Here we are again. Time for the next to last review of the season, as the next to last show has finished.

And alas, despite having the elements of a finale, the burdens of character movement, the scent of change, we have what, all in all, feels like a mid-season slump show of the worst kind. Why? The usual. Inconsistencies, a freak, Lana centrism, and bad editing.

Shall I explain? Well, that's what you're here for, right?

We start with Lex giving Lana a ticket. That's nice. Goodbye, Lana.

Then we have a scene where Lex chastises Clark for what he's doing to Lana.

I despised this scene.

There are two ways to look at it. First, Lex has caught on to the fact that Clark has a secret (he's known something was up since the first episode, so this isn't too likely) and is taking out the fact that he has a secret and has kept it from Lana and Lex out on Clark.

Or there's the way I look at it. Lex has been the first friend to Clark when it comes to getting Lana. Setting up parties, granting favors, encouraging the wimp to talk to her... Why's he suddenly going to turn on Clark and blame him for Lana leaving? Particularly when it goes counter to motive. Last episode, Lex was kind of cruel to Lana for leaving.

Here's the way I look at it. It's a game of the people who make the show to gloss over their own failures. We have a whole season of Clanas, but in one episode, the tone will change back to a loving relationship between Clark and Lana. We have an absent Pete, and then this episode they're best friends again just in time for Pete to go.

It's the same thing politicians do to gloss over their mistakes.

John Q. Leader says, "To make things better, we are instituting a fifty cent tax on every gopher you smash!"

So people start smashing gophers left and right, and get so caught up in the fun they don't realize they're being given quarters.

Lex is on Clark's side for the whole run of the show, a reinforcement, but there's also another reinforcement, that Lana is beautiful, wonderful, unfathomable, mysterious, epic, all of these things which, if you're not attracted to her, are easily seen through. And Lex, despite what is reinforced, doesn't buy her crap.

Now, instantly, he buys her crap, and because you bought the crap of the Lana beauty, mystery, etcetera, you see the quarter, you take it, because it's better than nothing even if you were promised fifty cents.

This is Lana centrism at work.

It's the first time, ironically, that I've hissed the villain on this show. Usually I support Lex. This is the first time his character, at least to my remembrance, has been horribly, horribly off, both in what I think it should be, and what has been established.

Okay. Emily Dinsmore is back. And guess what? She wants to be Lana's FRIEND! So much so, that she puts her in a box! I'll get to the box in a minute, oh lord, how I will get to that box, but first, let's examine memory here for a moment.

As in, the television writers assume we have none.

Last time we saw Emily, she was a cute little girl. Assume you buy the advanced aging schtick, stupid as it is. What was she doing the last time we saw her?

Anyone?

Anyone?

Bueller?

That's right, she was MURDERING LANA LANG BECAUSE SHE HATED HER.

Yeah, see, when you're just nuts on a level and you're a kid with superpowers, and you're scorned by your best friend, Lana, you sometimes get suddenly violent (as so many do in this show) and try to kill people.

Complete with bad, arty bubble effects and CPR that makes no sense.

For me, Accelerate, the last Dinsmore episode, is among the worst of the series, perhaps second only to Velocity.

There are tons of villains who would be better for a repeat showing.

Morgan Edge.

Helen.

Desiree.

Even bug boy.

Not Emily Dinsmore. Lord God, please not Emily Dinsmore.

(Shakes fist at ceiling) THANKS! Now just put the razor blades in my corn flakes and I'm all set. Waddaya mean, I'm outta corn flakes?

But hey, it's just another reason to focus on Lana, as opposed to Clark, the real point of the show. Forget that? Some have.

And you bring this girl back, and in order to bring her character to sensical memory, you have her develop a new power for no apparent reason, and a power that we've ALREADY SEEN. In fact, only a few episodes ago. The ability to phase through solid matter. Without the BAMF, perhaps, but there nonetheless.

We were joking in the chat room about how she rips the guy's heart out and how that's yet another Indiana Jones similarity. I'm thinking of adding a "Indiana Jones Moment" category to the KO Count.

But it was cheesy. First off, she pulled out his heart and it was too small. We couldn't see it. What's the point of ripping a guy's heart out if you can't see it?

