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Justice League: Gods and Monsters [Blu-ray]
In an alternative history Zod is Superman's father, Batman is a vampiric Man-Bat, and Wonder Woman is the child of Ares, God of War. When these dark heroes form an alliance, the question everyone asks is will they save the world, or rule it?
Also available on DVD.
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Flash, upset that he wasn't included in their discussion, takes his revenge
by super-speed licking everyone's cake.
The Old Bum
Batman: Okay, so a black guy, a jewish guy, and a mermaid walk into a bar,
Clark: Um, Bruce, ixnay...
Batman: Okay fine, I won't tell that one.
Superman: Thank you.
Batman: So these two giant green things with blue beards and tentacles are
driving, right? And...
Superman Blue: We're superheroes. We don't NEED silverware or table manners!
Superman Red: Hey, kids! Emulate us!
Superman blue: Man, Geoff Johns is gonna s*** himself trying to work all
Second place. Easily.
Superman Blue: Yeah, after the black Kryptonite split us, we realized one of
us was gonna have to take Lana, so we played rock-paper-scissors, but we
kept tying, then after a few dozen rounds we realized that neither of us
really wanted to put up with all her passive-aggressive whining, so we
decided it'd be easier to just get her out of the picture, and that was
about two weeks ago now...long story short, Bruce, don't go into the
Fortress without a can of air freshener.
Green Guy: If this isn't tractor milking, I don't know what is!
Superman Red to Superman Blue: Look behind you, a three headed monkey.
Superman Blue: Where?
Superman Red taking his cake: Sucker
Batman II: So the rest of us got to talking and we made a decision. Instead
of calling you guys Superman Blue and Red, we're just going to refer to you
as Bad Idea 1 and Bad Idea 2.
Batman II: "Tell it again. Tell it again!" Superman Blue: "Ok, so Weather
Wizard has got me and Flash on a silver platter and what's he start doing?
That's right. He starts monologing. He goes into this whole prepared speech
about how he's overcome our powers, and how he's more intelligent than us,
blah, blah, blah..."
I'm torn. It's not very funny, bot on the other hand, The Incredibles
rocked in so many ways... Thus, a reference to them earns a spot on the
winner's list THIS time.
Captain Marvel: Hi Superman, great party. Hi Superman... (stops, thinks)
wait a minute...
The invitation read, "You are invited to a party of super proportions! Hall
of Justice! 8 p.m. until ? 'Cause we're crazy like that! Punch and pie will
be served!" The heroes "got jiggy with it" until the early morning,
breakdancing to such hits as Cameo's "Word Up". The party was a smashing
success. Oh yeah, and Jimmy Olsen got killed. The End.
(Commercial announcers voice, about Superman Blue) This is Superman, He's
livin' large thanks to Enzyte. He's kickin' back with the boys, having his
cake and eating it too, not to mention, a happy misses at home. (Lois
Smiles). Enzyte, the effective way to natural male enhancement.
This was actually one of the naughtiest captions this week, but
fortunately, I'm out of yogurt socks.