REVIEW:

This is a case of the year of when I set myself too high standards for something, and it falls through. For instance, though I disagree with them (I liked it) a lot of people said that the Matrix sequels were horrible, they could never live up to the original, they're just trash compared to the first one.

I wouldn't go that far with Legacy, but I did find myself wishing for the things which made Rosetta a great view.

What were they? Let's chalk them off.

The music. John Williams music. I believe I heard a hint of the music in this episode, when Reeve first rolled in, but beyond that nothing.

Great personal revelations for Clark. Kal-El. Krypton. The language. The fact that he is an alien. What do we learn this episode? Maybe Swann is a butthead after all, and now he somehow magically has the key even though it was in the wall when we last saw it.

The introduction of the sigil of the House of El? Nope. This episode, the only recurring themes from Rosetta (and they are big ones, nonetheless) are the red, yellow and blue in the key, Clark in the cave, and Reeve. Reeve brings a lot, a LOT, but he can't carry a plot that is confusing.

And it was a confusing episode, in many ways.

Part of it is, again, the fault of the rather disturbing advertising gimmicks that the show has been using for the last year in an attempt to drag eyes to the show, and this is understandable, what with American Idol, but like spiking comic sales with "names", it's really cheap for the long term and devoted fans, such as myself.

We were expecting the sequel to Rosetta, and we get, well, an analogy.

Rosetta is to Legacy as Superman: The Movie is to Superman IV: The Quest For Peace. Do I have Superman IV on DVD? Yes. Yes, I do. And do I watch it once a year, when better, more important movies go by the wayside? Yes. Yes, I do. And why? Because it has some of the things I loved about the original movie. The actor, the characters, the basic gist, but things are just confusing, weird, and out there.

So let's hit the episode with the notes, shall we?

It starts out well. We have Pa Kent being stubborn old Pa Kent, hinting towards the future storyline (at least, in the movie) of the stress and antagonism that will lead to his heart attack, or at least his adverse relationship with many people around him, what Clark struggles to overcome.

Visceral reaction. My dad fell off a roof last year and broke his leg in a spiral fracture... I blame myself a good bit because I wasn't here to help him (I moved back to my hometown a few months back). So anyway, that's neither here nor there, but it made the moment stick out for me, meaning more.

We hit the same old LuthorCorp establishing shot (when are they gonna come up with a new one?) and there's Lionel, gun to his chin, ready to blow his brains out. No warning this time, though, which leads me to believe that the warning was indeed because Adam shoots Lana. God, the fetishizing of Lana Lang, per the words of other columnists... but I'll get there.

Bottom line, what, this many weeks later I'm still hacked we're not considered adult enough to be discerning about drama and furious, utterly furious of the continuing television, radio, and media witch hunt that is driving voices off the air in the land of the FREE SPEECH.

A-hem. And it's all Lana's fault.

That was a joke. No nasty emails, please.

I was reminded of the movie Breakfast of Champions, based upon the works of the amazing, great, introduce 8 bajillion praising adjectives HERE, smart Kurt Vonnegut Jr., writer of some of my favorite books and a great inspiration to my personal style. In Breakfast, the main character is going insane with the aesthetic of his own life, and keeps trying to kill himself, but things interrupt him.

It's like, man, if you're trying to kill yourself, and the phone rings, what do you care? I mean, you're killing yourself! The last thing I'd be thinking about is my company, or my cell phone. But then again, I don't have a cell phone, for just that reason... well, not that I'm trying to kill myself, but that the phone interrupts life enough.

It was a cheap end to the suicide gambit, I thought. I really did. Why not have his son come in, but really, I guess if it was someone calling to say that Swann was around and available to help him, I might have lowered the gun. But then, if there was a chance like that, why suicide in the first place? And why in the world does Lionel think that the CAVES would heal him, and not the mystery blood? And if he doesn't know it's Clark's blood, what does he think the cave will do? Didn't Lionel see that it put a guy in a coma? I'm sure he would have known.

The red, blue, and yellow on the key, though we've seen it before, still rocked the house. A very sweet effect, and I'm glad to see it. It's purty, and it also makes for good symbolism. Though how Lionel wouldn't have heard Clark shouting, I don't know. And how Lionel didn't hear Clark shouting to Jor-El is just beyond me...

