Justice League: Gods and Monsters [Blu-ray]
In an alternative history Zod is Superman's father, Batman is a vampiric Man-Bat, and Wonder Woman is the child of Ares, God of War. When these dark heroes form an alliance, the question everyone asks is will they save the world, or rule it?
Also available on DVD.
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Lionel: So if you marry Lana, and I marry Martha, I'll have wed the widow of my arch nemesis, while you will become step brothers with Clark, your former best friend and current arch nemesis, making Lana sister-in-law to her once true love. Oh, what tangled webs we weave!
Lex: You can stop waxing poetic, Dad. We're one main character in a coma away from a Daytime Emmy.
Lionel: Sigh...you're right. And to think I could've just died from liver disease in prison. Thanks for nothing, Kal-El.
Lex: What was that?
And the runner-ups:
That's the Pope in the background, mourning the fact that Lana has claimed another soul.
Lex: Get your knife out of my back, Dad.
Lionel: It's for your own good, Lex.
Lex: Hey, Dad, take a whiff of these flowers. Lana grew them herself.
Lex: Aren't they great?
Lionel: SECRETS AND LIES! SECRETS AND LIES! SECRETS AND LI--I'm sorry, what?
Lionel: You know, son, Lana was ready to ditch this whole thing and leave you here all alone and single, but I convinced her marrying you is the best thing she'll ever do!!!
Lex: I hate you. God, I hate you.
Lionel: This Friday, I am receiving an award from the--
Lex: J%#k-Off of the Year. No, B@$t@rd of the Year! Uh, don't you tell me! Guy I Despise So Much, I'd Pay Someone To Kill Ya and Stuff Ya and Leave Ya by my Bed, So That When I Wake Up in the Morning, I Could Roll Over and Punch You in the Face...of the Year.
Lionel: ...aaand we're back.
Aaron: Sorry. Neal's the Scrubs fan, not me.
Tork: Frick on a stick!
I know pronouce you Luthor & son you may now resent one another.
Priest: If there is any person present who knows a reason why this couple should not be united, speak now or forever hold your peace.
Everybody in the church is dead silent.
Lionel: When it comes to people´s silence, no price is too high.
Lex: Dad, this is the best wedding gift ever.
Priest: Should I toss the holy water on them, or wait until the bride shows up? Man, exorcism aint easy.
Lionel: What about that redhead?
Lex: That's my cousin.
Lionel: What about that brunette?
Lex: She's has hooves and a tail.
Lionel: How about that brunette?
Lex: She murdered 16 people.
Lionel: You see, son, there are lots of women better than Lana.
Lex: Wow, she's still smoking after getting that church blessing.
Lionel: At least the bile has stopped spewing.
Lionel: Lex, son, thank you for asking me to be your best man.
Lex: Of course, Dad.
Lionel: Lex...you don't have many friends do you?
Lex: None. Absolutely none.
Lana: Lex, there's a card here from someone named Jor-El? It says sorry he couldn't make it, the present's on it's way? Do you know this person?
Lex: No, though the name sounds familiar. Do you, Dad?
Lionel: Haven't a clue. (Straightens tie. Then bolts like a mad man for the door.)
(Cut to meteor hurtling through space towards Kansas.)
Lex: Hey dad, isn't is just great that we are here today at Clark's funeral at the same time Im getting married to Lana?
(Lionel collapses to the floor)
Lex: Dad, dad, wake up dad!
(Realizes Lionel is dead)
Lex (wakes up screaming): Oh, it's only just a dream.
(Sees Lana in the bed next to him and screams again)
Lionel: If we stand close like this, nobody will see my hand up your arse.
Lex: I'm a puppet?
You can insert your own "Smile Time" reference there.