And hey, that's logic for you. Kill the guy who bought the Talon because Lana WANTED to be rid of it, and that will make her like you.

Especially since, oh, what, you've been LIVING IN A JAIL for a YEAR and have no way at all of knowing that Lana had sold the Talon, or for that matter, whether Lana had simply gotten ripped and eaten razor blade cornflakes.

It's also a nice little homage to the Return of Superman, when Superman puts his hand through Cyborg's chest...but was it intentional? I tend to think not.

Ah, Pete! You're... actually in an episode, for more than five minutes? And you're not Lana?

Put on the red shirt folks! See ya, Sam! Send a postcard.

I expected flames for taking my stand against this last week, on the theoretical base of the race involved, and on the simple Superman mythos stand. I received two negative emails, and my biggest email response to date, 67 letters in one week. Thank you all. It was hard to say things people might find controvertible, and it's really cool to me that I didn't get any crazed threats or anything like with the whole 1961 debacle last year.

So Pete's been knocked out... you all know that, from the knockout count, right? He's been knocked out five times, all related to Clark and his secret. His life's been in danger numerous times. Here's the official list: 107 By a hungry Jodi. 115 Clark gives Pete a "BE HEALED!". 203 Hit by Hamilton's flashlight. 211 Thrown into a locker by Tina Greer. 310 Punched by Nathan the Bewitched lip twitching Banshee rip-off.

Not punched around. Knocked the hell out. Like, as in, light's out. Most people are not knocked out once in their lifetime.

Anyway, to my point. Pete has been in dire situations much more horrible than an FBI agent (who is now on Clark's side, it is fair to note) smacking him around a bit.

So he cowers and runs away. Or rather, he's written out of the show. Good going, either way.

Cough cough. CRAP! Cough cough.

It has been brought to my attention that perhaps the reason Pete had to be written off of the show is because it was a mistake to miscast him in the first place. That Pete Ross is a different character entirely than he has been portrayed on this show. I think, in many respects, this is correct. This is not our traditional Pete Ross, to be sure. They took a risk, they made a decision, and they found the character untenable. I say this with confidence, because they can't use the excuse that Sam Jones wanted to leave (if indeed this is the case, I have no idea). Even if he did, there are other actors who would jump to take Pete's character. Black, white, albino midget. They took a risk, they did not have the cojones to follow through. They wrote Pete off of the show, and I find that cowardly, no matter how you originally viewed the casting, stunt or simply the best actor for the job. A Superman legend without Pete Ross in Smallville is a Batman comic without Alfred folding the laundry.

Shame.

I can say they should have gotten Pete right in the first place. I can say that perhaps it is better to have no Pete than a token Pete. Either way, the blame for this failure is being lobbed, now, and I want someone to stand up and take responsibility. The original intent of Lionel was a few shows, the fans liked him, so he stayed. The show is not set in stone. The failure of Pete is something that marks this show irrevocably.

It could very well be the shark. More on that as time adds perspective.

Pete said something memorable, however, bringing me on to the next subject.

To Clark, per Lana, "The whole yo-yo thing has got to stop."

At least someone said it. It's been what, 21 episodes of total Clark Lana forced drama now? It's gotten psychosomatic. Someone says Lana, I vomit.

This whole yo-yo thing has got to stop. I'm tired of writing about it.

Uncle Fester. Tee hee hee hee hee. Good one. Not as good as Old A-Head, but definitely funny. I'll have to use Uncle Fester in a Birthright review. What does that make Lana? Cousin Pink?

Now let's move on to the next indescribable inconsistency.

Say you're Lionel Luthor. You've lost a clone child with super powers, who can potentially destroy your empire.

You send either: A) a crack team of highly skilled assassin commandos trained to eat cyanide if someone even says, "Lionel", or you send:

B) her fretting dad that last time he went to take care of his daughter, got co-stabbed so well that I assumed in my review (incorrectly) that he was dead?

Lionel is going nutty. He chose B. But then, I don't think his character did. I think a bad writer did.

And don't worry. The dad really died this time, from a pulled out heart, because using the cheesy device once wasn't good enough for this particular team of scribes. Goooooooo whammy!

Now, don't get me wrong, I got nothing against young female entrepreneurs, but how come nobody looks twice when two seventeen year olds in a row buy the Talon and make it a coffee shop?

