Mild Mannered Reviews - Specials
JLA: Seven Caskets
Scheduled to arrive in stores: December 6, 2000
Cover date: February 2001
Writer and Artist: Daniel Brereton
Reviewed by: Neal Bailey (baileyn@cc.wwu.edu)
In Alaska, a fisherman sees a ghost and runs to tell everyone about it. Across the world, everyone is frightened by ghostly apparitions.
In the Watchtower, the JLA examines the phenomena. They cannot figure it out.
Two ghostly figures appear before the JLA and tell them to come back to Earth.
Aquaman says that they remind him of the denizens of a lost city, banished from Atlantis. The JLA goes under the sea to examine the situation.
They find a map of the world with seven spots marked on it. The map is of an Earth millions of years ago, with the continents still spread apart. Aquaman speaks of a demon-god in the center of the Earth. Superman breaks from the JLA to go to the center of the Earth to confront the demon.
The demon starts to take Superman's will to live, then Superman beats it up and leaves, after finding out that there are seven sacred ancient gods about to roam the Earth once more.
At the seven places indicated on the map, the JLA meets the seven sub-demon-gods, and the JLA are quickly all dispatched. Unconscious.
The JLA is disheartened by the spirit of whatever is infecting the world. The two ghostly apparitions from before appear and offer the JLA an alternative: a spirit form, in which they will embrace the chaos to become more powerful.
The JLA considers becoming evil to fight evil, with Superman as a key proponent to doing it, and they accept, becoming an evil spirit-like, arrogant JLA, all of whom assert their own superiority. They leave to fight the demons at the city of Seven Caskets.
In the midst of the brawl, the two twins strike thunder, and all of the demons and the JLA are knocked out. The demon-god rises, and offers ultimate power to the victor, thus the twins, who merge together into one aspect. Superman gets to the demon-god first, and demands the power for his victory, despite the fact that the twin demon still stands. (?)
He is given it. He distributes the power to the JLA. The demon-god, upset about this non-evil use of evil power, gives up and runs away to sleep for a few more million years.
Back at the Watchtower, they wonder aloud whether they should find the god and dispense with it or not. Nah, Supes says. Let sleeping Gods lie. Heh heh heh... ehhhh.
 Story - 1: This is just silly. It's so unbelievable I can't even believe it. Believe me. There are so many inconsistencies in this story let go for the goth feel. I swear. Here's the list, and bear with me:
- Hey, here's a new JLA plot: PIT THEM AGAINST GOD! Let's see... JLA: Act of God. JLA: Heaven's Ladder. JLA: Seven Caskets. And this is just what I've read in the last two months.
- The map of the Earth is of about 20 millions years ago. And yet the JLA knows exactly where and when to find the seven respective sub-demon-gods, who just happen to be of the same type feel as that character, art-wise. Wow. What a coinky-dink.
- These sub-demon-gods merely incapacitate the heroes, through their ability to kill them through their magic origin is completely denied. Ooops.
- Superman, the idealistic, intelligent leader of the JLA, breaks off to go solo in a stupid move to fight god on his own.
- He then beats up god.
- The JLA, listening to two spirit forms whose name they don't even know, agree to hand their spirits over to them and become evil, something they abhorr, after a mere 59 words of explanation. I counted. Not a page. 59 words.
- The JLA, having completely contradicted their nature, have done so for no reason. This battle they prep themselves for is ended instantly by the twins who apparently needed these guises as a ploy. If they could have instantly knocked out the gods and most of the JLA, why didn't they do that in the first place?
- Superman ticks god off, this after he beat god up, so god just goes home. Here's reality. I'm ticked at god. I walk up to him to have it out. Even give me Superman's powers. I say, "Hey god, I..." Urk... urk... my head explodes, and that's it. Assuming the typical assumption of the god-figure, that is. And that's what's described in this piece.
- Finally, that JLA has just dealt with this potential world-destroyer who has merely run away, and they have no plans to find it and deal with it. Leave it to the JLA 20 million years from now.
- Superman's cheesy remark.
FLEAH!
 Art - 3: I'm not that impressed. Sorry. It's neat to have painted art, but when the issue seemingly exists to perpetuate that art, the art is undermined in my eyes. If the words were not on the page, IE there was no text, I'd probably give it four of five. But the words are there. Eh.
Cover Art - 3: Pretty cool. No words. But is it just me, or does Flash look a little like Baron Zemo on crack? PS, sorry for the blasphemous mention of Marvel on the DC tip. It looks like Batman is about to pimp slap Wonder Woman, which lead me to concern, but then I realized that he was just raising his backside to pass wind at Superman, and I was instantly relieved... Until I realized that Superman's cape was not a cape at all, but a DEMON FART! Ahhhh! Demon-god save the league! Wonder Woman turned into Spider-Man! And just whose skulls are those on the bottom, anyway? No one died in the issue, near as I can tell...
Mild Mannered Reviews
2001
Note: Month dates are from the issue covers, not the actual date when the comic was on sale.
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