REVIEW:

I don't get mad when writing these reviews. It's an act, like Bill O'Reilly expressing an arbitrary outrage at something he wants to politically smite. Unlike Bill, I'm not a shill butthead, because this is out front for anyone who asks. It's one of the major reason that I, like Bill, get criticized.

"If u don like the show u shuld stop watchin"

Stock response: A critique is a series of statements examining fault. Politically correct teachers like to force you to include a positive statement, as in PNI, positive, negative, interesting. It's why class is boring and most major novelists are formed in a storm of violence, anger, and often drugs. Not aesthetic college halls. At least, not any that interest me. So if you want a positive review, write one. This one's entertaining.

The point of this is not to defend my review. Honestly, at this point, I'm beyond caring. Six years has stripped my soul away from my body like a Zoner, and here I am writing a review of a show that I may know better than the most ardent fans.

So no, I'm clinical, I don't get mad.

This episode made me mad. It really did. All fake images of me blowing a blood vessel are overstating it, but I seriously cannot stand to watch Lana any more.

I'm almost to the point of making it official policy to simply ignore any scene in which she takes part.

Oh, it would be unfair to the crew of the show I'm reviewing, but have they been fair to me? Raising my hopes and offering me this crap? Would it be fair to you guys? If you've read this far, you likely ALREADY fast forward past her scenes. The only thing I'd miss is perhaps some anger and a few knockouts. And likely the last ten minutes of any given show.

It's beyond the pale. It's gone past "Well, she's just inconsistent this episode" or "this season" or "this series" to, "This must be a conscious effort to get us to hate her, or these people are clinically retarded."

Gonna pause here to take a break and play Life with the Lions on my guitar. Billy Bragg. It calms me. The chase is always better than the kill, love, the chase is always better than the kill!

Okay. So now, three minutes and nine seconds later and with slightly aching hands, I feel a little better. Not so homicidal. Which is good, because I'm really angry this time.

This show has a strong undercurrent of semi-racism, and inadvertent racism at that. I'll bring it up when it's pertinent, but here's the first sequence where it's brought into the fray. No, Smallville isn't racist, its writing is just incredibly lazy.

First, the stereotype. Inner city black kids playing basketball. Remember that, it'll come up later.

We see L'il Bow Wow, who is now in the credits simply "Bow Wow," because taking "L'il" off the name "Bow Wow" somehow makes it mature, owning another guy in basketball. I don't know diddly squat about Bow Wow, nor do I care to, but from what I hear he's the son of a famous basketball player? If so, how much did they indulge this guy? Does the show just blatantly make him Bow Wow so he doesn't even have to try and act?

Because he really didn't. Or when he did, he overdid it.

They show him trouncing the other guy in basketball, which makes me wonder, given that the other guy never touches the ball, if this is a narcissistic self-indulgence of a star at the expense of the story, or if this guy's just so dumb he plays ball against a guy he can't possibly beat because the inner city is that desolate. In the hood. Dog. Sarcasm.

This show trying to do street is like me trying to do rich. I mean, good God.

The Phantom Zone blast occurs six seeks ago (which sets Smallville so far almost firmly in the middle of last summer timewise). Bow Wow goes to investigate. Here's the lone stereotype that attacks my later theory (you'll get to it, I have to allude here because the evidence comes later). Bow Wow, seeing a dangerous blast, runs straight for it.

If anyone knows their racial stereotypes right, it's the black guy who runs from danger and the white people who walk towards it, curious.

But regardless, he does, and the shade takes his soul and turns him into a slightly deeper voiced, overacting Bow Wow. He vaporizes his friend for not knowing where Kal-El is (later of course sparing Lana and Lex), leaving shoes.

Yeah, I know, the idea is to show a cool effect, but it'll vaporize a human but not his shoes? Trying too hard. Chloe later says human ash residue is all that remained. There was none. And she didn't mention the shoe. Bad continuity. Sarcasm.

Cut to Lana, joy of joys, and she's still subtly manipulating people into doing things with the arbitrary plot device that we don't care about. The scientist wants out of the project, so he turns to...Lana? The woman who threatened him into doing her bidding? He trusts her? He wants to give her the device? He's not clued into her treachery?

Jimmy's there, well, just because Jimmy's there. There's no real reason unless he's just randomly going to Smallville trying to follow Lex Luthor around without actually making sure he gets into the car and then using that as an excuse to waste the time and gas money to get all the way to Smallville, where he'd have to start following the car. If he has a degree in journalism, this makes him clinically retarded, particularly when there's nothing in the news suggesting Lex is doing wrong or is anything but upstanding beyond what Chloe tells him. Which would be, to wit, nothing, as Lex has done little if anything on Chloe's radar to her.

The most powerful plot device in the universe, despite being hailed as the most important MacGuffin ever last week, is still being carted around without security in a briefcase and being given to the GIRLFRIEND of the man who can get you killed for losing said object.

Yeah, that's plausible.

And apparently, this guy can disappear from Lex Luthor despite having a family and being afraid of what a twenty-year-old can do to him (Lana, last week).

Abysmal.

Clark and Chloe examine the trail of baddies, and Clark intimates that this new Bow Wow baddies, if he's attacking power plants, ought to be hunted down by finding power plants that have been hit.

In a moment of stunning hilarity, Chloe says, "Hello, have you met me?" while handing Clark the power plant pictures. This is supposed to be funny, but it just underscores that characters with six years of history, when they interact, cannot even do the simplest of character interactions, like perhaps knowing how a character will act in a given circumstance. Seems minor, but in all honesty, it's shoddy writing for arbitrary humor.

Clark, in the barn, is stunned to find that Raya has survived. He accepts this pretty much instantly and with minimal concern or questioning. Which is odd.

He talks with Raya, and Clark engages in whining about how much he feels like he's different, how he's not like humanity.

My @$$. The whole thing behind Superman is he's so much NOT the aesthetic of Krypton and relates so much to humanity that he uses his powers to benefit them. The alien thing is a mood he gets in when rejected, but he does NOT live an alien's life. He lives a human life. He did, until he was 14. He's 20. Less than half of his life he's had even half of the powers he's so alien about.

It's like losing an arm. You don't suddenly feel not human. Yeah, you're different, but you're not suddenly a mopey, whining alien in a strange land. And this isn't losing an arm, this is the JOYFUL ability to do whatever the heck you want and use it to help people.

SUPERMAN WHINING IS DEAD. Catharsis is not. Superman whining because he can lift a truck IS. I'm so sick of it.

Does Raya fly? No. She doesn't fly. The excuse they might have used if they cared about their own continuity but never have has always been offered by the fans. Maybe Nam-Ek and company didn't fly because they didn't know they could.

RAYA, part of the crew that sent Kara, who knew she could fly, SPECIFICALLY to Earth, as noted, would be one of three who would SURELY know.

It's a CRITICAL flaw.

There was a funny moment. Jimmy, finally seen again, goes to Chloe. They kiss, and she says, "Jimmy, we're in the bullpen not the back of my Yaris!"

Jimmy: "Which I am looking forward to visiting again!"

When Lana is in a relationship, or Lois is, they focus on how romantic it is. When Chloe is, they make it rather physical. They just don't show it. They show Lana and Lois getting physical but never going to its natural conclusion. They don't with Chloe. It's obvious, and it sucks. They make her out to be a slut when she's slept with one man, Lana bops from character to character, as does Lois, and they're played as more angelic on the show because they're perceived as hotter by the public. Sexism. Crap.

Why is it funny, then? Well, because I have no clue what the hell a Yaris is, and because this blatant product placement failed for me, I thought she said "yard", and that Jimmy was saying that he was looking forward to going back to Chloe's backyard.

I almost had a coronary laughing until I rewound.

Another poverty moment. Chloe has a low-paying job while attending college, and yet she can afford to have first a new beetle, then a Yaris.

I was curious as to what the heck it was, so I looked it up. A new Yaris costs eleven to fourteen thousand dollars. Cheap car, but hard to afford in college with a crap merchant dad you never see.

For some reason, Bow Wow chance encounters Chloe. Chloe, who told Clark about the two missing kids. Somehow she must not have gotten PICTURES of those kids while getting detailed schematics of power plants in a satellite line.

Sigh.

Headdesk Headdesk. Headdesk.

Bow Wow has apparently in six weeks never encountered a database of any kind, so instead he searches the Daily Planet microfiche. Somehow, there's news there that wouldn't be anywhere else. Yeah.

What's the obsession with Clark? You're a bad guy, and you want to kill the innocent son of your jailer? Okay. That's Zod's thing, I get it, but there's always an air of subjugation. Zod is killing Clark because he's a threat and because turned, he could be a powerful ally. This is just a guy who wants fanatically to kill someone he doesn't know.

That's a shallow, badly written character motive, typified in awful freak of the weeks.

And I'm sick of it.

Jimmy scores an interview with Luthor by dropping Chloe's name. Lex very uncharacteristically treats the press (a tool of his Machievellian machinations) like dirt without reason. Yeah, Lex can be a #@%$, but he does so with a reason.