The whole scene with Lionel and Clark was just superb. Great dialogue, wonderful interaction. If there's one thing in this episode which made it worthwhile, it was the dialogue. The acting comes in a close second... all of the actors were very on, but they had GREAT material to work with.

Okay, a Lex and Lionel scene, which is always good. Great dialogue, per my mention before, and CONTINUITY! The explosion at the Kent farm goes noticed! Amazing. And the things Clark has done making his secret most obvious to villains. Very cool. I did have objection to one line, which suggests ignorance on the writer's part or a purposeful deception. Lex says, quote, "That's your obsession, not mine." With regards to the cave and Clark. Okay, maybe. But Lionel is the steward to a historical landmark while Lex Luthor has a room full of circumstantial stuff about Clark Kent. Maybe there's something a little henky there.

Lex is back to the Brandy... tsk tsk. Lex, do you never learn your lesson? Or, more likely is the lesson FORGOTTEN! Ha ho!

So the FBI is listening to Clark and Lex, and they hear things that are obviously very compromising to Clark, via Lionel's accusers, and we're supposed to believe that they will just ignore this? I guess so. Maybe. I wouldn't, but then many people tell me to just lay off, people don't pay that much attention. Okay. I concede. They don't. I do, but most people don't. It still bugs me. I'm tempted to add them to people in the know, but I shan't.

Now, another continuity flaw. Pa Kent tells Clark that he's never going to have to face his own mortality, but how does Jonathan know this? I recall that in the handshake future guy story, Clark flirted with the notion, but it wasn't set in stone, and he did have that dream of all his friends and family being dead with Cassandra, but then, how would Jonathan leap to that conclusion?

And hey, we have a new kind of moment? There's the Chlark, the Clana, the Clex, the C-Pete (last seen when Clark dropped the ball and got all up in Pete's &$%$!), and now, folks, the Gollumathan. That's when Jonathan spends a moment with the key to the ship and looks at it lovingly, like, "My PRECIOUS!"

What I wouldn't pay to see Bo Duke eat a raw fish. Yee haw!

So Lex essentially loses a few months of his life, and then he proceeds along the exact same path that he would have proceeded along if time were rewound. All right, who let the philosopher into Determinism into the writing room?

The FBI goons mention Swann to Lex, and Lex appears to know Swann.

How?

My next note is my favorite for this episode: In a wheelchair the man is a great actor. And it's true. It's HARD to upstage Glover on a level playing field, much less in a wheelchair, and though his stay was brief, hats off to Reeve for making his moments in the episode sing.

The goons were really ambitious in their search. Good thing they were evil goons. But then, my question is this? Why bother faking a search warrant when you could just BS your way in saying you're using the National Security Powers of the PATRIOT Act?

Eh, never expect dumb goons to be THAT smart.

Another Clana at 8:25. You notice how they're starting to come more and more frequently, only a few more times each show, and briefly? Here, we have Clark go to the Talon to what, use the phone, and then Lana starts laying it on thick.

We have a situation where they were antagonistic towards each other for what, let's see, 17 episodes? Then Clark walks into the Talon after one conversation last episode indicating that Lana was going to be semi-normal, then we have the following. Clark says something about his father, Lana says, "You never have to apologize for opening up to me!" (which is patent BS, as her character's demand for apologies is the only thing which surpasses times she whines and references her parents).

Then they hold hands, and kiss, for no apparent reason, really, and which we later find out, according to dialogue, was Clark kissing her, not the other way around. We'll get to that.

I just wanted to say here, not counting the later apologies, I was considering adding a column to the KO Count called the Apology Tally. The times Clark has apologized to Lana for something that was not really his fault. There are MANY.

A kiss out of nowhere. Well, that's just crap. Excuse me, but it is. The promise of this show, the thing which made it so great in the beginning, was the cool characterization of Lana and Clark, and the way that they would invariably come together. Now we have two, not one, but TWO seasons where they get together, break up, get together, break up, and now it's so amazingly juvenile in its plotting that you can reinforce the breakup for seventeen episodes, then just have them arbitrarily kiss, and everything is cool. And likely, most of you weren't phased by this at all. But watching this show, writing notes, paying close attention, the romance is really just to play on us, to turn us about with fodder. And Lana's character gets away with it because all of the guys are in love with Kristen. Look at the way a suggestion of her naked body shot Nicodemus up the charts in the best of.

And then, as if this were not enough, we get treated to Lana's other great character trait (read: flaw) passive aggression.

