You saved the network. You saved everyone.
Clark: (whispering) I know, Chloe. Isn't it cool?
(He dies.)

And the runner-ups:

Hey, look! He actually does wear his dad's watch! And now he's wearing Chloe's too!

And Clark finally learns the limits of his own strength, when he attempts to carry the lousy writing of Season Five, and gives himself a compound hernia.

Clark: (in pain) AUGGHHH!! Chloe...why????
Chloe: This is for keeping secrets from me for so long.
Clark: But you KNOW my secret!
Chloe: Only because of a teleportation, homicidal b$%#%. YOU never told me.
Clark: OMG! You must be under the influence of something.....You're acting like LANA!!

D@mn Kryptonian kidney Stones

D@mn regular kidney stones! I've had three.

Clark: Thank goodness you arrived! I was going to kill Lex! I was totally hypnotized by Simone's jewels!

Chloe: Yeah, her pendant possessed some kind of magical powers!

Clark: Oh. Right. Her pendant...

Chloe: Clark, I am your father.
Clark (falls on ground): Noooo!

Chloe: Who's your daddy???


Clark: well its finally happened lana complained so much that she gave me a kryptonian embolism.
Chloe: i told you to turn off that super hearing of yours when she starts to rant.

Clark: Chloe's...references too obscure...brain...seizing...

Chloe: Clark! Don't go all "Flowers For Algernon" on me now!

Clark: Gaah! I'll see you and Dennis Miller in hell!

Poor, poor Charlie.

Clark: OOOWWW!!!!! How are you doing that?!?!
Chloe: I never told you before...I am really...LIVEWIRE!!!!

So that's why Tom Welling wanted to direct an episode...

What do I look like, a tractor?!

Clark: If you're looking for Gough and Millar's heads, you might wanna check their own @$$%$ first.

Clark: Brainiac...message from Zod...wedgie!!!

Chloe: Shh. Don't try to talk. Just relax. Almost...think I've got it...yep. We have Fruit of the Loom! Won't be long now, Clark.

What do you mean i'm infringing on Superboy copyrights?!?! OH MY GOD!! THE STUPIDITY...IT HURTS!!!! HOLY CRAP IT HURTS SO BAD!!!

last man of krypton
Clark : Lex. I don't care that we haven't spoken for 3 months. I need a new tractor so I want money from you. Now. Or have you forgotten that's what friends do for each other?
Lex: Actually, I don't think I will give you any more money. Get out.

Clark: Oh, God! It hurts! It HURTS!
Chloe: Stop your whining, most actors would be thrilled to be picked up for another season.

Clark: Agh! My one weakness?
Chloe: Kryptonite?
Clark: No! Deus ex Machina!

*snaps gloves*

Chloe: Can I get you anything?

Clark: I need some of that Pepto-Bismol! You know, the stuff that helps Nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach and diarrhea! Hey, Pepto-Bismol! Now!

Steve Younis: (head falling into hands) Jesus f***ing Christ, Neal.

Steve then does to me what the picture suggests.

This contest is SO getting pulled.

It was CLOSE. You guys gotta watch it. Not you, JS, just, YOU GUYS. Don't get me killed!

Who wants action figures!

Chloe: Don't worry, Clark. I'll make the kryptonite go away.
(She pulls a gun from her purse, levels iut at him)
Clark: What...are...you doing?!?
Chloe: Remember? The kryptonite effects are neutralized once you die. Hold still.
Clark: That's...the dumbest...thing..I've ever he-

It's the fear of action figures. Fear. Fear will keep the local systems in line!

Clark doubles over in pain when Superboy Prime punches the Time Slot and knocks Smallville back to Wednesday nights. On the up side, the entire cast of One Tree Hill exploded.

Chloe: Clark, you've been hypnotized! You just threw Lex clear across the room!

Clark: Oh that? I did that for fun. With that hairless dome of his he's so aerodynamic. He's like a brooding, pasty javelin.

Clark learns that it doesn't matter what planet you come from - nobody can take a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the gut.

Clark: Aaugh. The pain!
Chloe: Face it, Lana, you're amazing!
Clark: What the heck are you talking about?!
Chloe: I don't even know anymore.

Despite her knowledge of the Heimlich Maneuver, Chloe couldn't help when Clark finally gagged on his relationship with Lana.

"The power of Christ compels you! The power of Christ compels you!"

Your Jason sucks...uh, Supernatural in UPN!

Red Hobbes
Fallout from the filming of "Critic."

Awesomest in-joke EVER. I was gonna put "Critic" in the Smallville wiki episode guide, but I didn't want to get wiki-banned. Which is a lot like the above picture, only with Roger Ebert.

Chloe: HOUSE!


TOM: "Ow, Allison, are you sure I would make this face if I'd been hit by kryptonite?"

ALLISON: "Yeah, it's heart-wrenching. You're such a good actor! Just keep that face. Now put your hand here..."

TOM: "Ow...like this?"

ALLISON: "Good, keep that pose."

TOM: "This is a little uncomf--"

ALLISON: "Ok, Kristen, take the picture!!


KRISTEN: "Yoink! This is your new myspace photo!"

TOM: "What the---YOU'RE SO DEAD!!"

Hold still Clark...I've almost got it. So I guess the President of DC Comics wasn't kidding when he told you where he was gonna shove that file on the Siegel lawsuit!!!

Allison: "Mmm--HUH?? Cameras? Oh crap, are we doing this public service thing today? AHEM...right! Sex is no laughing matter and should be discussed with adults! If someone's making you feel pressured remember that dangers are out there and you need to stay responsible! Smallville cares!"

Director: "Cut! Print!"

Chloe: "Now where did I lay those handcufs...?"

Chloe: This is Spinal Tap!


Spoon AZ
Scene from Clark Pow: Enter the Chloe's Fist.

Clark: Chloe. The kryptonite is in there. My pocket doesn't go any deeper. You can take your hand out now.

Chloe: Oh. Right. Sorry.

What "putting up tarps" is code for.

Allison: Nope, no ratings in here.

For those of you that actually believe this to be a completely innocent scenario, consider: Just off screen, Lex is staggering about engulfed in flames.

last man of krypton
Chloe: You ready for the serum, Clark?
Clark: Ready. I must speak to my father again.

Jonathan Kent: Hello, son.
Clark: You died because of me. Jor-El told me there'd be a price, the life of someone I love. I'm so sorry.
Jonathan: It's alright Clark... I'm so very proud that I died protecting you.
Clark: ...actually, you died protecting Lana. Jor-El decided to take her life, and I bargained with him to let him take your life instead.
Jonathan: You stupid son of a *****.

Clark: Chloe, I just can't take the criticism anymore. They've been saying that we ripped off "Flatliners".

Chloe: Oh, so now they catch on? We've been flatlining twelve episodes a season. (Rimshot.)

super surfer
Chloe: Clark, I TOLD you not to eat that hot dog from the street vendor, but would you listen to me? NOOOOOOOOH. So now you're just gonna hafta suffer.

Chloe: "Clark! What happened?"
Clark: "Get out of here... before he... comes back..."

*Neal walks in and points at Clark*

Neal: "Why do you say this to her when you know I shall only kill you for it?! I am Zod! ZOOOD!!! YOU WILL KNEEL BEFORE ME, SON OF JOR-EL!!! ZOOOOOOD!!!!!!!"

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