Ma Kent's got new hair.

The character of Martha, not the beauty that is Ma Kent, she had a flaw this episode.

Martha tells Clark, "When are you going to stop doing this to her?" about Lana.

Because he's, of course, the only person yo-yoing them, right? Et-hem. No. Lana's the one who's mad at the guy who saves her butt on a weekly basis because he withholds a secret that got Pete's butt kicked. Lana's the one with the string. Clark's the yo-yo.

But get this. Ma Kent berates Clark for doing "this", meaning making Lana sad, I would assume, and then he tells Ma Kent that he's going to do something so stop the "this" she mentions, tell her the secret.

And she disapproves. AWKWARD, bad writing, horrible scene.

Then we cut to a scene with Lana and Emily. Basically, thanks to Old Man Dinsmore, Lana has caught on to Emily being Emily, so Emily has decided to put Lana in a prison like her own in order to make her want to be her friend, despite the fact that Emily's character doesn't want to be Lana's friend, Emily tried to kill Lana last time she saw her. Sigh.

So now, I begin my rant, as promised, on the box. And I have to crack my knuckles on this one, because this is the biggest reason this episode gets such a low rating.

First off, Emily Dinsmore has the mental acuity of a psychopath, number one. And a psychopath that is, mentally, about 10. Maybe 11.

1) How many ten year olds do you know who can construct a basic structure out of Lego? Not many, right? How many ten year olds do you know who can, in short order, construct an ESCAPE PROOF, SHATTER PROOF GLASS, VENTILATED, FULLY FURNISHED KIDNAPPING HOUSE?

How the heck does someone who doesn't know anything but murder, super powers, and stuffed bunnies and the color pink construct a torture house?

2) The torture house had no bathroom. Maybe that's why she smashed the teacup on Dinsmore's head, because she had to use it as a POOTER! (That one's from Ben Bowman, in chat). Dan Wyke suggests that the ultimate excuse, Kryptonite, can be applied here. Lana's bladder is simply Kryptonite enhanced since Nicodemus.

3) Assuming this ten year old Ted Bundy had a PhD in carpentry, how the HECK does she secure a farm, a warehouse size barn, and poison gas if she has NO LEGAL STATUS, she's a FUGITIVE from the law, and she's KIDNAPPING SOMEONE?

We see where she keeps her bodies, so we know she only has two. Not the farmers who owned the farm.

4) If you're trying to KIDNAP someone, and you take care to make a concealed, hard to find and very secure kidnap pen, why in the world do you make it CLEAR? I WANT IT EXPLAINED TO ME!

5) Why is the bed a double bed? I'm not even going to comment on that, Steve will fire me from kingdom to Walla Walla, and rightfully so, if I commentate. But the double bed. tsk, tsk, tsk.

6) If you can throw a chair at it and it won't shatter, but it does WOBBLE, what does that say about CONTINUITY? See, if glass wobbles, that's pretty lame, easily broken...well, PLASTIC!

7) WHERE does she get the materials to make this shelter? Who has shatter proof glass in such quantities in a small town? How did Emily get the locks into it? How did she cut it, prepare it, where did she get the tools to put it together?

Grrrrrrr...we are NOT stupid here! We do NOT care to be treated like we're imbeciles.

I did get one laugh out of it. In chat, Dan Wyke, a friend, said that he was thinking, "It puts the Noxzema onto its face or it gets the hose!"

That about knocked me out of my chair laughing.

Clark was vehemently not of interest to the FBI in Legacy. Now, thanks to Lionel, he is of interest. Since when does the FBI answer to Luthor, particularly when they're working with Lex? I know, that one guy was corrupt, but then, you'd think he'd stay corrupt, right, and not go after Lionel? I mean, knowing what Lionel could do? Guess I missed the deleted scene where he developed a conscience and lost his common sense.

Clark and Pa have a heart to heart about Lana and telling her. Clark says, "I've given Lana so many reasons not to trust me."

Like what, your heroics? The times you've saved her life? The times you've put up with her awful crap? I've said it already, too many times, you either know it or deny it. The point being, they're trying to make things that never happened in our heads so they can justify Lana's behavior. I have a memory. I will not be snowed.

Lana's intelligent, too. Check this out.