Lex doesn't close his laptop when the press enters the room. He leaves the plot device of destiny that can rock the world's face right out on the table. With the press coming in.

Yeah.

And he lets Jimmy take pictures.

Yeah.

Then he threatens to throw him out the window. The press.

Yeah.

Here comes a big Lana rant.

Lex goes over and gives Lana the keys, pointing out that she stole his Limo. She never pointedly addresses any of his concerns, all valid, which is easy to miss with passive aggressive dialogue (Seemingly the only thing they focused on getting true to life in this show), so I'm going to make it easier to see:

Lex's accusation: "You stole my Limo."

Lana's response: "I didn't know I had to ask you to borrow it." (steal it).

Lex's next accusation: "You didn't take the Limo for ice cream like you said." (A patented Lana Lie)

Lana's response? A sour look (oh, fun to watch).

Lex: "I don't like playing these games."

Lana: (ignoring the game accusation): "Is it the game you don't like, or the fact that someone's playing at your level!" (I'm not going to respond to your accusation because I can just get away with it, and instead I'll rub it in your face that I'm acting how I THINK you act even if you don't act that way! Face it, I'm amazing!)

They went from lovey to this in one episode.

Here, I'll put it plain: THIS IS NOT ENTERTAINING.

Enough, Smallville. Truly, enough. It's vile.

CLARK would not take this *%#@, let alone Lex $%#@ing Luthor. Get your heads out of your #$%es and take care of Lana. Seriously. I have put up with this gawdawful *%@$ you pass off as an independent woman because she's hot for HALF A @%$#ING DECADE.

Do you want to know what drives people to homicide? You want to know what makes people passionately hate someone enough to try and pull their lungs out? Because that seems to be your favorite modus del plotto.

It's crap like THIS, not a stinking jealousy issue over a girl who, if I knew her in real life, would likely be on the opposite side of the world that I'm on at all sides on principle, hardly the object of every man I know's affections.

It hurts feminism, it hurts plot, it hurts the intelligence of every viewer who puts up with it and by God, it hurts just to even HEAR with your eyes closed, moaning.

END LANA NOW. For the love of GOD. Enough.

I would rather be %@$# by ZOD than hear another moment of her incessant, prattling, manipulative na•ve power-grabbing head-shaking quivery-lipped turn-and-walk pout, maniacal-look, furrowed-brow, Neutrogena, neutering, emasculating, angel-whore, not-red-headed, Clark-hating, continuity-screwing, Superman-denigrating, anti-life equation black dress wearing girl power BULL%@$#.

Thank you. And scene.

THAT is amazing. Not Lana.

"There's nothing to be upset about, Lex! I had a late-night craving for ice cream!"

Why can't you have a late night craving for eating glass, raid, borax, glue, rat poison and dying?

Free to be...DIE, AS YOU DESERVE TO!

Clark and Raya racing and talking is neat. Except they're doing it while a murderer crosses the countryside causing nuclear reactors to malfunction. Well, that and the fact that we've heard their conversation of discovering what it's like to have superpowers with another person who "understands" that is then killed about eight hundred fifty thousand times.

Clark, RE Jor-El: "I haven't been the best son."

Yeah, gee, sure sucks when you get mad at your dad and ignore him when he knocks the fetus out of your mother's womb, kills a little girl, tells you to conquer Earth and then doesn't warn you about releasing Zod, how to use the Phantom Zone, or heck, that you can fly!

Clark, face it, you're an ingrate. Bad writing.

Raya waxes about how Clark was sent to save humanity from going extinct like Krypton did.

NEWS FLASH. You have approximately a few billion years before we stop accepting emotion and instead rule our societies by logic, the downfall of Krypton. If you mean some external source, you don't note it in the writing and thusly it plays poorly. And if you expect Clark to rationally believe or go along with anything any character associated with Krypton in this continuity says, you're clinically retarded.

Clark then 180s in his opinion, from being guilty about not being a good son, to saying, "How could I trust someone who's caused so much pain?"

This inclines me to believe this show was written by two writers, and that they wrote it in two different rooms and never spoke.

Raya (incredulous): "Pain is a part of any journey!"

Out goes any sympathy Clark has for this character at the callous disregard for his potential dead sibling, and out goes mine. But oh, wait, Clark still works with her in the show. Great. I guess murder is part of the Krypton journey. "Rule them with skillz, duders!" LOL.

Bow Wow sneaks up on two people with superhearing at this point, and names himself, Baern. Or Baron. Or another name that won't matter in twenty minutes.

Bow Wow proclaims that he's there to kill Clark (instead of doing it) and says that he's just sad that Jor-El was eviscerated along with all of Krypton.

I rewound it again, but yeah, Bow Wow said that all of Krypton was eviscerated. Seriously. They weren't OBLITERATED, as a copy editor could have told you. They were all, to a man, eviscerated.

Hey writers, put the dime dictionary away. You're in the nickel category.

http://www.answers.com/topic/eviscerate

Cut to the blast-o-vision of Clark being pushed away by indefinable powers that later insta-kill Raya but somehow only throw Clark around. Bow Wow gets kicked, then runs away. Or at least we have to think so, because two people who can move at an almost infinite speed searching for the baddie, upon finding him depowered (apparently), simply look at each other and say, "He musta got away, hoss!"

It's the cut-to-commercial school of crappy plot.

Krypton is now officially multi-species and multi-planet, apparently. But no one from any other planet is apparently seeking to kill the son of Jor-El or come to Earth. Curious.

Clark! Clark! You have to use the arbitary plot device to stop Bow Wow!

Doesn't Lex have it?

(Spacey voice) No! Not that! The other thing!

Oh! The pendant of inexplicable origin and indefinable properties that somehow solves the dilemma!

Yes! How could you possible have confused that with the slab of inexplicable origin and indefinable properties that somehow CAUSES the dilemma! Are you clinically retarded?

WROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG!

That doesn't make any sense.

I had to finish the joke!

Jimmy comes to the conclusion that Lex is working with the Egyptians. This is amusing. Probably the only thing in this show. And he's still not wearing a bowtie.

We hear "Brainiac" by name, finally, which is nice, and learn that it was actually something designed to help repository knowledge. Amazing that Clark never tells her that it was actually trying to kill him. I guess she didn't need to know that.

Do I hate this show? No. But at times like this, I don't enjoy it.

Lex and Lana then continue to whine about the box.

Lex intimates that this box might hold the secrets of the universe, and indicates that's what he wants to use it for (and has). He went to the military to use it as a weapon at LANA'S behest a few episodes back.

Now, this episode, giving it back (as if it's some kind of beneficent act on her part after stealing it), she rebukes him postulating it might have some kind of knowledge secrets, saying that it might be a new way to destroy ourselves.

This from the woman who has been attacked by aliens and suggested using it as a weapon to defend themselves from them. The person who SUGGESTED it. And there's no logical break or character change here. At all.

She gets mad at Lex for bringing it to the military. Lex: "Well, who better to protect us?"

Lana's response...does she answer his question? No. She says, "The box or me."

I've been over this before. A rotten, awful woman, nay, a rotten, awful PERSON is the kind who, in the position of a relationship, sets ultimatums as a way to see how much dysfunctional power they can assert over a relationship. My mom did it. Girlfriends I've known have done it. It's been exclusively female to me, but lord knows men do it too.

There are two responses. The Clark response, "Well, gee, yeah, I must be a jerk for questioning you. I'll get rid of the box." (Even if the box is, metaphorically, something Clark cares very much about, like, real life example, a sport or a friend). The LEX response is "Get out of my house. Die."

And honestly, that's my response. Anyone who loves you will know that they have to accept anything you enjoy as long as it doesn't directly hurt or concern them.

The box might be used as a weapon to harm Lana, but LANA SUGGESTED THAT HE USE IT AS A WEAPON, so he's not doing HIS WILL by that, he's doing HERS, so her faulting him for doing exactly what he wanted to do is PASSIVE AGGRESSION on top of a TEST.

This is not entertaining. This is antagonizing to watch. I lived in dysfunction once, I don't think there's anything fun or revelatory about watching it lauded on a television. This is ridiculous.

Conveniently, Bow Wow then walks in and negates the ultimatum by destroying the box. Which means not ONLY was all of the above @%$# passive aggressive, arbitrary drama and grating, it was also a dilemma that didn't need to be raised, as the characters never have to touch upon the arbitrary plot device again.

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Lex is thrown thirty feet, but isn't knocked out. Mostly because no one with a secret identity is in the room. Otherwise, a stiff wind would knock him out.

It's funny, they make this arbitrary plot device of power (the Lex one), but there are no backups in the Fortress? That's just bad computing.

Why does Bow Wow not kill Lex and Lana?

AND AGAIN WITH THE SQUEAKY SHOES.

