Thank Zod It’s Friday! – December 7, 2018 Edition

Foolish cattle, it is I, General Zod, here to deal with your epistolary treachery.

Let us begin.

General Zod,
I’ve heard of a name called Black Zero. Have you ever come across a such a person or group, and if so,what are they like?

Zod is aware of Black Zero, as relates to the fictionalization of Krypton. He briefly researched using something similar to destabilize Planet Houston, in the middle eighties, before Ronald Reagan inadvertently did the job for Zod aptly and allowed me some reprieve.

Zod refers to the planet-destroying weapon, as opposed to the organization or the foe of the son-of-our-jailer-boy’s enemy.

Zod finds it confusing and self-defeating, the way the comics try to continually reimagine ideas that have worked successfully. One would think they would realize the diminishing returns on such an endeavor, but this serves Zod, as does all things, to water down his threat, that he may strike from the shadows.

I also heard that comic book writer Bandis will be working on Superman’s comic, and from what I can tell from the cover art of one of the upcoming issues, he’s changed the look of Superman’s son Superboy drastically. So much so that he went from looking like he was ten to looking like he is sixteen in a matter of a short period of time.

Who is this Bandis? Come to me, Bandis! I defy you! Come and kneel before Zod!

Anyone who would work on the comic of the son of our jailer deserves a taste of eye lasers.

Zod must admit confusion as to whether you mean the son of the son of our jailer, or the boy who is the clone of the son of our jailer. The son of the son of our jailer and the boy that is the clone of the son of our jailer are two distinct sons of our jailer.

Assuming you mean the son of the son of our jailer and not the clone of the son of our jailer, Zod would point out that interpretations of age can be quite deceptive, and just because they are deceptive, doesn’t mean they are innaccurate.

For example, seeing that Zod himself had a full and masculine beard and chest hair at the age of seven, one might assume him twenty-one, and try and serve Zod a Firefalls age below the legal minimum, and want to share a fine cigar.

Perhaps the son of the son of our jailer or the clone of the son of our jailer is merely tall for their age.

From what I could tell from the cover art, I don’t think that I’m going to like where they might be going with this story,but what are your thoughts on this General?

Zod, on general principle, admires any storyteller who slows down the pace of the son of our jailer, and it is clear that this Bandis is a decompressed storyteller, which means Zod has more time between completed stories, which gives Zod more time to scheme.

However, this Bandis, according to what I have heard of him, if he is who these fools have mistakenly misspelled as BENDIS, is pretty widely regarded by mortals of Houston as a fine writer, with a proven history. Said fools also encourage others to wait before judgment.

This is not the way of Zod, however, nor the way of the internet, so Zod cares not.

Lastly, the upcoming DC yearly television crossover event will have a story where reality will be rewritten by a villain known as monitor and warped reality to the point where heroes switch lives with one another and Superman appears to have become evil. I say appears because I’m not convinced that that’s really Superman but rather a villain who has taken the form and powers of the son of Jor-el.

Zod is very confused, because he has not viewed these telling visions yet, but he did see a Gorilla break into a dorm room and threaten Barack Obama, and on the tweeter. Zod commands someone to tell him if this is part of these stories.

Otherwise, Zod approves of this tactic, that of dressing up as your enemy in order to defeat them. It is wise to appear to be something the exact opposite of what you are in order to overcome the prejudices and foolishness of the people you are speaking too. Stephen Colb-Er, for instance, has convinced everyone he is a funny and benign kind late night talk show host, when Zod knows the real truth, he is a wise right-wing pundit in disguise. He has seen the videos, sheeple.

What are your thoughts on reality being rewritten, heroes switching lives with one another, the villain monitor and a dark version of Superman?

Zod has already written reality, many times. He approves of Zod doing it. Anyone else doing it will die, as they deserve to.

Zod also approves of Freaky Friday as a character device, though he finds it a bit disturbing, the consistent retelling of a story that puts a mature person in an infantile body. There is something strange there, and Zod dares not scratch more of the patina off, lest he reveal something more creepy than Non’s belly lint.

The villain Monitor is a trifling fool. Come to me, villain Monitor! I defy you! Come and kneel before Zod!

As for the dark version of Superman, Zod will await the result of his machinations before destroying him, as he does every other challenge.

And also what are your opinions on reality and the space time continuum changing where it affects a timeline?

Zod once hit someone so hard they woke up and their clothes were out of style. Does this count?

Thank you for your time General.

Very well.

What do you think about the multiverse?

Zod likes its versatility. It allows Zod to test ideas. Bop over to the next world over, see how a thing works, bop back, and even if a world has been destroyed, no harm done to his chosen home. Further, if his chosen home is damaged in some way, the next home is one jump over. It’s quite handy.

NOW. As we near this so-called Christing Mass, Zod demands that you give him a gift, the gift of a question that will challenge him in any way. BOW, mortals. Bring me my questions. And Frankin-Sense. And Mur. Zod will also take cash donations. Contact Zod via the email above, and you will be assured extra time when Zod immolates the world in the torture pens.

If not, well, burn. Eye lasers. As you like.



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    December 6, 2018 12:02 pm

    General Zod, I wasn’t sure on where to send my questions, so I’m posting them in the comments as well as sending you an e-mail. As I said in the E-mail, there is a fan made video on the website known as youtube for a company known as Zod’s kitchens.Here is the link to the video. what are your views on this video? Also what are your views on the holiday beverage known as Eggnog? Lastly if an immoveable object were to meet an unstoppable force, what would happen? Thank you again general for your time in reading my… Read more »