Emily says, "You're leaving! We won't be friends" (or the like).

Lana's response? "You could write me!"

Okay. Here's some Ghostbusters logic: When someone asks you if you're a God, you say:

YES!

So if you're in the realm of a psychopath who only wants you to be her friend and stay in Smallville, what do you say?

YES!

But Lana says, "Well, we could write."

I literally thought, her character should be killed for saying that. But then, we'll elaborate on that further in a moment. Lana should be dead, at any rate, and not because I don't like her.

Well, we have Clark and Lex being catty again, for the third episode. It's one of the only well handled things in this episode. It lasts less than five minutes, and it's quite chilly. If they could replace the Clana with this, and replace the freaks with character development, the shark would swim away. Instead we have stunts and crummy arbitrary turns, like Pete leaving, Lana heading for Paris, and next week... well, that would be spoiling.

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!

I'll repeat my thought from above, and add an option:

Say you're Lionel Luthor. You've lost a clone child with super powers, who can potentially destroy your empire.

You send either: A) a crack team of highly skilled assassin commandos trained to eat cyanide if someone even says, "Lionel", or you send:

B) her fretting dad that last time he went to take care of his daughter, got co-stabbed so well that I assumed in my review (incorrectly) that he was dead?

OR

C) Chloe Sullivan, the least likely person to be able to help you at all.

Why? Because she's resourceful enough at 17 to beat out anyone that Lionel could hire? Or because they couldn't stand to have a show where she didn't make her pointless, token appearance before she too gets the Pete treatment in favor of more Lana?

I have more to say about Chloe, but it belongs later in the episode notes. Regardless, it is utterly retarded to suggest that Lionel would turn to Chloe for help about Emily. They have NO connection whatsoever. NONE.

It's just an excuse to use Chloe. Because of contractual obligation? Perhaps. But if so, why not elaborate on the burgeoning Pete romance, the fight they had last episode, or any number of developing things, instead of something that makes no coherent sense?

AXE IT!

So we cut to the next scene. Lana and Emily. Lana decides to grow a brain. Instead of using the fact that Emily is her friend, she hits the person that she knows has superpowers with a teapot and runs. Smart. Smart like a brick covered in thickness.

So Emily, naturally, gets ticked off, seeing as the teapot was full of, well, whatever. She stands before Lana and repeats the cliche we already experienced last episode with Emily. "You're not my friend any more! Time to die!"

Or the similar.

So what does Emily do? Well, she reaches right over like she did with the other guys she didn't like, and rips her heart out, covering her pink clothing in sweet sweet red blood. Bloooooood!

What? Oh, no, that's just what I saw.

She takes the time to bring Lana back to the insane prison that makes no sense, takes the time to rig up a gas to it that knocks people out but doesn't kill them fast enough to make them all the way dead, starts it, and watches.

Like Dr. Evil. "Prepare the overly elaborate and ineffective death."

And Clark arrives. Clark, again putting Lana through "this". Clark arrives to save her, busting through the shatter proof glass.

Now, get this. You're Lana. You've been knocked out for the second time in the last day, by gas, and here Clark has saved you. How? Well, he somehow broke through a pane of shatter proof glass. How? Well, who knows, right?

So Emily starts running, and Clark follows her. Instead of knocking her out the old fashioned way, by konking her on the head, he too joins the school of the overly elaborate, using his eye lasers (just in case Emily didn't know about them yet, because we all need to know about his powers, because they're secret, after all) to hit a water tower.

And though Emily has super powers, super speed, super strength, and can phase through walls, getting soaked makes her pass out.

Grrrrrrrr...

What a waste of a cool effect.

Ah, but it doesn't end there! Rewind yourself back to when you were Lana. You look to your left, and shatter proof glass is broken. You look up, and there's Clark, and you're already saying to yourself, "Why is he doing THIS to me again! How dare he! I'd better run away!", but look, folks! Look at this scene. Lana is looking STRAIGHT AT Clark, FULLY CONSCIOUS, and he bursts to super-speed.

There is no whups for that one. This one cannot be explained away. She is staring STRAIGHT AT HIM.

And then, to your right, a water tower explodes, Emily (super powered Emily) is suddenly unconscious, and Clark is just standing there.