"It's okay, Clark. Go. I'm fine. Go look for your Dad. No. Seriously. Everything's okay. I was just about to, you know, have a muffin, go clean out the espresso machine, and maybe put this window Adam broke back together. No! Really, I'm okay. Get out of here. I've gotta put aloe on my scars from the horse. Seriously. Get out of here."

"Are you sure, Lana? You look upset?"

"Well, ah, no, I'm really okay, you see! I'm all happy, inside and out."

"Oh! Well, good. Okay. I'm out of here, then. Take care, talk to you later."

Clark walks out the door, the camera pans, and aw, poor thing, Lana's crying.

Stupid tart. BE HONEST! And hey, I've been shouting that at the screen since well before Rosetta. And it's not like I can just say, oh, it's part of her character. It's just so numbingly awful to see again and again that it jades the whole show for me. PLEASE, for the love of PETE (who we never see), AXE this CRAP!

Jonathan ranting and raving about driving Clark away, what's the deal with that? Guy's a little hard on himself, isn't he, saying he's not a good dad? I mean, the boy's made it to 17, and he's an alien! And heck, that whole "Getting angry about killing my unborn baby" thing? Well, maybe that was a little justified, do you think? I mean, I love my Dad, but if I was with my hypothetical pregnant wife and my Dad's lawnmower, which he equipped with atomic fusion to make it cut faster (whatever) blew up and sent my baby off to the great beyond, we'd have some SERIOUS words. And if he ran off because I was so angry, that'd probably be on him.

My opinion.

So here's a question. There are spoilers all over the place, but this is not one of them, this is just speculation. Is Pa Kent suiting up for a red shirt? Meaning, he's getting a LOT more characterization than he used to, in particular now, towards the end of the season. Does this mean he's about to bite it? Hmmmmmm. Could be.

Oh, and then poor Lana goes running to Lex. Boo hoo.

"Uh, Lana, you're not paying attention to the bills. What's up?"

"Lex, I... I have this friend, you know, this friend?"

"What are you babbling about, Neutrogena?"

"Well, you know, I have this thing, it's like... " Eyes start to tear up.

"Lana, what's going on? You're acting like you always do, but that's pretty weird."

"Well, Lex, I want to believe that someone can change..."

"Oh! You're babbling about Clark again!"

"BWAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"

And then she blows snot all over Lex's office and runs off.

Paraphrased.

She says, "I want to believe that someone can change." Like Clark... who as we all know, is just an insensitive bung, right? A guy totally in need of change. He has this horrid ability to be honest and sensitive and save everyone's life, and not tell them things which might get them killed. What a Snidely Whiplash.

And then she says, "He kissed me."

Well, okay, if you want to believe you weren't part of that kiss, go right ahead, babe, but I've spent enough of my review time babbling about your passive aggressive nonsense.

For now.

Well now, no, wait a minute, I wish that was the end of it, but here's another note.

Lex, after she says, "He kissed me." Says, "Well, isn't that what you wanted?"

(A patently obvious yes, given episodes past.)

She replies, "I don't know."

Maybe she doesn't want to look like a trollop.

BULL! Axe it!

And hey, that's the main problem here, and my next note. Oh, boy, oh goodie, an episode with Dr. Swann that's ALL ABOUT LANA.

Go fetishists.

Smooth move with the key and Jonathan, but that one was obvious, easy to see. I mean, the whole Gollumathan thing. I'm amazed Clark was able to pry it away to take it to the caves.

I wonder if I am allowed to comment on Lex and the German guys he was speaking fluently with... is it too far down the historical line to compare a future megalomaniac despot with the German language and history with the Nazis? If the connection is there, or if it is not, it still stirred a cold coal in my heart and made me look twice.

Now here's another great and glaring error in the episode. Clark follows Lex to the FBI headquarters. And how?

Well, the layman can come up with two explanations. First, he followed Lex. This fails, because if he did, why did he wait for Lex to have a nice little conversation before confronting him? Especially when there was no real reason for him to follow him in the first place. And even if he did, why arrive at superspeed? That would indicate something tipped him off, and if something had tipped him off, then the wire and the conversation wouldn't have surprised him. The scene played awkward and jilted. And nonetheless, here again are a series of FBI folk that would likely know Clark's secret if they thought about it, because how did he follow Lex otherwise? And wouldn't Lex be wondering the same thing? How does a guy on foot catch Lex's car AND track him to FBI central. Well, let's just assume the viewers aren't paying attention.