Lana and Lex at the hospital. Lex has been thrown across the room. Lana looks at him. Lex doesn't SAY anything. Watch. He doesn't SAY ANYTHING AT ALL. Lana looks at him after he's been thrown through a wall. Lex looks at Lana, the person who stole his limo, lied to him, lies to him on a constant basis, the person who's tried to kill him, the person who stole the arbitrary plot device, and she doesn't HEAR him wonder if she's devious, she just SUSPECTS it, and holds him accountable for it. After he's been thrown thirty feet.

BICH.

Clark arrives, walks in, says "Hey, you okay?"

Lex says, "Yeah, now get off my Kool Ade."

Okay. That makes sense for both characters.

Lex then inexplicably leaves Lana alone with Clark. Lana then inexplicably tears into Clark for caring about Lex. First, she berates him for coming to see that Lex is okay, then she asks Clark what he has to do with the device. She has no reason to assume he has anything to do with the device, as far as she knows, he doesn't even know squat about Zod. And yet the writing justifies this lapse by having Clark instantly cop to knowing something, which indicates he has some knowledge beyond, which would lead Lana to ask about things like his powers, but of course she doesn't.

This is not entertainment.

Clark holds up the picture of the piece and asks Lana if she knows what the arbitrary plot device is. Contrary to all heretofore plot logic that Lana obfuscates and manipulates with the device, she instantly owns up to it with the person who should have nothing to do with it (Clark, over Lex) and then tells him it's a pile of ash, which Lana generally would assume is not his business.

It's character inconsistent in the SAME SCENE. MULTIPLE TIMES in this episode.

And then, the racism part. Not only do we have black guys from the inner city playing ball over stereotypical rap music, we have Bow Wow creeping around with his hood up stalking white dudes, obsessed with weapons, and then, this scene.

Lana and Clark are talking. Bear in mind, Lana tells Clark ONLY that they've been assailed. Clark thinks (by her cognizance) that she was just assaulted by a black guy. She doesn't tell him he has powers or threw them across the room.

She says, "That THING destroyed it." It being the device, and the emphasis mine.

So essentially, Lana's character just called a black guy a thing to Clark.

This is not the writer making a statement that evil black people are things. She's obviously referring to the powered character. And the inner city black basketball thing isn't racist. There are really black people in Oakland who play basketball.

Stereotypes are based in fact, or they wouldn't work.

What SUCKS here is that the writing is so sloppy that it can be misinterpreted and manipulated that way. A black man eating watermelon and collard greens while taking joy in drinking forty ounces of liquor is not a racist character necessarily, because there are black men who eat watermelon and collard greens while taking joy in drinking forty ounces of liquor.

BUT

And this is CRITICALLY IMPORTANT

If you are going to craft a character into a stereotype like that, particularly a controvertible one, you DAMNED WELL BETTER make sure that you have a reason, that it fits, and that there aren't ambiguous lines of dialogue that can be misinterpreted to mean you're calling black people THINGS.

Is Smallville racist? No. They cast a half-Chinese woman as Lana. And a black dude as Pete. Many argue it was stunt casting and that Pete was lost as a racist move, but come on. I mean, seriously. No. That's not racism.

But as far as I'm concerned, sometimes racism of ignorance is almost as bad as just blatantly stepping out there and saying some awful racist thing, because an awful racist thing is blatantly bigotry, but remaining misinformed enough about a given race while choosing to write about it to the point that misunderstandings and failures occur is, to me, almost a worse offence. One reinforces stereotypes subtly. The other is butthead racist. Which might people imitate more often?

Yes. The subtle stereotype. The bigot is spurned. The other is sinister in its pervasion. Like, say, making women appear to be arbitrarily perfect/infallible. I complain about this in other forms all the time, and no one ever addresses it. Because writing it like this is easy.

Not right.

Clark and Raya go to the Fortress and plan to use it to summon Baern. This despite the fact that the Fortress is dead. Stated so by both characters. She summons a last little bit of power and calls Bow Wow.

Clark stands idly by while Bow Wow attacks Raya, just sitting there, despite having superspeed, letting her die. Why? Because perish the thought of a story that takes its time and actually does what it must to justify all the actions contained therein.

Bow Wow goes after Ma Kent. Somehow Clark doesn't anticipate this. Martha's reaction? Never covered.

It is hilarious that when he leaves Martha at super-speed, however, he opens and closes the door politely.

Clark's family has a distinctive TONE? What the...

I give up.

Bow Wow: "I'm back...and I'm SUPERSIZED!"

Oh, I get it. He's not "L'il" Bow Wow any more. But if he said something like that, it'd break the character wall and expose the drama to metafiction arbitrarily to help promote a guest star, and that would be callow!

Excuse me while I eviscerate myself.

Clinically retarded.

If Raya is on Earth, and is blasted with the same thing Clark is blasted with, why isn't she instantly healed per Clark's powers? I don't buy it.

AND AGAIN AND AGAIN WITH THE SQUEAKY SHOES.

Six weeks this kid goes on a rampage, there are no news reports?

Jimmy is fired, and then rehired in the basement. You mean he wasn't relegated to the basement to begin with, and had an ACTUAL Daily Planet job, acting the way he acts?

My God.

It's CREATING a continuity problem in order to craft the arbitrary drama of pairing him with Chloe's section of the Daily Planet without needing the continuity error in the first place. It'd be like Clark suddenly having been back in college without us knowing it so that he could drop out at the end of an episode. WHY?

Oh, can we please have some more Lana passive aggression? Please? JOY! WE CAN!

Lana: "I'm not going anywhere tonight."

Lex: "Are you sure?"

This sounds like a joking reference, but actually, it's a serious piece of dialogue. Lex is saying that she's overstepped her bounds and he might be kicking her out. He even points out that they have to reassess their relationship. Here's a character step to rectify the failures of logic from the whole episode. Let's see how that pans out.

Lex: "You're always talking about honesty."

Lana: "Then I guess we're even."

That's the dialogue. Because of a perceived slight Lex committed that remains unnamed, Lana gets away, as a character, with theft, manipulation, pouting, rotten behavior, and heck, even Lex's request that she leave is wholly ignored in the story.

When did Lex lie this episode? When did Lex lie to Lana where she hasn't lied threefold in return? Where did Lex's character disappear?

Lana indicates that she's glad the box died.

Lex asks her about the alien threats, indicating he remembers she wanted to use it as a weapon even though for the whole episode she's been railing against it as a weapon.

Lana's response: "The world doesn't need a Lex Luthor to save it!"

So the question is: "Won't the box help stop people like Bow Wow?" The answer to which is, incidentally, YES.

And Lana's response: "You're just asking this because you're a narcissist." Which in no way addresses the fact that she's destroyed a critical avenue of defense through her OWN narcissism, lies, and treachery, and subtly manipulates the dialogue to make her look like she's justified in being a BICH to Lex.

The world doesn't need a Lex Luthor to save it?

IT JUST $@%#ing DID! And Lex would point that out. At least, any real Lex, not this shallow shell of a Lex they're passing off as Luthor as an excuse to try and fail to give Lana a point in this series.

I just can't express any more how disappointing and poor that is.

Lana: "Our conversation was interrupted."

Lex: "You mean your ultimatum? Do you honestly think I wouldn't have chosen you?"

Why, just because it would fit your character? Nah, screw that. This is Smallville.

Lana: "I guess we'll never know!"

So mysterious! So obtuse! So deliberate! So...die!

See, rational human beings would then ask, "What would you have picked?" because it's pertinent and necessary to know. But this is Lana. Better to pretend all is well and ignore any problems and pretend that makes you seem angelic and pure instead of clinically retarded.

Clark and Martha, talking about Raya.

Clark: "I didn't feel alone any more!"

Next to your MOTHER. Your FOSTER MOTHER WHO RAISED YOU. Who JUST LOST HER HUSBAND to people affiliated with Raya.

CRY MORE, EMO.

I mean seriously, swear to God.

Clark: "I lost a race of people who were just like me."

NO! NO NO NO!

LOSING A RACE OF PEOPLE LIKE YOU IS IF HUMANITY DIES.

Losing a race of curiously homicidal, inexplicably random jack#sses is what happens when you lose Krypton in this series.

SUPERMAN is SUPERMAN because he relates to humanity, not his predecessors. The idea is moving from the OLD COVENANT of stone cold angry violent logic to the NEW COVENANT of forgiveness, beauty in flaw, and potential.

YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND THE FUNDAMENTAL PRECEPTS OF SUPERMAN, AND THUSLY YOU DO NOT DESERVE THE PRIVILEGE, THE PRIVILEGE OF WRITING THIS AMERICAN EPIC.

YOU FAIL.

This show just missed the whole point on so many levels, I could seriously vomit blood.

It then indicates that Clark is ready to go train with Jor-El (a process that in media usually takes seven years or so of life) after the Phantom Zoners are defeated. There are three more. So far, Raya, Clark, Bow Wow and Plant Lady came out, and there were six or seven escapees, depending on who you talk to. That's two to three left.

What do you want to bet a show with such great continuity gets that number right?