Well, this is the single worst example of keeping your ducks in a row of the whole series. The single WORST, most OBVIOUS time Clark has made his powers apparent in front of other people next to the time in Crisis when he jumped to super speed in a room full of counselors. It's just AWFUL, how easy that would have been to avoid, as a writer, as a director, as the director of cinematography.

But it gets worse.

The next scene we see, Pete is being punched around by the FBI officer who was sent to question him by Lionel. Torture is not requested, and all of a sudden Pete is getting beaten around. It's like Han Solo in Empire. "He didn't even ask any questions!" And there are a few token questions, but they're not very interrogative, more just an excuse to continue beating.

But that's okay, because for the second time in two weeks, Lex Luthor magically appears out of nowhere with no way to know how to get to where Pete is and saves him. Because the FBI goon, who worked with Lex but somehow magically started working for Lionel, of COURSE listens to Lex. Doesn't tell him to shove off, knowing that his father is the one cutting him a check.

GAAAAAAAAAAH!

It physically pains me to see something so awful.

So Chloe goes to speak with Lex. She tells him about his family, finally.

Now here's where I go off on Chloe. Not the character, but the way that the writers think us so ignorant that we notice nothing. First off, Chloe has known about Lionel's secret for some time. And she just, what, sits on it? Because her father lost her job? Well, that's just aces, especially when Lex would take Lionel down, and either way, her father is already blacklisted. I don't buy it.

And Clark. Clark knows, but Clark doesn't tell Lex either. Even though telling Lex would, what, END his desire to find his missing memories, which includes Clark's secret? Really smart.

And the device that finally makes her come to Lex? The realization that though a phone message that got deleted TWO EPISODES AGO (real time?) can be un-deleted, something that I'm not sure is actually possible. (I know you can recover FRAGMENTS of data that's been deleted, but anyone who purposefully deleted that phone call would format the source of the data, right, and really kill the information?).

And then, to add insult to insult to insult, we have a Clana.

A Clana where Clark half kisses Lana, refuses to do what he's spent all episode building up to, and then sends her off without any real development, JUST ANOTHER STUPID, PUERILE, WASTED, INSIGNIFICANT FIVE MINUTES OF MY LIVES I'VE COME TO KNOW AS THE CLANA!

Et-hem. Excuse me while I change my drawers.

And hey! Hey, get this! Not only is all of that ACTUALLY in the episode (I made none of this up), but Emily Dinsmore is then revealed to be ALIVE, and AT LARGE. She knows Clark's secret, she hates him and Lana, she rips people's hearts out, but she's just gonna, what, BIDE HER TIME with her TEN YEAR OLD level of patience!

Check, please.

So they arrest Lionel, the other redeeming two minutes of this show. It's a beautiful, well written scene with top-notch dialogue and both characters at the top of their game. Judas hung himself with his own rope... priceless. I couldn't believe what I was seeing after such an insane crapfest. Crapfest is like Oktoberfest, except Lana serves steaming mugs of... something else in pink glasses.

But EVEN THIS, EVEN THIS does not escape scrutiny, the horrors of this show.

The FBI men, in a ridiculous gesture beyond comprehension, do not enter the room until Lex has finished his monologue. CHEESE!

And at the end of all of this, we are left with the idea that Pete is gone and Lionel is gone, and Lana is on her way, leaving two major principal characters. Lex and Chloe. Clark is THE principal character. That leaves, aside from the Kents, 3 characters. Hmmm...wonder if we should take this Lana leaving story seriously?

I don't. Not at all.

And not only all of this, not ONLY all of this, but we have suffered the wrath of YET ANOTHER misleading preview! Last week, we saw the first preview of Clark flying off with Grace/Kara, and this week, NOTHING. That's stupid! If you're going to show us something and have it say, "NEXT WEEK!" make it NEXT WEEK!

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Hulk smash!

I have to admit. The scene with Lionel's comeuppance, and the scene with Lex and Clark going back and forth, they were worthwhile. And there is a resolution here, with Lionel. But in no possible way can these simple things combat the astonishing horror that was the inconsistent, infantile motivated, continuity spurning, all around failure of an episode called Forsaken.

Al, Al, why have you Forsaken me? Why, with this horrible episode?

And with that, he expired.

1 of 5.

