Movies

Superman II - Restored International Cut Reviewed

By Jeffrey Bridges

Part 2: Niagra Falls

We last left off with Ms. Tessmacher springing Lex from prison, and so we move on directly to the Niagra Falls scene.

There's the same establishing shot of the falls and the hotel, but the theatrical cuts right into the bellboy bringing Lois and Clark to their honeymoon suite.

The RIC, on the other hand, gives you a close-up of the hotel sign (it reads "Honeymoon Haven Hotel", if you were curious) and then pans down to some Japanese people with a kid eating ice cream on benches. Then we get some shots of more Japanese people taking pictures of the falls, some non-Japanese people doing the same thing, more Japanese people taking pictures, and then back to the Japanese kid eating ice cream.

This then cuts in to the bellboy bringing Lois and Clark to their honeymoon suite.

On to the scene with Lex and Ms. Tessmacher in the balloon flying north (as an aside, this scene one of the many times in the film where you can hear the surprisingly good Gene Hackman imitator doing a Lester-directed voice-over of Richard Donner footage... if you close your eyes and just listen, you can tell the difference).

The theatrical version:

MS. TESSMACHER: Lex! How could you do that to Otis?

LEX: What else is ballast for? Ms. Tessmacher... north. Due north.

Ms. TESSMACHER: Right.

The RIC:

MS. TESSMACHER: Lex! How could you do that to Otis?

LEX: What else is ballast for? Would you like to take a trip, Ms. Tessmacher?

MS. TESSMACHER: A vacation? Oh Lex, I could go shopping!

LEX: No no no no.

MS. TESSMACHER: A bikini. I need a new bikini. You must have thought about me in a bikini while you were in prison.

LEX: No actually... I thought about you in a parka.

MS. TESSMACHER: You are sick, Lex. You are really sick.

LEX: That's possible. North. Due north.

MS. TESSMACHER: Right.

Back at Niagra, both versions have the establishing shot of the falls. The theatrical has the shot of the cute kid in the blue Niagra Falls hat and then goes into Lois and Clark talking.

But in the RIC, oh, we get a treat. We get some guy looking through his video camera into the sky. He stops recording and looks at it funny, hits it, puts it next to his ear, and then opens it up. Then they cut to the cute kid in the cat.

And then back to the guy with the camera again!

He's now yanking film out of the back of the camera and stuffing it into a pocket. It goes on for twelve seconds that feels like two hours. If ever there was a judicious edit, this was it. :)

After Superman saves the child who was falling to his death thanks to parental negligence, in the theatrical he changes back into Clark behind the hot dog stand and then steals a couple of hot dogs and goes back to Lois. But in the RIC, he takes the hot dogs, turns to go, and then turns back and tosses some money on the counter.

We next get to the largest chunk of missing footage (and the "snowmoboat"!) with Lex and Ms. Tessmacher on their journey to the Fortress of Solitude. As Lex and Ms. Tessmacher ride by on the snowmobile (another great time to catch the Hackman impersonator on voice-over), the theatrical goes thusly:

LEX: Time? Is that all you care about? North, Ms. Tessmacher. North! North! North!

MS. TESSMACHER: Yes, Lex. North.

[They arrive at the exterior of the Fortress.]

LEX: Look, it's his home. It's Superman's home.

MS. TESSMACHER: Oh good, more ice.

[Cut to the Fortress interior.]

LES: Fantastic.

MS. TESSMACHER: Fantastic.

The RIC:

LEX: Time? Is that all you care about? North, Ms. Tessmacher. North! North! North!

MS. TESSMACHER: Yes, Lex. North.

[They drive the snowmobile down a small snowy passageway. They stop at the bottom, where there's a large pool of water that leads to the Fortress.]

LEX: Aha... what do we have here?

MS. TESSMACHER: Ice. Snow. Your idea of a good time.

LEX: You fool. That's his home, that's his home! Ms. Tessmacher, whatever answers we want from that pie-ball buzzard we're going to find right down there. Now let's go, come on.

MS. TESSMACHER: But there's water there!

LEX: Come on, come on, let's go. Come on.

[She drives the snowmobile down into the water, where little inflatable inner tubes spring forth from underneath the ski runners and keep the *snowmoboat* afloat, letting it cross the water like a boat. They spend roughly the next 36 seconds crossing the water in silence. Upon reaching the Fortress, Lex disembarks.]

MS. TESSMACHER: Hey, Lex! Lex! Hey!

LEX: I'm okay.

MS. TESSMACHER: Hey, help. Help.

[Lex goes back and helps her disembark the snowmoboat and cross the floating ice chunks. They look up at the Fortress.]

MS. TESSMACHER: Oh you must be wrong, Lex. This couldn't be his home, way up here.

LEX: "Wrong, Lex?" Ms. Tessmacher, those are two words we do not use in the same sentence.

MS. TESSMACHER: Well it's funny, there's no front door.

LEX: Ms. Tessmacher, "funny" is a person trying to smile without any teeth.

