Thank Zod It’s Friday! – February 8, 2019 Edition

People of Houston. Zod is here, to tell you that the State of the Union is irrelevant, for you are all my servants.

A brief poem:

Fancy, the bowing head
For if yours is not
It shall be removed
And tumble
Like the chrysanthemum
To land at my booted feet
Kneel before
Kneel before this happens
Because it will hurt

And now, relationship advice:

Sven-El writes:


Since 1978, five actors have played you on film and television documentaries, including one Mich-El Rosen-Baum when his Luthor was possessed by your ghost. Of the actors who do you feel played you best? Do each have their own merits that made them enjoyable?

Zod thinks of all those to play the role, aside from when Zod played himself, the closest is the aforementioned Rosen-Baum, for he, as an actor, brings skills and subtleties to the role lacked by others playing him, both as a Luth-Or that one can actually consider a menace, but also when out-of-character as other villains.

Michael Shannon has two Zod modes, so far as Zod is aware, which is shouting like a maniac, and mumbling in an angry tone of voice. He was not a very compelling Zod to Zod.

Some may then say, well, Zod, when you yourself were playing yourself, you did scream, did you not? Yes, Zod would reply, but Zod’s screaming had a much more dynamic and character-driven bent to it. For instance, Zod, given Shannon’s line, would not say:

“I WILL FIND HIM!” at the top of Zod’s lungs.

Zod would instead say, “Why is Zod’s vessel so inordinately phallic? Zod will be in his trailer until this is rectified.”

And then chortle at the rectification joke until Stanley the intern brought Zod his contractually obligated Zima.

Smallville’s Zod was not horrible, the actor, anyway, though the character was so poorly and strangely written Zod wonders how the show stayed on the air for so long.

Zod has not seen the Zod on the show Krypton, nor on Son-of-our-jailer-Girl, though he will eventually get around to it. Zod is not compelled very strongly to see other people imitate what he does perfectly. Which is not to say that attempting to be like Zod is not worthy of regard, more so that Zod is busy with many things.

On that note if you could pick any actor to portray you who would you pick? For my money, the late, great Christopher Lee would have made an inspired choice, having played villains like Dracula, Count Dooku, and Saruman. Further while filming LOTR he was told to imagine what it would be like to be stabbed in the back, to he said, “he didn’t have to imagine” due to his time in the O.S.S. during World War II.

Christopher Lee would make a great Zod. Zod believes he could carry my role well, though it would have to be an older Zod, as Zod is in his early thirties, and ever shall he be. Christopher Lee also suffers from the malady of death, disqualifying him, but almost all of the people Zod has encountered have died and returned to life thirty or forty times, so Zod is sure he could be brought back.

Even so, Lee has Zod’s admiration for playing villainy so well. Apparently in real life he was a good person and quite fun. Alas.

If Zod could choose anyone to portray Zod, assuming Zod were too busy to portray Zod, Zod thinks that the best person would be a younger Terence Stamp. Barring that, Zod thinks that with darkened hair, Domhnall Gleeson would do a magnificent job.

Spidey 2878 writes:

General Zod,

The Man of Steel movie version of you wore armor to fight the son of your jailer. How do you feel about that? Should he have worn it or shouldn’t he have worn it? Is it honorable or dishonorable to wear armor in a fight?

It is not dishonorable to wear armor in a fight to be mightier than your opponent. When you are invincible, however, it does make Zod question your intelligence. Or the writer’s.

Also on planet Earth in the country known as the United States of America, there is a game known as the Super Bowl, which right now would be playing this time of year. Have you heard of it and what are your views on this sport?

Zod watched the last Sup-Er Bowl, and was bored to tears. He also almost got up at halftime to go and find whoever made the advertisement about corn and beer and eye lasered him, but he was too busy waiting for a Spongebob reference that never came.


Zod thinks football would be a fantastic sport if the people involved simply removed their pads and ran into each other. And were super-powered. And did not take long breaks and instead played full games without pause like soccer or Rugby. And weren’t sponsored by corporate entities. And really almost anything but what it presently is.

In the movie Star Trek 2 the wrath of Khan, the main antagonist (Khan) has a look similar to your own. Have you seen this film, and what do you think of his fashion sense?

Zod has seen the film many times, and used it to learn how not to kill Captain Kirk. Zod greatly admires Khan. Khan has many similar goals to Zod, similar luscious chest hair, and he also grows more and more attractive the louder he gets. Zod and Khan could be like brothers.

Fun fact: Zod actually dyed his hair and put on prosthetic makeup so he could look like Malcolm McDowell, snuck onto the set of Generations, and played the role of Soran just for the privilege of symbolically avenging his brother-in-arms Kahn.

Do you think that Khan took inspiration from you?

Zod believes it more likely that great villains simply share the qualities Zod has.

If you and Khan were to meet, would he be your ally or your foe?

Khan would definitely be Zod’s ally. In fact, had Kirk not killed Zod, Zod believes he might have run for president with Khan in the year 2000.

Do you think that his leadership would rival your own? Who has the superior intellect?

Here is where Zod clearly breaks from Khan. His leadership does not rival my own, for he has been killed, and Zod survives, presently ruling the world in secret. As for the superior intellect? The world may never know, but Zod believes the survivor has the fittest mind, in this case.

I almost forgot to ask you, what are your thoughts on the Star Wars character known as Darth Vader?

Ah, Lord Vader. A seemingly brilliant, evil man, if one looks at the numbers. Millions, maybe billions killed. The end of an entire religion. A powerhouse of destruction using only the power of his mind. Had he survived, he might have provided a good challenge. And yet, he did not, because in the end, the pathetic, simple love for his son undid him and left him electrified and dead. Unlike Khan, who clung to his vision to the very end, Vader let one person, the last in a long line of dead people, stand in the way of ultimate power.

Had Zod been in Vader’s place, and wanted to have his son work with him to take over the galaxy, he would have used the Emperor’s biggest weakness against him. Zod would have used the Force to float some Werther’s Originals over the pit at the beginning of the fight, and then, after the Emperor fell into the shaft attempting to get to his caramel reward, Zod would enact his final plan. Sit Luke down, make him read Atlas Shrugged, and then, seven hundred hours later, Luke, a young white man with a persecution complex, would realize that he was in fact owed the galaxy and to hell with everyone else. Checkmate, Rebellion.

Point Zod.


Until next week, follow me on the Tweeters and send me your questions, or die in lava.

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    February 8, 2019 8:04 pm

    General Zod,

    If you could change anything in Man of Steel, Batman v Superman, and Justice League, what would it be and why?

    Do you have any suggestions for the Supergirl show?

    Did you see the animated death of Superman movie and the animated reign of the Supermen movie? If so what did you think of these films?

    Thank you for your time General.
    The Superman fan who was formerly known as Spidey2878 but now goes by the name Superman2878.