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Superman: Earth One Vol. 3
The follow-up to the NEW YORK TIMES #1 bestselling graphic novels SUPERMAN: EARTH ONE VOL. 1 and 2 is here! Written by J. Michael Straczynski with art by Ardian Syaf, SUPERMAN: EARTH ONE VOL. 3 follows a young Clark Kent as he continues his journey toward becoming the World's Greatest Super Hero.
Lionel: So if you marry Lana, and I marry Martha, I'll have wed the widow of my arch nemesis, while you will become step brothers with Clark, your former best friend and current arch nemesis, making Lana sister-in-law to her once true love. Oh, what tangled webs we weave!
Lex: You can stop waxing poetic, Dad. We're one main character in a coma away from a Daytime Emmy.
Lionel: Sigh...you're right. And to think I could've just died from liver disease in prison. Thanks for nothing, Kal-El.
Lex: What was that?
And the runner-ups:
That's the Pope in the background, mourning the fact that Lana has claimed another soul.
Lex: Get your knife out of my back, Dad.
Lionel: It's for your own good, Lex.
Lex: Hey, Dad, take a whiff of these flowers. Lana grew them herself.
Lex: Aren't they great?
Lionel: SECRETS AND LIES! SECRETS AND LIES! SECRETS AND LI--I'm sorry, what?
Lionel: You know, son, Lana was ready to ditch this whole thing and leave you here all alone and single, but I convinced her marrying you is the best thing she'll ever do!!!
Lex: I hate you. God, I hate you.
Lionel: This Friday, I am receiving an award from the--
Lex: J%#k-Off of the Year. No, B@$t@rd of the Year! Uh, don't you tell me! Guy I Despise So Much, I'd Pay Someone To Kill Ya and Stuff Ya and Leave Ya by my Bed, So That When I Wake Up in the Morning, I Could Roll Over and Punch You in the Face...of the Year.
Lionel: ...aaand we're back.
Aaron: Sorry. Neal's the Scrubs fan, not me.
Tork: Frick on a stick!
I know pronouce you Luthor & son you may now resent one another.
Priest: If there is any person present who knows a reason why this couple should not be united, speak now or forever hold your peace.
Everybody in the church is dead silent.
Lionel: When it comes to people´s silence, no price is too high.
Lex: Dad, this is the best wedding gift ever.
Priest: Should I toss the holy water on them, or wait until the bride shows up? Man, exorcism aint easy.
Lionel: What about that redhead?
Lex: That's my cousin.
Lionel: What about that brunette?
Lex: She's has hooves and a tail.
Lionel: How about that brunette?
Lex: She murdered 16 people.
Lionel: You see, son, there are lots of women better than Lana.
Lex: Wow, she's still smoking after getting that church blessing.
Lionel: At least the bile has stopped spewing.
Lionel: Lex, son, thank you for asking me to be your best man.
Lex: Of course, Dad.
Lionel: Lex...you don't have many friends do you?
Lex: None. Absolutely none.
Lana: Lex, there's a card here from someone named Jor-El? It says sorry he couldn't make it, the present's on it's way? Do you know this person?
Lex: No, though the name sounds familiar. Do you, Dad?
Lionel: Haven't a clue. (Straightens tie. Then bolts like a mad man for the door.)
(Cut to meteor hurtling through space towards Kansas.)
Lex: Hey dad, isn't is just great that we are here today at Clark's funeral at the same time Im getting married to Lana?
(Lionel collapses to the floor)
Lex: Dad, dad, wake up dad!
(Realizes Lionel is dead)
Lex (wakes up screaming): Oh, it's only just a dream.
(Sees Lana in the bed next to him and screams again)
Lionel: If we stand close like this, nobody will see my hand up your arse.
Lex: I'm a puppet?
You can insert your own "Smile Time" reference there.