The training indicates this is the last season, further affirming what I've earlier postulated. And not too soon, if it keeps up like this.

The show then, without showing Clark reactivating it, brings the Fortress back to life. Bow Wow's energy, I know, but they don't show it, continuity wise it looks like it just came back to life on its own.

They then plug Bow Wow AGAIN (oh boy) and then indicate that next episode will be an out-of-character romp (we never see those) for Green Arrow.

Also of note, this episode lacks an additional two minutes of footage. Apparently the shill for Chloe's car and Bow Wow's album wasn't enough money for the executives. It's not like there was story room to sacrifice with this episode. Lousy.

1 of 5. Right up there with the worst this show has ever offered.

Damn.

SUPER SHORT REVIEW:

I don't even have the patience for it. Just plain awful. 1 of 5.

LETTERS:

I'm in BOLD!

Leigh wrote:
Hi Neal,
I would just like to take this opportunity to say that your smallville episode reviews are fantastic, and very addictive! It even got to the point today when I was waiting for you to post the 5th episode of season 6 review, i would come back every 30 mins just to refresh the page :).

Thanks. That's very flattering, because I do the same thing with the guys I really like, like Maddox and heck, the Superman Homepage. Even now, I jump right onto the page every time Steve says he's updated. It's a sign that something is important, and that means the world to me.

I tend to watch smallville at face value, not sure how i would describe it, but basically try not to think about the flaws etc. too much. That's why i enjoy your reviews as it gives me a better understanding/chance to reflect back on the episode.

Cool. And that's really the point. I mean, I don't see how people can become violently angry at something they disagree with. Information is information. Your job is to enjoy, mine to notate, and we inform each other thusly. I think it rules, myself. I'm flattered you can take it at face value and not want to kill me.

As for the direction smallville is heading, i would like to see the very last episode show clarks transition into the "big blue" outfit. I'd also like to see a guest appearance by bruce wayne at some point, even if for just one episode.

I think Justice might surprise you. No bats I know of, but it's looking good.

If they don't do the outfit at least once, I'll scream. They've corrupted so much so far, they'd better corrupt that, finally, and give their version.

Anyway, just thought you should know that your reviews are awesome and that as long as smallville is still running, you should continue to do these reviews as I, and I'm sure alot of other smallville fans enjoy reading them :).

Cheers,
Leigh

Thank you, Leigh. I'm seeing it through. Awesome letter.

Shalamarke wrote:

Hey Neal,

I'm sure someone else will write this in, but just in case ... regarding this continuity point (paraphrased):

"They fudged continuity a bit here ... at the start of the show Lex was supposed to be 21 ... So he's having an...eight year high school reunion? A seven year? ... It could have just as easily have been a meeting of the old guys for business or something."

I believe they actually did call it something like that. Lex commented to Lana about it when she asked him why he even came to these things. They treated it a bit more like an annual or semi-annual business social.

Just FYI :)

Cool. I didn't notice that. If so, I stand corrected. For the very first time! Mwu ha ha.

While we are at it, might as well comment on this one too:

"The ghost attacks, and though Lana's standing NOWHERE NEAR a light, it falls down, splits her head open, and knocks her out."

I do agree that it was a little hokey, and that you are correct that the light did not touch her. I got the impression that the impact with the floor is what actually split her skull, which you would think would happen more often in scenes like that. Like in the scene where Clark saves her from an explosion every week in the opening credits ... shouldn't her jaw be shattered?

Good call. That explains it too...just not the continuity you mention, heh.

Okay, I am on a roll. You wrote:

"It's funny, because as Clark walks in, Lionel closes a notebook filled with Kryptonian sigils. Like that'll stop Clark from seeing inside of it.

Free to be...DUMB AS CLARK!"

I'm thinking more like, Free to be Human! Realizing that closing the book doesn't help shield the contents from Clark would be an afterthought where Lionel might go "duh, that wouldn't work." It would be a natural reaction for anyone to close something private when someone walks in, regardless of who they are.

That I'll buy.

I know you were being playful at that point. Hate to lose another good point about the episode (and I am probably giving them too much credit for thought). It's actually fun to see you so giddy and able to put time into even the smallest things on this one. :)

Yeah. This last one will likely be eviscerated in the comments because there's no funny, but it's hard to be funny when it's that bad...

Regarding Chloe's article, you said:

"Chloe has a Dark Thursday article thanks to Oliver, which marks I think her second mentioned article. Is she still a phoneling? This should be addressed, and isn't."

Are you sure she got another article? I thought she acted like she had no idea what Oliver was talking about, but played along, knowing it was some cover-up that Clark was involved in.

Might be. I dunno. I never know because they never keep things straight.

Still, I think it's true that her position has not been addressed, as you stated.

That's all! Have a great week!

Shalamarke

Thanks, Shal. I owe you a phone call...I wish life weren't so crazy.

Arune Singh wrote:

Neal,

Thanks so much for the effusive praise in the last column. And thanks to your reader Monkey Chops, for being a loyal and vocal reader-- it means a lot!

Hey, man, you earned it.

Now I know you and I have similar concerns about the show, but I gotta give credit to the writers for having all the episodes this season naturally flow out of the Season Premiere. Oliver's involvement comes from it. The "Zoners" come from it. I know that there are a lot of continuity problems (Lionel and Martha? ...), but this season has a solid direction and one that continues to build in each episode. There's obviously a lot of planning going into all this and while I'm not blown away by the final product, I must admit that the concepts are being carried along and explored fairly well, especially for "Smallville."

I'm seeing it almost like Enterprise season three, where they kind of had something tie the season together. My only issue is that it's not a NEW thing, they're just renaming the freaks Zoners. I agree though, the shared element is making it more cohesive. But then again, so did the "stones" two years ago.

A few questions though:

1. Did we ever find out how Ollie's search for the interloper in his Lexnapping turned out?

Nope.

2. How is Chloe writing for the Daily Planet already?

Nope! Actually, I don't have a clue at all. Neither do the writers, no doubt.

3. Maybe I missed something, but is Lionel supposed to be good, bad, or a plot device? He's always seemed like a bad guy-- and did bad things-- so why does no one seem more repulsed by the guy?

He's a magnificent b@st@rd. He...uh...needs no definition?

Keep up the good writing,

Arune

You as well. I mean, heck, if we both keep up the good writing, might make sense to...at some point...collaborate?

Or do I reveal too much, dear readers?

Charles Flunker wrote:
Hey Neal

Is it just me or have yuo noticed that the last few smallvilee episodes..mainly the last two, Clark has acted extrememly mature, less whining and smarter desicions...he's acting more like "superman"...not Clark Kent

I don't know. His "maturity" got two villains killed, brought him to accept Jor-El unquestionably, had him complicit to thievery, and feeling alien despite 20 years of human upbringing. I find it all relative. I think they're trying to show "Superman." I just don't know if it's working.

Trent wrote:
Hey Neal, it's not out of the question that Clark didn't quite make the connection to the EMP killing Duncan. After all, it makes no sense to me that it would so obviously it makes no sense to Clark either. Clark is basically ignoring a plot element that should never have existed and I can live with that.

I can't ever live with a situation where Clark is potentially responsible for a death consciously.

Jeff wrote:
Just got done watching Arrow (I haven't watched any other subsequent episodes), and I have a few comments.

Okay.

First, Lex did FIND the kryptonian mechanism, specifically a fracture. In the first episode, Lex, not Zod, was shown sitting at his desk, admiring the artifact in question. It's not like someone swiped it from the floor and returned it to Lex. If I'm misunderstanding, well, your point remains unclear.

Yeah, I was playing off the dialogue's silliness, not whether he actually found it.

The whole Clark/Ollie relationship is compelling, yet perverted. So far, the characterization of GA is a modern-day Robin Hood. And Clark's noble traits don't always measure up in this series. He says to Chloe breaking the law is wrong. Really? The regular cast, not just Clark, has a habit of breaking-and-entering without a warrant and failing to report the authorities. Moreover, how many times has someone died at Clark's hands, indirectly or not, not even showing a smidget of heroism (i.e. "it's my fault [insert freak-of-the-week or good-guy] is dead (or injured))?

Too many times.

Particlarly, Clark states to GA that they'll be even when Lionel's neckless is returned. Earlier, Ollie told Clark that all the jewels were originally stolen (and Clark fails to question him for even a shred of evidence; he just takes his word for it). Therefore, Lionel's neckless is also stolen. If Clark was just a regular guy, I can see looking out for yourself and your family. But he's SUPERMAN. Superman would want all the items to be returned to their rightful owners (which doesn't include Lionel), not just the stupid neckless. It reminds me of an episode or two ago, where Lana asked Clark if he wants to save Lex b/c he cares about his well-being or is he covering his own hide? In the end, the items are all returned, but the principle still stands.

Agreed.

And the Lana dealie was interesting. If they change her name and ignore some of her past, she's written perfectly. It's unsettling to see her all heelish, but that's Smallville Lana in the 6th season. Overall, the writers have done an abysmal job portraying the Lana I know and cherish from the Superman mythos. But if they're gonna make her Ms. Luthor, then go with it. Just stick with a direction and be consistent!