But we do, Neal! Yes I know, guys.

The only good thing about that is further, very conclusive proof that Clark already has telescopic vision, which he uses very obviously here, and the ear cam without the inner ear, which works really well for me. It's distinctive without being gut churning.

Clark goes to meet Swann, and he starts yelling at him. Reeve takes it well, acts along with it, and then, for seemingly no real reason, reveals something he's been hiding from Clark. And why's he been hiding it from Clark? Who knows? He said it's because Clark's been immature, and that's true, but then, what is the cryptic line he mentions going to do to Clark either way, other than make him puzzle in idle moments, as with a crossword puzzle:

I am waiting.

Okay. What the heck does that mean? Jor-El is waiting for the bus, figures he'll email his son in the future? Maybe later that will make sense, but now it just seems kind of, well, anti-climactic in a Swann episode.

SPOILERS IN THIS PARAGRAPH. We've heard rumors from varying sites that Supergirl is on the way. Is she what is waiting? Well, that seems just odd to me, and I'm tending to believe Supergirl is a Bruce Wayne type rumor. It could be Jor-El, waiting to inhabit Jonathan's body. It could be Jor-El, waiting to kill Jonathan. It could be Jor-El, waiting to have Jonathan take Clark to him for education of some sort.

My guess is that it's the beginning of a larger message. A diary, perhaps. "I am waiting for the end to come, my son, and I now realize that I will never see you again." Or something to that nature. A semantic trick.

But either way, it's unresolved, kind of odd, and in an episode filled with inconsistency, kind of lame.

And what's even more lame is that Swann, in his foyer, would have stairs that didn't have a wheelchair lift.

And what's even more lame than that is the fact that Swann has a top secret Kryptonian translator built into his main entrance hall. He's sure doing a lot to protect Clark's secret, now, isn't he?

Why didn't Lionel just illegally search Swann's place? I mean, it's cruel to say, but what could Swann do? And Swann was the one with the information.

Now, I harped on how cool continuity was earlier, but then here we have a prime example of stupidity, a lesson learned previously. Pa Kent, last episode, got knocked out and nearly got Lana killed because he rushed into a situation with a gun, which the attacker then took and turned on him. Now, this episode, Pa Kent not only does the same thing, he does it in a room full of people with guns.

Now here's where TV differs from real life. On TV, a guy with a gun threatens a group of heavily armed goons, they just filter out until the action ends. In real life, they pull their weapons when the guy isn't looking, then blow him to the afterlife.

But you gotta love the phrase Kents with Guns. I'm patenting it, and I want a quarter anytime anyone says it.

And hey, I'm almost willing to look over that horrible setup for the result... Pa Kent vs. Lionel Luthor, mano-e-mano, round one. Of course, Luthor's got the good verbal quips, being the brain villain, and he lands some SCORCHERS! (I mean, the dialogue is just CONSISTENTLY good here) Then, of course, Bo knocks him Spanish and starts kicking his little key around.

"Yee haw!"

And Lionel's all like, "Que?"

And Jonathan's all like, "Shut up, richie!" SMACK!

And Lionel's like, "Dude, yo estoy arrecho contigo!"

And it was cool. Or maybe I just hit the Spanish button on the remote. But anyway.

And of course, despite the fact that Luthor would have covered up the goons that searched the Kent house in a second and made them all disappear, nonetheless, Kent manages to bargain out of assault with a deadly weapon through an empty threat. Okay.

If I were a goon, I'd demand hazard pay.

So here's the question... why did the disc light up and seal the hole? My theory? It was protecting Jonathan. It protects Kal-El, and Jonathan's important to Clark, thusly the hole got plugged, stopping Lionel, and the key stopped the fight.

And hey, then we hit 8:50.

Ah, yes, Lana drives up, gets out, then walks right past Clark, ignoring him. Very nice. I shouted the expletive for a female dog at the screen, it was so cold. And then what happens? Clark starts apologizing for his behavior. And oh, he has so much to apologize for, being attracted to her, wanting to be around her, saving her life. What a bung.

Clark has a nice little snippet of dialogue. But I think he should have shouted it.

"How many time have we been standing here avoiding what we both want?"

Indeed. The viewers ask the same question, and doing so during what was supposed to be an improvement on Rosetta, that's just, that's just tragic.