SUPER-SHORT REVIEW:

Little girls can't build complex structures, a wasted SFX is a terrible thing, it's tragic that Pete Ross has gone no matter what the reason, the shark is circling, Lionel is in jail but only on a perfect cue, and for some reason we are forsaken with the memory of Emily Dinsmore. 1 of 5.

BUSINESS:

Well, I am floored. I got hit with 67 letters last week, and despite my better efforts, I only got to 40 of the letters. That means this business lacks 27 people's worth of info. Not to say it is light, not at all, but if you sent something, I am not ignoring you... I'm just doing all that is humanly possible with a novel on the way and the best review I can write on your desktops.

The novel I am writing is now one day of hard work away from having a complete second draft. I have received a number of folks willing to help me edit the thing, but I am now upping the ante. Anyone who helps and reads the book before I have to send it out (June 30, with a send-out date of next weekish) will have a place in the acknowledgement if it gets published. Names in lights! Jump on it!

Email me if you're interested.

Eric Sherman writes me an inconsistency in the Naman/Zegeeth prophecy. Lex Luthor touches the knife, and it crumbles. But then, why would Lex's touch destroy Kryptonian metal? This provides a piece of evidence to those who believe that the knife was NOT Kryptonian metal.

Stephen Gentry points out several errors.

It's Central Kansas A&M, not Kansas Central.

Clark took the old man to the ground to protect him, then rolled over to find Jeremiah, in the scene where I criticized Clark for ducking.

Stephen thinks Clark assumes it's Kryptonian metal because Clark knows Lionel had the key, Clark saw Lionel seeing the knife and knowing what the metal looked like, and therefore assumed.

Stephen also was the first to notice that Clark's birthday scene (which would have fixed a lot of plot holes, like Lex suddenly appearing at Jeremiah's sacrifice pit) was deleted.

We also missed Lana getting choked... (snaps hands in "aw shucks" gesture).

Stephen points out that in Duplicity, Lex tells us that Hamilton's staff quit, that's why we have no Cadmus.

He theorizes that the reason Chloe can be poor and have a cell phone is that it is often cheaper to keep paying the monthly bill instead of paying the termination fee, and the plan could be as low as 20 bucks.

Me? I've never owned a cell phone, and I don't even like touching the stupid things. So I'm ignorant about the billing setup. I just know I've had a bunch of friends trying to be hip who screwed their credit to get one, so I know it takes money or planned finance or both.

I just don't see why it's necessary beyond career to be in touch with folks beyond the phone at home. I'll be like a dinosaur still using a typewriter in five years, but it's like with Bukowski. It's not that I don't like people, I just feel better when they're not around, and I get called enough in life. A phone that could reach me anywhere would just add to that.

Maybe some of you could theorize as to why a cell phone makes sense, and that could make good business. :) And I mean beyond career needs, acourse. Just personally.

Jeremy Robinson heard a weak version of the Superman theme when they lowered Clark into the water. I missed it, alas.

Aaron Morris wrote me twice to indicate that Chloe had been knocked out twice in Truth. I didn't believe it, even though I watched the scene myself twice. I then noted that yes, she does go down, close her eyes, and not move. It is brief, but there is a cut before she gets up, and the time in between could be any length of time, so I'm going to count that as a KO. Sorry it took so long, Aaron. You were very patient.

Old buddy Felix Vasquez writes in about the symbolism of Talisman. When Jonathan tears open Clark's shirt, it's just like the classic Superman pose with the S shield, to add to the scene with the cape-like blanket. Good one.

SUBMISSION OF THE WEEK: (paraphrased from about 20 letters)

Neal, Jonathan didn't call an ambulance because if he had, Clark would have had his secret compromised! It makes sense to try and stop the bleeding himself first!

You come home, your son is bleeding out on the rug, he's got a stab wound that's killing him, you call an ambulance, you don't start country doc time, not for "THE SECRET". Jonathan's personal wrong is what I'm attacking here, not the fact that the story's secret is preserved. And honestly, if they were worried about Clark's secret identity, they'd tell him to stop using his powers in front of people. ;)

Andy wrote in the day I wrote last week's review, and has the ESP submission of the week. Right as I was coming up with the new category about times someone sneaks up on a guy with super-hearing, he pointed out how odd it was that people could do so, and he even added an entry... the old Native American man does it, too!