They've gone beyond this not being Lana. This is not even the Lana they created. It's a wholly inconsistent affair.

Unfortunately, the Lex-Lionel setup made her seem like a patsy, but hopefully one that will fall at her own demise, rather than turn face and run to Clark. If she comes crying to Clark, then he must help her help herself (b/c that's the right thing to do), not gravel at her feet and act like he's the bad guy and she can do no wrong. What I don't understand is why did Lana lie to Lex and he claims she passed the test? Lionel told Lana that he wants to destroy the artifact. Lana then tells the scientist and Lex that Lionel wants to obtain the artifact and use it for his own power. She miscontrued the story. Why didn't she just tell Lex, word-for-word, Lionel's side? In this way, Lana can say to Lex that she doesn't believe Lionel, that he just wants to destroy it. She perverts the facts, and if I'm Lex, I want my lackey to explain what was said, not his or her interpretation -- that's Lex's job.

Yes. Good letter.

Steve wrote:
I thought I'd write a little review of my own. I tried to follow your example and use a little humour, but also to use my own style of writing.

Cool! Thanks.

Being my first foray into the world of reviewing, I was surprised to have taken as many notes as I did on a 40 minute work of television. They're mostly nitpicky things, things that were wrong or inconsistent in the episode, but I did like the Episode as a whole.

The episode, entitled "Arrow," starts off with a party, gathering the whose-who of the corporate world, at least in Metropolis. Lois, who is Oliver Queen's date, insults one of them, an obvious no-no. Lionel is announcing Martha as basically the future US senator when the party is rudely interrupted by an arrow hitting a panel on the wall that kills the lights. The Green Arrow swoops in and grabs the necklace off of Martha's neck. Now, seeing as how necklaces are quite strong, you would have to have a very strong neck for that not to hurt (and I doubt hers is that strong), yet Martha just has a look on her face like "ugh, my necklace was stolen again." But then every time a necklace is stolen on screen, big or small, it's always done that way, so I'll forgive it. Then, just as quickly as he came, he rushes back out, Lois following at his heels. She then attempts to hit him, which would be quite obviously futile to most people, but apparently not to Lois. GA takes out his crossbow and shoots it up the elevator shaft. Lois tells him to give her the necklace (as if he'd actually give it to her) and grabs onto it. And the GA ascends the elevator shaft. Lois opens her hands and we see a necklace sitting there, but not the one he stole off Martha's neck, a different one. Cut to opening credits and the first commercial break.

When we return, Lois is being questioned about the GA in Oliver Queen's home. They ask her questions, she doesn't tell them anything, and Oli kicks them out. Enter Clark, who is informally introduced to Oliver and they shake hands. Camera closes in on the handshake as they let go, the Queen family crest is revealed in the background (something of importance later in the episode). The two begin exchanging blows to character. Oli bringing Clark's tendency to mask his feeling in sarcasm to the table. Ouch, what a diss! That was harsh. True, but harsh.

Next scene, Lois and Lex enter the study in the Luthor mansion, coming back from a jog. Dr. Groll (assuming I heard the name right) comes in with information about "the device." When Lana see's the device, she reacts to it with distaste, but her words feign ignorance. Of course we already know what it is since most of us have seen the premiere, but apparently Lex doesn't (yeah right).

At the planet, Lois walks in for help from Chloe. She needs to search the Planet database, since research at the inquisitor is limited to "a highlighter and the yellow pages." If I'm not mistaken, wouldn't Chloe get harshly reprimanded for letting someone working for another newspaper search through their computers? Well Chloe's not worried about that, I guess because Lois is her cousin, am I right? Lois is reluctant to give Chloe any information about what she's researching, in fear of having the story taken from her, ouch. This episode is filled with diss after diss after diss. Lois gives in because Chloe knocks some sense into her. Well actually, it's because she knows Chloe's right when she says, "Watching you bumble through our database is like watching Clark try and dance." Another diss. A double-diss at that, one at Lois and one at absent-from-the-scene Clark. Cold, but Chloe does it with such style, and that's one of the reasons why I love her. She comes up with the best puns and quips, not to mention a big, really strong heart. She had to endure Clark's gawkings about Lana last year. Now she's pulling the ol' switcheroo on him with Jimmy.

Anyway, back on-topic, Chloe takes pictures of the ring Lois stole back from the GA, who stole it from Martha, who borrowed it from Lionel, who bought it off "a notorious Bosnian warlord," which we learn later on (wow, this necklace has been in a lot of hands). Their little team-up is cut short when an arrow flies in from . . . somewhere and hits the wooden beam next to them, releasing a knock-out gas. They go out for the count quite quickly, which seemed a little off to me, but whatever.

Cut to the GA entering his alter-ago's home and walking over to the shelving unit, he places the ring on the shelf next to a picture. Kinda stupid, seeing as how since Lois is his girlfriend and is there all the time and is now a reporter investigating the theft of it. She'd probably see it. GA picks up the picture and an expression of anger mixed with sorrow comes upon his face, a nice little close-up. The picture is of a toddler Oli and his Parents in front of a yacht, presumably theirs.

Lana has been summoned by Lionel to discuss Lex. They talk about what happened in episode one of the season with Lex, which she again passes off, saying "Lex wasn't himself." Wonder how long that one will hold up. Not for too long, I think. Lana also reveals that the reason she moved into the mansion with Lex was not because she was out one dorm room, but to keep an eye Lex. Even though in the second episode of the season, we learned that Lex offered her a room in the mansion. Inconsistency right there. Is this really the reason, though? I guess we'll have to wait to find out.

Next scene is in Lois's apartment back in Smallville with Oliver and, you guessed it, Lois. To go off on a semi-relevant tangent, Lois works at the Inquisitor, and the Inquisitor is in Metropolis, right? She lives in Smallville. D*@&, I'd hate to have that DAILY commute. Anywho, Oli offers up his opinion that the GA has a thing for her and Lois responds, "Well, when you're my editor, I'll remember to care what you think" and smiles. I'm not even attempting to count all the disses, there are too many. And it's not a very girlfriendly thing to say, either, is it. Is Lois in Smallville the same Lois that we're supposed to have in the future? Well, I'm noticing more and more Lois' cockiness. She just became a reporter and she already thinks she's nabbed the story of a lifetime. Yep, that's Lois all right! I also noticed in this scene that Oli is wearing a green sweater. It's kinda like Clark always wearing blue and red, but for him it's okay, because he's not Superman yet. However, for Oli it's kind of stupid, seeing as how he already is the GA. Superheroes tend not to worry about the small details that they really should pay attention to in this show. Hmm.

Lionel is talking to some construction workers at the top of the next scene about something, but I don't what it is, or even why he would be talking to them. Clark comes onto the scene and he and Lionel talk about the GA and what has been stolen. Clark is very organized, he even has a cover over the research he's done. Lionel points out to Clark that there's still one person that hasn't been stolen from yet and leaves it to Clark to find the guy.

Cut to GA on the roof of a building across from Westcott Towers, his next target. I don't particularly care for the hood on his costume, but I suppose it's at least somewhat necessary. He uses his nifty spy sunglasses to zero in on the location of the man he will next steel from and then, brandishing one of his cool high-tech arrows that he shoots into a flagpole, glides to the other building, using his multi-tool bow.

Inside, GA redirects the laser detection field with an arrow with a crystalline tip. Pretty cool idea, if you ask me. Whether or not it's plausible, I'll leave to the crystalline-tipped arrow makers. He proceeds forward and grabs the object off the pedestal when good ol' Clark arrives. "Who are you?," he asks and in a clearly synthesized deep voice responds, "Haven't you read? I'm the Green Arrow." That line's a little cheesy, but it works. GA tries to walk away, but Clark stops him. He slowly lifts his head in a very "oh hell no, you didn't" sort of way and tries to throw a punch at Clark, who as we all expect catches it and rather carelessly, throws the guy like 10 feet, breaking another artifact in the process. Doesn't Clark care about anonymity at all any more? I suppose you could make an argument that he didn't think the guy would know who he was, but that really shouldn't matter.

"We've got a breach," the security guy says. No $#!%.

GA stands and shoots an arrow at Clark with a hand crossbow, but he catches it. GA tries again and Clark, in super-speed, moves out of the way and . . . a guard takes it in the shoulder. And apparently it's stun arrow (at least I assume that's what the electric tip was for). Way to go, Clarkie! Clark goes to check on the security guard, who see's him. Will Clark get jail time for stealing? Of course not, the guard just assumes Clark wasn't stealing anything. He wasn't, but, even if he did do it to stop GA, he WAS breaking and entering.

