Superman on Television

Justice League: Episode Reviews

Season 3 - Episode 9: "Ultimatum"

Reviewed by: Barry Freiman

Ultimately, everything old is new again in "Ultimatum" (a.k.a. Me Hate Superman)

Strange reviewer man am lighting silly eight candles. Why he not light one big candle instead me not understand. But me like to spin silly reviewing man and call him "Dradel Man." Him gone so Bizarro talk about JLU episode today.

Me hate Superman. Him too good for own show so him on JLU with other super saps. Super saps am silly co-stars of new show that Bizarro am in with new old girlfriend Giganta. She hate me to be with monkey face Grodd from Legion of Doom. Me sing for last time on "Ultimatum" better than Bizarro beetles.

Me hate this show. Not enough Bizarro. It am all about Super Friends who am not Bizarro friends.

Superman am imperfect duplicate of Bizarro. Him stupid on old Stupid Friends TV show with Batman, Wonder Woman, and Aquaman. Aquaman am silly underwater Stupid Friend and always make Bizarro wet. Him trade silly orange suit for hook and hairy face. Him used to be so angry and now him dumb hairy face. Me like orange.

Not just four last Stupid Friends in this story but made up dumb Stupid Friends in stupid episode too. There am Samurai guy who calls self Wind Dragon. Him drag in wind and not in wind. Him full of lots of wind all the time. Old Samurai have Super Powers toy long time ahead but Bizarro no have Super Powers toy because me am too good. Then there am Apache Chief. Him have same name in comic books that is Manitou Raven but here am same again and called Long Shadow. Me no see shadow, me only see long hand hit Bizarro, Bizarro only want to help.

Am also Juice. Him have same name as O.J. Simpson who be on Legion of Doom "Z" team. But him also like old made up Stupid Friend, Black Vulcan. Him like touching doorknob in summer so me no like.

And first, there am me most unfavorite Wonder Twins. Them now called Downpour and Shifter but me miss super monkey Gleek. Him Bizarro super monkey with no duplicating machine needed.

Story am not fun for Bizarro. Me not in show too much so me not like. Me have girl friend Giganta and me do what me can to make big girl sad. So me sing and fight Wonder Woman who no let Bizarro help Giganta's monkey friend Grodd. Wonder Woman am confusing Bizarro and ask too few answers. Me like to be hit by giant hand so me like Long Shadow but still no see shadow -- just stars.

Me no like show with little Bizarro and much of Stupid Friends. Bizarro am on STAS few time but never be on JL. Bizarro get stupid show and not let Stupid Friends play next time.

When Bizarro am not on TV, Bizarro am so happy me scream. Bizarro see Lava Men and want them to dry stupid Aquaman's hair. But made-up super saps make JLU super saps look smart. Them give corny speech that make Bizarro laugh. But old friend Superman get funny line so Bizarro cry all day.

Me see no one like Maxwell Lord. Him run old Justice League into ground on paper comic book. On TV, him am nice as never before.

Me hate Amanda Waller least. She am tiny lady and yell at Batman. Hahaha. Batman am fun to yell at but him never be with silly yellow and red boy. Me like silly yellow and red boy because him count down top songs on Bizarro radio. Me think he must be with silly Scooby dog. Bizarro eat Scooby snacks but still hungry. Me eat twice as little next time.

Me like end of show. Five made up Stupid Friends no can live so they fight imperfect members in JLU. Me no know which Stupid Friend Bizarro am to root for so Bizarro root for Bizarro. But no Bizarro. Me cry when Batman tell Waller him have bigger ones than her.

Bizarro rate episode as not enough Bizarro so me shoot show with four speeding bullets. Bizarro go now. It am not holiday on Bizarro world so me put square on bottom of Bizarro tree. Bizarro-Krypto no pee on Earth tree but am good for men to have will so Bizarro can smash men.

Hi-hi and War In.

(Note from silly Dradel Man: Thanks for the terrible review, Bizarro. I liked this episode and would have given it four speeding bullets as well. It was a more effective homage to the Super Friends than last year's "Secret Society". I enjoyed the notion that the substitute Super Friends came out of nowhere as that is exactly what happened when they were created for the old Super Friends show in the first place. Unlike attempts to bring these characters into the comic books - including the Wonder Twins in one of the early 1990s Justice League spin off books and the recent introduction of Manitou Raven in JLA as a modern Apache Chief - this storyline and these characters worked well. If anyone had ever told me that Samurai, Apache Chief, Black Vulcan, Zan and Jayna would be in a story that would make me cry for any reason other than embarrassment, I'd have said "Form of a straight jacket". Once again, the animated series finds a way to make the un-workable workable by combining disparate elements like the Super Friends, Maxwell Lord, Amanda Waller, and the Ultra-Marines. Bravo JLU and peace out).

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