And I can't believe I didn't see it, but Andy also saw something I should have.

I must preface this. I'm a BIG He-Man geek. BIG. In fact, I still collect He-Man figures. I'd knock out YOUR grandma for a Keldor. Seriously. Twice. And if any of you want to send me a Keldor, I will give you my firstborn. Better than that. I will give you first dedication in my new book. But anyway, the point is, I love He-Man. I really do.

So Andy pointed out that when Jeremiah held aloft the Kryptonian sword, he didn't say "I have the power!" but he did gain powers, and it was a neo-He-Man moment.

Matt B writes in and notes that Jeremiah got the hang of heat vision too quickly, whereas Clark had to practice. Which makes Jeremiah a quick learner, a fluke of bad writing, or a horn-dog.

I think the horn-dog is the funniest option. He DID tie Lionel up.

Tasha notes that I made a boo boo when I said that Chloe calls Clark about the guy behind her. Clark called HER, and a psycho just happened to attack her. My mistake. We regret all errors. Except the ones Smallville makes, because that makes for funny critique.

Tasha also wonders why the heck Lionel wants another key when the wall is sealed. That is kind of weird, huh?

David Cooper reminds me that Wichita is not spelled Witchita. We regret any errrrrors. Except that last one. It's funny.

And note I didn't say accident, or I might not be around. Zing! Nah, I was planned. They just called me an accident as an excuse as I grew up. Zang!

We regret all bad humor.

Douglas Meacham also pointed out the missing birthday party, and the futility of another key. Meacham also wonders why Lionel didn't fabricate another Kryptonite key, seeing as the last one didn't get tested.

Scott R. Jones too noted the missing party scene.

Scott also commentates that they're sure picking a lot of actors who look like Clark recently. Jeremiah, Adam...

Matt I pointed out how fast Jeremiah got his heat vision as well. Matt also criticizes Clark's intelligence, as the legend goes that someone who is his friend will become his enemy, and when he touches the knife it will crumble. And then he is confused as to whether it's Lionel or Lex. That's cause he and Lionel were always such bosom chums, right?

Trev (Guru) suggests that the knife is Kryptonian AND 500 years old. Advance Kryptonian scouts came to Earth, and their work is what inspired Jor-El to choose Earth, he thinks.

Daryl Williams, verbatim:

"Yes Clark has super-hearing but it seems that past episodes make it clear that Clark has learned how to control this power quite well. At first when he was growing into this new power he heard everything and it was a huge annoyance. Now it seems like he can turn it on and off by concentrating on just the super-hearing. When he has a reason to use the power he does but the rest of the time he chooses to ignore it, just like the X-ray vision. When he needs to see through a wall he does but that's not the way he sees things all the time. So I believe it's quite possible to sneak up on Clark when he isn't expecting anyone to be around. His super-hearing isn't the same as Spiderman's "uh-oh-something-bad-is-about-to-happen'senses. But that's just my 2 cents."

I think Daryl has a good point. I simply like the idea of the column, just in case. Plus, it's funny. :)

Jim Nechleba says that Lionel had the knife tested (Lionel said in the show) and it was of the same composition, thus it HAS to be Kryptonian.

Jim also noted the birthday party's absence.

Bill Castonzo cleaned my clock. The man pointed out something that I did which was very sexist. I apologize for it in advance.

I assumed that since Chloe's father was out of work, her MOTHER was too. I shouldn't have made that assumption. Though women work less than men in the "salaried" sense (I'm not saying women don't work, I'm saying fewer have 9-5s), there is no reason for me to assume that because Chloe's dad lost work, Chloe's mom is stay at home. I apologize for this. It's like my review last week, we can only combat the sexism and racism that we ponder and are aware of, and I have committed a folly of which I am regretful. I apologize.

MOTA, just before the bell, suggested that Emily could have super-sped the glass in for the prison. Interesting theory.

Well, that's it for this week! Be sure to check out the KO Count, and I'll write all of you that I've missed very soon. Next week is the episode that decides it all! Will we jump the shark, or will the show come back from the brink. Don't take this show as an indicator, and be sure to go in with an open mind.

Thanks, all! Neal

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