Superman: Sorry, you two! Normally, I'm all for "freedom of choice" and "do whatever makes you happy as long as it's not hurting anyone"...but you two are just too #$%^ing ugly to make babies.
Second place ties:
I know pronounce you Mr & Mrs Batman you may shriek the wife.
Superman (thinking): Actually, this is less disgusting than the time Lana and I consummated our relationship.
(Sorry, couldn't resist.)
Superman to self: First I consummated with Lana. Then I get involved with the Fantastic Four. Now I'm in the Fly 3. Note to self, fire Thall.
That's not nice! I don't even get paid to do this gig! My only satisfaction comes from tormenting you guys so... Oh, I guess that IS compensation. Never mind.
Superman: I now pronounce you Ugly and Ugly. You may now get out of my sight before I puke on your heads.
The Old Bum
Okay, yeah... I guess Chuck Austen wasn't that bad.
You did NOT just say that.
I refust to comment based soley on the fact that the sight of this cover brings back memories of trama that I spent thousands of dollars on therapy to repress.
Thank goodness that guy got fired!
Say it, my brother!
Kem-L to Superman and demons
Kem: That's for being ugly.
Kem: That's for being in a Joe Casey book.
(Aaron appears through a boom tube)
Thrall: Hey guys. Who milked the tractor this week?
Kem: That's for saying "milk" and "tractor" in the same sentence.
(Kem-L smacks another demon)
Kem: That's for getting too close to that guy.
Kem-L raises his arm, but is incarcerated by a beam of heat vision.
Superman: What an @$$.
Kem-L is then magically revived. So I can smack him with my magic baseball bat. Get my last name wrong, will ya? I'll teach ya... Eat yogurt sock!
Kem-L to Fantastic Four
Kem: That's for showing up every other week in the caption picture!
Kem-L to Keebler Elves
Kem: That's for making delicious cookies in your magical treehouse!
Sneakymonkey: Gee, Kem-L, you sure are kinda violent!
Kem-L to Sneakymonkey
Kem: That's for using me in your caption!
Oh, you did NOT just diss the F4. This means WAR. The weapon will be comic geekdom. We meet at dawn. Come alone.
Superman: Hey... Hey! Now, you two behave! I know what they say about prom night, which is why your parents asked me to chaperone. There will be NO procreating tonight, hear? *slaps their hands down from grabbing one another* NO! You can HOLD HANDS and that's IT. No hugging, kissing, or whatever it is you do... HEY!
Superman: Now, now! There will be plenty of time to maul each other on the honeymoon, you crazy kids!
Hey! It's Paris Hilton without makeup!
[INSERT OLD, AND STILL NOT FUNNY TRACTOR JOKE HERE]
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That's classic! I've never heard the joke told better! ...No, I'm not sarcastic. Whatever gave you THAT idea?
Superman: And finally, here's my gift for the newlyweds!
Bug Bride: Oh, you should'n't have!
Superman: Well, I did!
Bug Groom: Thanks, Superman!
Bug Bride: Hurry, open it up, dear! What is it?
Bug Groom: Why it looks like a giant can of---
Both Together: RAID?! (Both explode.)
Superman: That's right, folks! Raid. Kills bug people dead.
Next, on the Jerry Springer Show...
I'll stop there, for fear of Steve's wrath.
Aaron (CyberV) Thall