Lana wants to get out of Smallville, see new things? GOOD! GO!

AND DON'T SEND A POSTCARD!

Swann has the key? And this is... how? Why? Does this mean Reeve will be back? Does this mean the key will only show up once a year?

And to top it all off, we don't get any of the part that made so many of us cry with the first Rosetta, the music. I really have to harp on that again, because it meant so very much to me.

As a follow up to Rosetta, this failed. Not in the acting, not in Reeve, not in the dialogue, but in the plot, in the character's motivations and actions, and in the many, glaring, obvious, easy to fix inconsistencies that plague almost every episode now.

No freak. No kryptonite. That's good.

Something that moves the characters forward? I'll say.

So on one hand, it's total bull. On the other hand, there are a lot of good things beneath the bull. The dilemma of the viewer is to have to sift, and if I have to sift, it brings down the experience.

So yes, folks, I'm giving the Lana version of the Swann episode 3 of 5. Maybe 3.5, if you count the idea of Lana leaving, which I do.

3.5 of 5.

AND NOW, THE SUPER SHORT REVIEW FOR THE IMPATIENT:

Well, Dr. Swann's back, but it's overshadowed by a number of restrictive and holed plot elements and Lana's perpetual whining. Lionel doesn't kill himself, Lex is working with the FBI and somehow Clark magically knows. Pete and Chloe are both AWOL, no big surprise, and Pa Kent's talking about someone who's waiting for something from Krypton, much like we on Earth are waiting for this whole mess to make sense. But a Swann's a Swan, a beautiful thing, and long live Reeve, who takes a 1 episode to a 3.5, with the idea of Lana leaving.

BUSINESS:

Wow. One heck of a break, folks.

Let me list the things that happened.

First, I got to do an interview with Ed McGuinness, which was just super-cool. He's a great guy. You can find that on the site. THEN, I got to go and interview, in person, the new Adventures of Superman team of Rucka and Clark. That interview is coming soon, so be sure to watch for it, but man, what an experience!

THEN, and this was probably one of the cooler things to happen to me in my life, I got a letter from an editor asking to see the full manuscript of my novel. So I kicked into overdrive about ten days ago, and now, 40,000 words, 90 pages, and many sleepless nights later, I sit with the first draft of my fourth novel, a 240 page monstrosity.

Why does this concern you? Well, simple. Since this is the first time I've had a novel solicited, I need help. Let me put it this way. When you send out novel submissions, as I have about, say, 80 unsuccessful times, the odds of getting someone to ask you for three chapters are phenomenally low without an agent. It's happened to me once. Now I have an editor who has interacted with me, is willing to work with me, at least so far, and he seems to like the first three chapters of my book. I need to farm out this book to as many people as I can for criticism (and I mean HARSH, it's your chance to tear me up) and corrections. I plan on pulling a couple eight drafts before I send it off, so it may be a few weeks, assuredly, but if you're interested, email me or see www.nealbailey.com, which will offer regular updates.

And a special thanks to Steve for letting me mention that, because it's not exactly Smallville related, but I figured, given that I have such a good email relationship with you guys, you might not object to such a cattle call, and I honestly think I might get a few takers.

Now on to speculation, rumination, and the pacification of my erroneous errata.

Toby Wilson has a good one. Clark has apparently suffered long term red kryptonite problems, namely that he's become the Fonz. In Resurrection, Clark hits the soda machine and makes a soda come out for Garrett. He may be seen to soon shout, "Yo, Cunningham!". Set your VCRs. Or DVRs, like me.

JB postulates that the imprisonment of Alicia is a strange and difficult potentiality. How would one do it, and wouldn't the police have to concede that she has strange powers?

JB also points out that the Helicopter with Clark, though a cheap dig, violates the "no flights" policy. Note the KO Count for that.

And he also notes that though Clark is afraid of heights, he seems perfectly cool with the helicopter ride. Guess he got over it with Insurrection, right?

Further, JB points out the difficulty in realizing Clark's speed. There are two options. He can either move at subsonic speeds, or he can't. But if he can't, the bomb Garret had would have blown up, and he would have been noticeable in the lab with the good doctor and Lex.

My theory? He CAN move faster than the speed of sound, quite obviously, and he can do it with ease. The problem? When he did so, with the bomb and with the vial, there would have been a very deafening sonic boom, which was lacking. As with the bullet catching dance he did with Lana last episode.