At Luthorcorp, Dr. Groll enters an elevator that Lana happens to be in. I thought at first it was because she was going downstairs after meeting with Lionel, but then I realized that meeting had to have happened at least a day before. Then I thought perhaps she was visiting Lex. But why would she need to go there, when she lives with the guy (in Smallville, btw)? I gave up guessing after that because I realized I was missing the scene, which I liked despite an out-of-character Lana moment. After a moments quiet reflection, Lana stops the elevator and proceeds to threaten the poor man, who's 2 daughters go to prep school, who just built a house and has for 14 years loyally worked for Luthorcorp. What did he do to deserve this? Nothing. Oh wait, he knows Lionel, huge crime there, take him to jail now! I don't think Kristen delivered the threats well either, God bless her heart.

At the Talon, Lois' apartment is broken into and they attack her. Lois, fighter that she is, holds her own against the thugs. Then, when she's free of them she dives to the floor for her phone. Don't know if that was really necessary, but it definitely didn't look right. She dials Chloe who thankfully answers without delay, but unfortunately not before the thugs have grabbed Lois and are dragging her away, screaming wildly. Chloe doesn't catch on that she was screaming for her life for a bit, kinda weird.

Anyway, Clark superspeeds the heck out of dodge and over to the Talon. It's amazing how he can get into places without opening a single door or window. Guess he has a phasing power too. Oli enters looking for Lois, and Clark tells him that someone has taken Lois (stating the obvious) and that his hunch is that GA is behind it. Oli tries to undemonize ( I know that's not a word, but I couldn't think of any other way to say it) the GA. Oli gets a text message (or something) giving him the whereabouts of Lois, as does Clark from Chloe telling him to call her. Oli leaves and he calls her. She sends him a rendering of the symbol on the ring and tells Clark that there has been thousands made. There have been THOUSANDS of these puppies made, and Lionel had to buy this one off the black market? I'm no terrorist, but isn't the BM for purchasing things that are usually hard to come by? And if it's a family crest, why are there thousands of them? I would have liked that to be explained but, alas, I have been disappointed. Clark says, "I've seen this before," and then leaves Chloe waiting on the other line. Cold, just cold.

Clark zooms into Oli's crib, again never opening any doors. He looks around and see's the giant clock face. You were just there in the beginning of the episode, let's not pretend this is your first time seeing it. Now, if I was coming into this room for the first time, I would be suspicious of why there's that big clock there, but only Clark is curious despite Lois the "reporter" having been there several times. He walks up to it and squints (I assume he's X-raying the clock). He open's the door and whoala! GA gadgets. Clark goes to the metal thing and pulls out a drawer with newspaper clipping of all the good deeds the GA has done. Why Oli doesn't just keep it in a scrapbook like Bruce Wayne did in Batman, I don't know. Probably because it wouldn't look as cool as it did neatly displayed in the hidden drawer.

Insert Lois tied up and gagged being dragged down the hall. How they were able to tie her up seeing as how she's still conscious is beyond me. Cut to commercial.

We come back to Lois being tortured.
Thug: "How much do you know?"
Snide remark. Head dunk into the water.
Thug: "Give me a name!"
Spit in the guys face. Head dunk.
Thug: "Who's the Green Arrow!?"
Lois: "Bandit, Green Arrow Bandit, and as if you don't know. . . "
Head du --
Richie Rich: "That's enough."
Whew, Lois is saved!
Lois: "Why am I here and not him"
Richie: "Because you splashed my name on the front page of the newspaper, and now you're going to help me rectify that."
Lois: "I don't know who he is!" Head dunk - again - but this time she passes out.
Richie: "She doesn't know anything . . . kill her." (Meanie!)

They go in for the kill. One of the thugs shoot, but in bullet-time an arrow intercepts the bullet. I'd love to know how one would do that.

GA must have some awesome strength if an arrow throws everyone it hits across a room.

Okay, so GA gets all the bad guys out of the way, saving Lois from demise and then - he points his hand crossbow at her. Don't ask me why, I have no idea. Then he picks her up and carries her away.

Next is a scene with Lex and Lana. The first thing I notice is that Lex has a glass with a lemon slice in it, leading me to think he didn't do it for himself. Now how lazy is this guy if he can't even poor himself a glass of water. Must have been the ice made it more difficult. Anyway, Lana apologizes for going behind his back with what she did, Lex says he impressed and not mad. Blah blah blah. Corny dialogue, corny dialogue, corny dialogue.

Lex asks Lana if she is afraid of what he'd do with a weapon of alien design. Lana says, "No, I believe in you." In the words of Damadar from Dungeons & Dragons, "Foolish girl!"

Lex: ". . . you want me to shut the project down, don't you?"

Lana: "No . . . it might be the only thing to save us from them next time." Ugh! That may be so, but it also may be the very thing that dooms Earth to hell if they were to get their hands on it. It wouldn't be hard for a Kryptonian, and she knows it.

Cut to a wide shot of the roof of some building where Lois lays unconscious, GA nowhere to be seen. And yet now there he is, traipsing into Lois' line of sight. GA leans in to see if she's alright and she turns the tables on him, knocking him to the ground and retrieving his hand crossbow. She points it at him, they talk and she fires and misses. Warning shot. The from across the way, Clark heat-ball's the billboard above their heads, even thought it could have come crashing down on top of them. This distraction allows GA to escape. Poor Lois, foiled again.

In an alleyway in . . . where are now? Well, in an alleyway somewhere in some state between some buildings, GA comes to a screeching wheelie-halt in front of Clark. "Oliver Queen. You owe me one." Oli asks why Clark let him get away, to which Clark responds, "I'm not sure Lois would understand why her new boyfriend is leading a double life." And? That's not an excuse, that's another statement.

And then another Chloe and Clark scene. First off, if you notice, there's a female reporter or whatnot leaving just as Clark is coming in. It looks uncannily like Lois. No real relevance to that being in here, but I thought it was weird. Back to the review. They talk about the GA, Chloe has lost her ring files, and Clark is really terrible at hiding his facial expressions. She knows he knows who the GA is and he asks her not to dig any deeper. She agrees.

Then there's a scene between Lois and Oli, not much happens in the scene except Lois says to him, "You don't know The Green Arrow like I do." Which is obviously not true, but it's kinda funny.

Now we learn that Lex was testing Lana's loyalty with the meeting between she and Lionel. Apparently Lex told Lionel what to say to Lana, to see what she would do with what he told her. She remained loyal. It was very underhanded, very sneaky, very Lex Luthor. Very nice. "I had to be sure . . . The greater the trust, the greater the betrayal." My question is, why even set up the test, then, if even if she passes it, you still wont trust her because she'll betray you? It just doesn't really make sense to me.

Clark comes into the barn to find Oli in the loft reading a newspaper that reads, "Queen Industries CEO and Wife Dead at Sea." Clark has been reading up on Oli. That would hurt me if I were him. They talk about secret identities and relationship not being good bedfellows. Oli gives Clark the necklace that he took off Martha in the beginning of the episode which, we are told, was purchased from a notorious Bosnian Warlord.

The conversation moves on to right and wrong. "You seem to have a crystal clear idea of what's right and what's wrong . . ." says Oli. And Clark responds, "It's not as clear as it used to be." Now either Clark is maturing or the world is getting $#!ttier. Or both.

Oli: ". . . I admire that you use [your abilities] to save the people close to you."

Clark: "But"

Oli: "There's a whole world of people out there, Clark, and they need us. With your potential, you can't wait for them to come to you. When you're ready to do something about that, you let me know." Cue closing music and FADE OUT:

I know I sound like a nitpicker supreme with this review, mostly pointing out details of little or no significance. But look at it this way: with my very first review, I took 3 and 1/8 pages worth of notes and is almost 7 pages long. Not too shabby if I do say so myself.

Hah! From a nitpicker to you, honestly, that's strong stuff. You've tapped into how I do it, basically...

Sara wrote:
Hey, babycakes!

What up!

So, starting with your response to my response. I sent you a video. Very funny. And I'm glad you explained "toss the salad" to me. I never woulda' gotten it otherwise.

Shhh! Kids listening. In Chloe's back yard.

And now we go.

I disagree that Clark was a killer in this episode. Okay, Duncan died because the arrow Duncan shot at Oliver impacted on Clark's invulnerable skin and sent out the EMP burst. If he'd been able to touch the spirit (for want of a better word) and moved it in front of the arrow. or caught the arrow and threw it back at him. and he didn't at that point know that an EMP burst would kill him either. Can you really call someone a "killer" if their actions had no intension of hurting another entity but rather to directly protect someone in danger? OK, I'll just chill. I'm good. ;D

Well, it depends. Murdering and killing are oft confused. An executioner is a killer, but not necessarily a murderer. It's probably involuntary manslaughter with no criminal intent.

Physical match. Is that in my comment of Young Lex being extremely broad chested while Michael is more slim in physique?

I dunno. I was looking at the face...dirty girl!

Zoners. Yeah that was a little tired, but I'm picky.

It's hokey, the term.

Did you check and Chloe really did encourage him to kill Lex? That would have been weird for me if she had. She doesn't seem to be the type of person to condone that. Hmmm.