[Lex does an imitation of a toothless person laughing. Ms. Tessmacher imitates his imitation. He smiles.]

LEX: Right!

[They walk toward the Fortress. Cut to them suddenly inside a narrow passageway of the Fortress, trying to climb up a steep incline, stumbling as they go. She reaches back for him.]

MS. TESSMACHER: Come on, come on.

[He shoos her off.]

LEX: Out of the way, out of the way.

[Cut to a shot of them walking past a corridor, Lex in the lead.]

LEX: This way.

[He waves for her to follow him. She turns and looks up the incline of the corridor he just passed.]

MS. TESSMACHER: It's this way. Lex, it's this way. It's this way, Lex.

[She starts climbing up and Lex follows. She reaches back to help him.]

MS. TESSMACHER: Come on! Come on!

[Lex shoos her off again.]

LEX: Get off!

[Lex takes a few steps and falls and slides down a ways. She laughs at him as she reaches down to help him up.]

MS. TESSMACHER: Come on, come on.

[Cut to the Fortress interior.]

LES: Fantastic.

MS. TESSMACHER: Fantastic.

There are other differences, like when they are walking up to the crystals. Theatrical:

LEX: Why didn't you go before we left?

MS. TESSMACHER: That was two days ago!

LEX: This looks like some kind of control panel.

RIC:

LEX: Why didn't you go before we left?

MS. TESSMACHER: That was two days ago!

[They walk toward the control panel.]

MS. TESSMACHER: Frankly, I think this place is a bit boring. It's all white. Why doesn't the guy put up some posters? Maybe some bull-fight things?

LEX: This looks like some kind of control panel.

And then things get a little tricky. When Lex and Ms. Tessmacher are watching the recording of Lara, Ms. Tessmacher wanders off (this is in both versions). After she's gone, the theatrical proceeds like this:

LEX: Think of it. Three. Count them, three supervillains, each one with the same power he has.

[They fade from a closeup of Lex to a shot of Lex and Ms. Tessmacher back on the snowmoboat.]

LEX: Each one totally dedicated to corruption, violence and evil. That explains the three alpha waves I've been getting on my black box! They'll need a contact here on earth, someone with the same contempt for life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. South, Ms. Tessmacher!

(I will here point out that if you watch Lex speaking that top line, you only actually hear Hackman saying "Think of it". The rest is dubbed over by the voice-impersonator, which you can tell by the sound difference and the fact that the words don't completely synch up with Hackman's mouth.) In the RIC, we get this:

LEX: Think of it. Three. Count them, three supervillains... all three with his power. All three totally dedicated to violence, corruption and evil. They'd need a contact on earth, of course... someone they could trust, someone who had the same wonderful contempt for life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. It's too good to be true. Right?

[He waits for an answer.]

LEX: Right?

[He turns around.]

LEX: Ms. Tessmacher? MS. TESSMACHER!

[She calls back from off-screen.]

MS. TESSMACHER: I found it! ...I think.

[Lex rolls his eyes.]

LEX: She found it.

[Cut to them on the snowmoboat, heading back through small passageways.]

MS. TESSMACHER: I mean, when a girl gets to a certain point in her life she starts to think about these things, you know? So we're not married. We're not married! Now I can take that, I... I can take that. I... I used to ask myself...

[She stops the snowmoboat, and Lex reaches over and shuts it off.]

MS. TESSMACHER: I, I... I don't want to push you into anything.

LEX: I'll push you into something, Ms. Tessmacher. Shut up!

[He checks his black box.]

LEX: It's unbelievable, but it's true. Kryptonian alpha waves, three sets of them.

MS. TESSMACHER: I didn't know Superman had relatives!

LEX: He doesn't! It's the villains, the incorrigibles!

[She nods.]

LEX: These three little sweethearts are on their way here. Do you realize what they're going to do? They're going to give me the world!

MS. TESSMACHER: But Lex, you don't even like the world.

LEX: The world, Ms. Tessmacher, is real estate. Lots and lots of real estate.

MS. TESSMACHER: Land, land, land, it's always land!

LEX: Which they'll develop for me. As soon as we take over, I'll get rid of Superman, I'll put them to work. Super-construction crew! ...DE-struction crew! They'll level forests, move mountains, create new coastlines!

MS. TESSMACHER: Oh, here we go again...

LEX: ...thanks to the help of Superman. He set them free. Lex, baby, you're a hell of a fella... even when you lose, you win!

[They get back on the snowmoboat. Lex points to his left.]

LEX: South, Ms. Tessmacher. South... to victory!

MS. TESSMACHER: Lex...

[She points to their right.]

MS. TESSMACHER: South.

LEX: Ms. Tessmacher? A mouth full of mink?

[He laughs, and she laughs nervously along with him.]

LEX: Right.

[We then get the shot of them on the snowmoboat used in the theatrical release, the lines for which are quoted above. Except here, all Lex says is...]

LEX: South, Ms. Tessmacher. South!

This concludes the second portion of the review.

Part 3: On to East Houston, Idaho