And though it's a dead horse, I'm still confused and getting email about that element that reacts violently with water. Jocelyn writes in and notes that the elements which react in explosive fashion with water are the Alkali metals, Group 1 elements like Lithium, Sodium, Potassium, and etc. I do believe, having read that, that I was thinking of POTASSIUM. Hope that solves it, once and for all, because my head hurts. Thank you, Jocelyn. Another bit of interesting trivia from her? The flames from the elements are different colored...

Rob Adams, long time writer and a good friend, points out that Clark could have saved Garret from the sniper. Why didn't he?

Chris and Alicia write in about a comment I cited from Chris last review, the idea that Chloe would be extremely popular, being as beautiful as she is, geekiness aside. Turns out ALICIA made the comment, and Chris typed it up. Gotta shoot credit where credit's due. The moron here behind the keys regrets all errors. ;)

And lo, monkeys, there are many.

MANY people pointed out that I missed the fact that Clark zipped up right after saving Lana. And no, I don't mean his pants, you dirty minded hooligans. I mean his jacket. I made a comment that Clark should have hid the hot lead. He did. Those who noticed it were:

Ben Blackford, Keith Price, Bill Albanito, Matthew McGowan, and Stephen Gentry.

I think this is the largest group of people correcting me in the history of the review, save the time when I had the audacity to suggest that Lana Lang was Asian (and don't even ask, I'm NOT getting into that again, it was just a point of reference).

Paul points out that sodium chloride is salt. And it's mighty good on hamburgers.

Drew wants to know where the K that just randomly appears on the ground comes from in Crisis. As do I.

Drew also wants to know how the guy Adam knocked out cold knew that he looked like a junkie, when he was knocked out before seeing him. Then when a boy appears in the middle of nowhere (Clark), he just lets him walk away without helping him (we assume).

In a related issue, I myself came up with an idea related to this scene. If the wife talked to Clark, then a man fitting Clark's description just appears in front of the man, won't they later talk and figure something's up?

Mike Cooke writes in with the title to the aria Lionel almost blew his brains out to. It was "Je Crois Entendre Encore" (I Believe I Hear Still) from Georges Bizet's "The Pearl Fishers" Bizet did "Carmen"... and Cooke just had this in his collection. The guy sure beats my classical knowledge (I'm learning, but I can't deny it, I'm a punk rock man. But I loves me some Holst and Dvorak.)

Also, another error with Mike. I said, "Mike and Jeremy Robinson" in a credit, and I meant Mike Cooke, I just go with what I have on the most recent email for the name. I'm horrible with names, so I'm sorry if I miss the last name, guys. Be sure and include it if you want it. Doesn't mean this is Mike's fault. I never warned y'all. But there you go.

Mike ALSO was the first to point out that Clark just took off at Super-speed from the Crisis center, right in front of the chick Pete was macking with, consequences ignored. That goes in the KO Count.

Long time writer EL writes in to tell us that Tang is a Chinese name, not a Korean name. Also, the IMDB and other sources indicate that it is TENG, not Tang. There was confusion because some of the, oh, God, I forget the name, those things that put the words at the bottom of the screen for the deaf. GAL! Anyway, I'm stealing EL's glory, but those words called her TANG, which is wrong. It's Teng. But, then again, she's dead, so I guess it's moot. But then, she's a continuity character! How did she die!? And maybe, extrapolating, there's a Chinese Tang pretending to be a Teng, and a real Korean Teng somewhere. Bizarre. O.

Ending comment.

EL also noted the Clark running in front of the Crisis folk thing.

Steve Crow's eyes caught that the name of the van where Junkie Man saw Adam was Speedy Heat and Air. Anyone want to make a Roy Harper joke? None other than the ward of Oliver Queen, Speedy, remember? Didn't any of you read the Kevin Smith run? Waddaya mean it was sold out?

Speaking of Ollie, did you see that paper Lionel was reading in the helicopter? Steve did. Check it out.

Steve, never one to turn down a lead, checked out Walcott storage, from the same episode. Seems that a Derek Walcott wrote a poem called "A Far Cry From Africa", and one of the stanzas he uses comparing Africa to colonial Britain is The gorilla wrestles with the superman.

That's either some in depth research on the prop's side, or some REAL cool coincidences. Either way, that's a nice spot.