I didn't check. I need to hire a fact-checker. Or eat. Heyo! ;)

It would be nice if they expounded on why the Queen satellites were fine. Perhaps they very specifically isolated them and the computers on Earth serving them to each other with absolutely zero contact to the internet or outside world. Maybe they had developed new and improved firewall software that they are now working to market to the world. The explanation could be so easy and, like you've mentioned before, dealt with in only a few sentences that it's silly not to do so. Maybe they don't want to pander to the geeky elite, such as myself, but don't they know that it's people like me that make their show possible? (Hey ho, PBS!) Whatever. I'm expecting that they'll just let it slide because they think our minds are like Swiss cheese with giant holes in them.

Aren't they? Maybe just mine.

If that was Metropolis Hospital, why did it look so tiny? It was a tiny little brick building in a possibly dingy, but it was too dark to actually notice, part of town. I mean, I know in big cities, they build up, but it threw me for a bit.

It's like the paintings in Super Mario. Looks small, but there's a whole world inside. And Thwomps.

By the way, where was Excelsior (Excelsior!) supposed to be located? Is it really that close to Metropolis?

No idea, actually.

The fries were good. But I was burping up Suicide Sauce all night!

Suicide sauce, folks, is ghetto manna. It's what you do when you're poor or low on food like me, like the bachelor's special. When you have little food, you get creative on how to use it. Many innovations are possible. Bologna and sugar. Tomato sauce soup. Top Ramen and sour cream. Mac and cheese with one can of cream of chicken (bachelor's special) feeds two grown men. And there's suicide sauce. When you don't have enough ranch for fries, you combine what little mustard, ketchup, A-1, Worshtershire, and ranch you have, add some hot sauce and pepper, and BINGO! Tolerable frozen fries. I served them to Sara when she came to watch the show with me because I'm down to that and popcorn until food stamps. I'm eating the popcorn tonight.

Ah, come on. Mocking the CW (or network TV in general) is like shooting fish in a barrel!

I do it because I'm lazy. And because it's fun. I console myself with this laziness by writing good books on the side. As a joke.

My problem with the EMP burst is that #1 - the Boxing glove actually struck someone without piercing someone and the EMP arrow doesn't have that opportunity AND #2 - he specifically mentioned the potential of stopping a pace maker. Doesn't that making him a preparing old people killer? I know there were some old supervillains, but mostly they're people like my grandpa. I should kick Oliver's butt!

Just use an axe, not a techno-gun.

Question: If electronics is hit by an EMP burst, does that mean they're not repairable?

As I recall. At least, in sci-fi.

The angst about "hurting Lana" and "shoulda' obeyed Jor-El" is getting tired fast. Why do they feel this weird need to continue to harp on it? Does it forward anything? Are they setting us up for Lana to be absolutely safe when she leaves Smallville? (Oh, wait. What about Jason?!?) Or that Jor-El is going to reboot and make ridiculous demands and Clark will now automatically obey him?!? Seriously, people!!!

I was happy that they didn't insist on crushing the knob in his hand (get your mind out of the gutter) and just busting the lock. And it's such a Clark Kent thing to do. in all genres!

Yes.

It must be something about Ollie's arrows. They don't just go through people. they're designed to stick in and fling people about. At least they're consistent about it. (But how did Duncan know about Ollie's secret stash? (Tee hee!) If he's an electronic ghost, how would he know that room is back there when it isn't found by anyone else?

FIREWORKS!

That's a big "duh hick" that Ollie's arm will be healed by next week. I'm so not taking you up on that.

I coulda been a contender.

It's true. The Lionel/Lex convo was very in character for both. It was pivotal. If only they'd do that more often, I could be happy.

Actually, while Ollie mentioned the article, that was just Clark's excuse for getting the satellite images. Perhaps you noticed how perplexed Chloe looked when it was mentioned. Perhaps she will write it and end up at the DP, but I'm thinking it won't.

I'm hoping that with Raya, we'll find out why she was really in the Zone. (Auto Zone!) Sure, we heard her side of it, but isn't it possible she was LYING?!?

I think so. Apparently the writers forgot Kryptonians are deceptive in this continuity and not immediately trusted.

Well, that's all for me. You have a short review. I have a short response. Amazing how that works out, isn't it?

Sara

This review is actually pretty short too, despite the meat being longer. Less letters when I'm positive. I have to say something controvertible to get ratings, I guess.

I hate babies. And Gandhi.

Gary wrote:
this is what I said in my last email.

Needs a colon.

I said in my last email that Lana was right for calling Lex out on his revolving door of women and I said that in Bound it said he had slept with 13 women in the last year. You said 13 got a list. No I don't because they nevr listed them but Chloe had the article and they had interviewed 13 women that he had slept with in the last year. Which for some people might not be too many and some it may but thats not the point. The point I was trying to make was that yes Lana has been in a few serious relationships but before Lex she had only slept with Clark. I can name at least 6 women Lex has slept with, Victoria, Desiree, Helen, The lawyer in Bound, the girl that tied him up in Bound, the girl that was killed in Bound, and then all the girls that were interviewed. And if he had slept with that many after Helen then how many has he slept with since before Helen back to before the club Zero flashback, and then how many more after Bound and before he started dating Lana in Fragile. My point is Lana is in no way more promiscious than Lex.

And my response, which you apparently neglected to read, indicated that I wasn't suggesting that she was promiscuous, only with more partners than Lex. And that's true.

You wrote this in your review....

Did they show him sleeping with those women, or just heavy petting as with Lana? What, because it's a guy it's automatically sex he's having? That's sexist.

That too.

If you can do that, I'll assume Lana's banging every guy she holds hands with, which makes her WAY more promiscuous than Lex. And rrrrrrrreow with Chloe, boyeeeeee!

Man! I'm funny.

... What I don't understand is how you can be so naive. I mean come on. You really think that Lex didn't sleep with them.

This is how critique works: You cannot assume something (per the intentional fallacy) without a rationale. When the writers do not provide a rationale, every possibility is equally as plausible as the next. It's just as likely that Lana is banging every man on Earth as it is that Lex is banging every woman on Earth, because they don't tell you who they do or don't have sex with.

Given that Lana has had more boyfriends and that I've stated that sex is irrelative, my point stands.

He made a couple of pretty clear comments to Lionel and it looked like it could just be implied that he slept with Victoria. With Desiree he married her, I mean come on of course he slept her, and then Helen he was dating and engaged to for a long time so so can kind of just assume they did. Then IT DID SPECIFICALLY say in BOUND that he did sleep with the Lawyer, the Crazy girl(which he slept with twice and didn't remember her so she could almost be counted as two, and then he had slept with the girl that got killed it said that also. Then there was also the girls in the article and ut Specifically said again that all those women said they slept with him, and in the context of the episode and from Lex not denying it to Clark you are suppose to believe he slept with them too. And if he slept with all them who is to say he didn't sleep with more, it isn't a guy thing it's just a resonable deduction from seeing that he slept with so many other people. Before Bound aired I thought Lex probably slept with a few people here and there becuase of his personality and he is a millionare but when I saw they episode I was a little suprised by how many he had been with. But you can't just ignore what they say on screen because you feel like it. I'm not even really trying to defend Lana but so what if she has kissed and petted with some guys that is no where near what Lex has done and you can't just ignore stuff because you being naive about the stuff they don't show explictly. I don't assume alot of things they don't show but something like thinking Lex slept with the women he dated as an adult and the ones they said he did isn't that big of a leap. With Lex he was in adult relationships and it was pretty implied, with Lana she was a minor until Clark and it was explictly said onscreen she was a virgin until Clark twice. I'm sick of even having this arguement anymore but I just got upset that you made it look like Lana was sluting it up and been with more people than Lex when it is so clear from actually watching the show that he was with more.

Lana is slutting it up by my definition. To me a slut doesn't always entail sex. The idea of "slutness" is someone who's so dedicated to attention they'll do anything, up to and frequently including sex, for attention. Who does that sound like more, Lex, or Lana?

If you define it STRICTLY as who has the most intercourse, Lex is the bigger slut. But honestly, he's not an attention whore, and he's not insecure. That's my point.

Paul Pace wrote:
Hi Neal,

Enjoyed the last episode of Smallville and the review, but I find I might have to disagree with you taking away half a point for the kryptonite involvment. Normally I would agree, and the freak of the week would get on my nerves, but this time it is just a little different.

Okay.

It wasn't some guy getting Kryptonite grills and discovering he could bite through steel, or a rapper with kryptonite rims that could hypnotize women as they spun, or a golfer using kryptonite clubs to get that long drive and discovering he now had the power to control all golf equipment.

This time it wasn't something stupid like that, but it was actual scientists, working under Lionel Luthor, who were using this rock known to have fantastical properties and actually trying to induce the very effect that Duncan exhibited in the show, using specific treatments as tests. With like, the scientific method and stuff. It shows us a dark side of Lionel to remind us he's still sinister, and even shows possibilities for a future reoccurence as Lex demands the research on his desk by morning. So for once, the effects of a meteor rock aren't completely ignored by powerful people, and they use it to their advantage. Also it shows us the working relationship between Lex, definitively establishing him as Lionel's boss if we hadn't figured it out yet.