Michael Nutt also informs me that sodium hydroxide does not blow up, it just makes the water heat up. That's why sodium metal is stored in kerosene, because it reacts with water.

Man, I told you all I got an F in chemistry! I got into college, and I said to myself, "Boy, you got a 3.3, flunk a class for fun!" So I did. I chose chemistry.

I'm sorry!

Paul points out an interesting correlary. For the most part, there aren't many adults who go nuts with Kryptonite, so maybe the genetic equation is hormones plus Kryptonite plus high school.

Now I'm a little worried about flunking chem. I'm about to turn into a wind man or something. But then, I guess I'm old, at 24.

William Krause also saw Clark jump to super speed in the center.

Felix Vazquez pointed out (though I saw it and forgot to mention it, DUH) that surgical tubing can't choke people. How did he know that? I don't know. I know that I know it because our teachers in middle school were inept, and gave us a week off to go and build "Science Experiments" in the wood shop. We built giant catapults, engine starter guns for tennis balls, and lots of great good things. Then we went to the science fair and lost big time. Anyway, it was a week of my life in the inner city middle school, and since I was the smart kid I got choked enough with surgical tubing when they weren't building with it to realize it couldn't kill me. As an interesting side note, it does leave nice little burns that hurt like all get out.

I am now amazed I didn't turn into a K freak, remembering that. Thanks, Felix! Now I need therapy. Nah, Felix knows I'm kidding. He's cool.

Felix also claims, though I couldn't see it in review, that Lana's shoes change to boots when she trips Adam. Makes sense. Stunt clothing.

William Perkins points out that the last episode was rather anti-climactic, because we already saw and thus know that Lana dies an old lady. Oh well. Not that we didn't know that she makes Metropolis from the comics, but anyway, at least in this continuity, it is now confirmed.

Robert Wicks, though I may have already mentioned this trivia, I forget, points out that Midwich Cuckoos is the book by John Wyndham which inspired Village of the Damned, which was remade in 1995 with Chris Reeve.

David Cox realizes a nice little reality. Lionel is a rich man. What the heck is he worried about a liver for? The man can buy a liver! Heck, if he offers me ten bucks, I'll cut my own one out and hand it to him. That's three comics, man! Well, two if you go for the good paper. But well worth my anti-toxicity valve. Then, hey, I can have one drink and be drunk for the rest of my life! PAAAAAAAAARTY! TOGA!

Rich dudes may apply at nealbailey.com.

Liver does not include free toxins. I am a very good boy.

No, wait. That would suck. Instead, let me cut out the liver of those guys who choked me with surgical tubing in high school.

Five bucks. OBO. Likely includes toxicity.

Cort Chatagnier theorizes that the reason Clark didn't run off from Speedy the Junkie Man at the crossroads is that the man would have seen him take off. He was trying to protect his secret. After running away from the man's wife at super-speed. Hey, it's off, but it works! :)

Stephen Gentry notices that Jonathan coming out of the hospital in the episode where he seemingly recovers from heart surgery didn't HAVE to be the next day, it just seemed that way with the editing. It could have been later.

Rob Adams makes a good point (just in general conversation) about the people who complain about Clark not wearing glasses (and I'm one of them, but I see Rob's point). He notices that if YOU were going to become Superman, but you had NO idea that you were going to do that (and theoretically, Clark doesn't, he's just learning) would you worry about a secret identity? No. Now it makes the future less plausible, but it's a fair criticism.

Also, one thing, and I can't check this because my episode isn't downlao-er, my episode didn't tape at all, but it occurred to me, wasn't there no music in the scene with Lionel right after he had Opera cranked up? Oddity.

And finally, some yutz with no liver named Neal Bailey writes in with an absolutely torrid, sleazy, badly written email with multiple grammatical and spelling flaws and informs me, "yo dude you'er stuff id swete I read you all day every nite you rockyo. But my questoin is this: clark sez that Smallville hasn't had no rain in the last few months before, you know, that, phone call. that was liek, march dude? that means they didn' t have no rain in january or febuary right dude? anyways your right about casey but that guy who does the smallville reviews, he sucks. no, wait, is that you? nevermind you sellouts never rigth back anyways

word.

I apologize for that. I since found that reader and beat him. And sold his liver.

Jokes for this review: 3.5 of 5.

Number of bus passes that will get you with fifty cents: 1.

Now go and read the KO Count and say hello!

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