I dunno. It's still a K derived villain with few parameters...

Finally, you say Clark killed a guy, but I don't think Clark is actually culpable at all in this case. Duncan fired an EMP arrow at Ollie, and whether or not Clark was there, the arrow would have hit, causing the EMP to go off and kill Duncan. Clark could have caught the arrow instead of being hit by it, maybe, but there's no way of knowing if that would cause the EMP to go off anyway(it could be triggered by any sudden stop). Also Clark didn't really have the time to check and see what kind of arrow it was. Duncan sealed his own fate the second he threw it, Clark's intervention merely saved Oliver.

Killing=killing, murder=hostile intent.

Can't wait til next week to see if Raya will make out with Clark and ruin the moment by whispering Jor-El's name longingly.

Peace,
Paul

Hah! Nice.

thebrakeman wrote:
Hey, Neal.
I'm glad you were able to kick back a little on this review! I also thought they did a good job covering the bases.

I'm trying. This one might disappoint. The funny is tough when it sucks.

A little feedback for you:
The Gotham reference. After that guy said he had to get back to Gotham, they slowly moved down to the back of the car to the leaking fuel. Was anyone else worried that they were going to show a "BRC WYN" license plate?

I was. I didn't mention that because I thought I was crazy. Alas...

Regarding Clark going in the door after Lois said, "Ladies first". I noticed that Clark rolled his eyes before going in. It was clearly a, "get over it...I'm going in anyway." This continues to support how well this episode was written. The non-verbal addressed Lois' comment.

It was a good episode.

As far as the arrows lifting people off the ground, he said that he was thinking about making a boxing glove arrow. They should have made this type of thing take care of that. An arrow that, on impact, transfers the velocity energy into blunt impact energy (like a boxing glove). Of course if that were the case, the arrow wouldn't penetrate, but would only throw the person down. Could have been interesting, but I agree with you.impale, or knock down..not both.

Word.

As far as Clark not feeling guilty about killing the guy (Nathan?), Clark had no idea what type of arrow was being hurled at Ollie. Like you said.not his fault. Why should Clark feel guilty about the death. Sorry? Maybe. Guilty? No.

Yes.

Oliver's arm in a sling. I'll one-up you! Not only will it be healed next week (functional), but it will be strong enough to pull a bow!! Compound bows help you hold it ready to shoot, but it still takes a lot of strength to pull it out!

Hadn't thought of that! Nice!

Parker wrote:
I think you may have jumped the gun by accusing Clark of killing Duncan in "Reunion".

He did kill him. He just didn't murder him. Phil 101.

Duncan would have died in the exact same way at the exact same time if Clark hadn't been there at all, because the pulse would've gone off when it hit Oliver and killed Duncan anyway.

It would be like saying Clark killed a terrorist suicide bomber by standing between the victims and the blast. The bomber dies at his own hand either way. Clark isn't a factor.

~ Parker

I agree. Heh.

Unusual Gent wrote:
Hey Neal,

Finally had chance to catch up on your reviews... and had some observations.

Cool.

In the review of Reunion, you wrote: "They fudged continuity a bit here, obviously. I know, not SMALLVILLE, fudging continuity. If you think about it, at the start of the show Lex was supposed to be 21. That makes him either 15 or 16 depending on how you look at the passage of the year (if he was about to be 22 or just 21).So he's having an...eight year high school reunion? A seven year? They're relying on the fact that we'll just assume he's 28 now, or whatever. It's sloppy. It could have just as easily have been a meeting of the old guys for business or something."

Neal.. I went back and checked... it was just a meeting of guys for business. Lex says, "...These alumni socials are good for business." Having had a few friends who went to Shadyside academy.. my hometown's version of Excelsior High, I know they have all types of alumni events, on a regular basis.. and not just 5 and 10 year reunions.

Cool. So now it's for sure. I just misheard in the hubbub.

So the writers got it right! They beat you Neal... ahhh.. well.. almost. Then one of OQ's stupid friends messes it all up by saying, "after 10 years... the gang's all here." D'oh! We'll get you next time Neal Bailey!

You know, honestly I wish they would convene with me. Communication between creators and reviewers is supposed to be a no-no, but an informed reviewer who knows the limitations and intentions who isn't forced to fire blind often provides better, and frequently more positive reviews.

Ok next time.

You state: "Oliver Queen and pals bust up that noise with the quickness, making for Lex and treating him like garbage. It's an arbitary bullying scene, guys being brutal with no real reason to be brutal. Baldness works as a reason to pick on a kid up until Junior High, in High School it takes some prompting. And regardless, at this point, Lex is incredibly rich. His father has a private helicopter when he loses his hair, after all, that's no slouch."

You must have went to a pretty nice high school. In my school, people got bullied for no reason all the time. Being a nerd, bald headed weakly-looking kid, with rumors about you flipping out and killing your little brother... that would have been plenty of reason in my High school. And having money was no security blanket against being teased and picked on. In Lex's case... everyone at his school was rich... so his father being rich was nothing special.

I got bullied a lot. People picked on me for being poor, atheist in a religious school, assertive, not physical enough, heck, for brown hair. But they always had a small, albeit stupid reason. I agree bullies operate on little logic, but there's always SOME perceived slight.

On another note...The thing with the Phantom Zone. The "zoners" -- excuse the phrase--- come in two varieties. First there are your run of the mill criminals and various baddies thrown into the zone by Jor-el or clark. Then there are the phantoms---the worst of the worst who are condemned forever and their bodies are taken away to prevent them from having a body should they escape. Both types of Zoners escaped with Clark.

Now confirmed...good call.

oh... and not allthe Zoners are Kryptonian... Raya says that Jor-el built the Phantom Zone to hold criminals fromthe 28 known galaxies.
Anyhow.. thanks for the review...take care

You're welcome, and double confirmed now.

Bruce Kanin wrote:

OVERALL
The first multi-grade rating! This episode gets...

...an 'A' for Astonishing me with the unexpected
...a 'B' for being Baffling
...a 'C' for being Confusing
...a 'D' for being Dopey
...and an 'F' for being Freakin' ridiculous

Let's average it out to a 'C-PLUS'

THE GOOD

I did like that. It worked well. Couched in crap, but nonetheless could later mean a lot.

THE BAD

THE REST

COMING DISTRACTIONS

Awesome observations, as ever, Bruce.

Felix Vasquez wrote:
Hey man,

How's the house? Anyway, I'll get straight to business this week, seeing as how it's been a turbulent year and I'm anxious for it to end.

Likewise. I'm sick of this year, I really am. It's been hard, and there's only bright lights ahead.

The house is hell, but nearing completion. 9 of 14 rooms finished, and of those, three are half done.

1. Bow Wow on "Smallville," it's a pure ratings stunt. The fact they'd hire a rapper who stopped being popular a long, long time ago speaks waves of the CW. Granted, he was tolerable in "Roll Bounce" but that movie is entertaining because of the other aspects, and not him.

I didn't see Roll Bounce. But I did read your review, so I'll be watching it at some point.

2. I got into this with another member, but taking the only African American character you've featured on a show dominated by a cast of Caucasians and making him a basket ball player is stereotyping, pure and simple. It's not being sensitive here, but I'm just calling a duck a duck.

Okay, so I'm not crazy. I was worried there. I'm a white guy with his pulse pretty well on what's racist and what isn't living in the neighborhood I live in, but it's always nice to hear it confirmed, especially given that we didn't talk about that before you wrote this.

They throw off Pete, and cast Jimmy, and now the first African American character since Cyborg is a basket ball player? I could just hear someone go, "Let's make him a basketball player." Oy.

Yeah.

3. Who walks around a massively popular world wide newspaper without being stopped once except for an intern? Makes no real sense.

Bow Wow.

4. Lex is being Lex! Threatening Jimmy, escorting him out, Rosenbaum is the BEST Luthor I've seen in the Superman mythos. Rosenbaum is such a fantastic actor.

I saw it as a jump. That's the problem with making him soft all the time...

5. I have to say, the whole climax in the fortress of solitude, and the S emblem that's become a new way to strike fear into the Kryptonian criminals was rather good. This episode felt an awful lot like Superman to me, even if I'm still not digging Welling at all.

Save for reservations with the consistently boring Lana/Lex sub-plot, and a pretty underwhelming villain, this episode was really good. I enjoy it more than that overrated "Arrow," that's for sure.

3.5 out of 5 for me.

You, sir, are too kind!

I'm going to get started on "Elephant," I can't wait. You're still my favorite writer.

Awesome. You gotta tell me what you think about the Kincade scene. Well, that and the kid getting shot. Kidding! Or AM I?

- Felix
Cinema Crazed
http://www.cinema-crazed.com

Thanks, all! Catch you next week! And don't forget to check out the updated KO Count.

Neal

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